Help me deter neighbours

Can't you just park opposite their drive making it difficult for them?

Buy a really cheap ugly car, SORN it if you must and park it where they would block you. Make sure it's a horrendous one so they have to stare at it every day. What a miserable cows!

Buy an ice cream van and park it in the spot

Lockable bollard. Cone.

Do you know someone with a blue badge? Change their address to yours and arrange to have a disabled bay outside your home, there are a few hurdles but worth a thought

What a horrible situation. Is there no way you can just invite them for a drink or a cuppa and just talk this out? It's so important to get on with neighbours - surely there is a way to move on?

@Claytonclogs it may be worth making a social services call incase there is something that they can support with. It seems like they may be starting to loose the capacity to drive and they may be a danger to themselves or others...

Block their car in on a day you don't need to be out first. When they ask you to move it, say you've had a drink and can't drive

Goodness I love women’s brains!

Erect a super extra strong flood light on a pole with a movement detector and camera pointing at the location. Then also get a beware of the dog sign.
Start wearing hunting gear and going on an early morning walk calling your pretend dogs name and play loud recorded dog noises out your letter box.
Also get a kazoo. Poke it out your letter box and when you see them near your drive blow the kazoo.
Start talking in a texan accent and put up a sign for planning permission for a horse ranch.
Then invite friends over for a hoedown in the front lawn which is very loud and end it abruptly with gunshot.
Next time you see them say they cant park there anymore as the you will need space for the horse trailors to get in and out.
Do this even if your house and land is small.

Why don’t you type up a (fake) planning permission for something ridiculous they will definitely hate and display it prominently like a real one. That will get them really annoyed for a bit. Especially if the can’t find the application online 🤣

A set of teenagers in your garden, a football being hoofed about, oh dear what a shame it would be if a ball was a bit too close to their cars 🙂

Nip down the local craft shop and get enough supplies to build a few voodoo doll figures, stick some large pins in them, in appropriate places, and secretly leave them prominently on their drivways or gates.......

I agree with this. Or block them in when you’re going away.

A brick through the window? Or buy yourself some earplugs, set their car alarm off every 20 minutes or so, blame the squirrels

This! Along with sprinkling their cars with bird seed to attract bird shit!

I am very petty . I would do all of the above to piss them off and give them a taste of their own medicine. Also get family and friends to box them in. Show them you won’t be intimidated

Yep get a cheap scooter/old motorbike and ‘park’ it where they park their cars. It will look road worthy so at first they won’t know it’s you, so you’ve taken the space but it’s narrow enough it doesn’t get in your way when pulling into your drive. Paying the road tax on it would be worth just to get one up on them.

Next time you knock let them know, out of courtesy, that you’ll soon be putting planning permission in for [insert massive building project]. You had initially decided not to go ahead for the sake of neighbourly relations but since that’s no longer a consideration…
it’s expected to only take a few years and you might be knocking on a lot more frequently to gain access for all the heavy machinery and plant; it might be all day every day.
of course if they became a bit more neighbourly you may reconsider.
maybe even submit planning permission for some huge bizarre project just to give them something to worry about! (Disclaimer - don’t know if that’s actually possible!)

Vacuum the lawn while talking to the trees. Then mow the front room. Job done.

Are they blocking access potentially for emergency vehicles - ambulance, fire service?
(Do you know any volunteer firefighters who might do a domestic visit for you with a vehicle?)
A visit from a local PCSO?
Know anyone with a tractor or slurry waggon - who might swing by - on a particularly muddy wet day (when their nice cars are out?)
Does the refuse lorry get in ok?

I would just dump my car in the middle of the lane blocking everyone in

start collecting dog shit (a LOT) and place it strategically in their space opposite your drive so that they can’t get out of their car without standing in it and can’t avoid standing in pile after pile trying to tip toe around it

Get a large sign, Amazon do them …saying DO NOT OBSTRUCT DRIVE

Don't retaliate or you could end up dealing with consequences.

I suggest you contact your local council ( Local Authority) and explain in detail on their website exactly how obstructive and uncooperative your nieghbours have been regrading the parking issue and the council is likely to contact them in writing, they may even get a warning with threats of fines etc.

You have already been more than reasonable with them. You communicated with them and now its their turn to face consequences.

It will back fire on them.

Bird seed around their cars so pigeons fly/ land and poop all over? Put seed around before leaving even if cars aren't there so it becomes a bird feeding hot spot. Even hang up some feeders. Your claim...I watched a news story about encouraging birds into local area.