Help me deter neighbours

Wind chimes all summer long, massive tuneless ones.

Plant trees / bushes opposite your drive that have sticky leaves or produce a lot of sap, failing that something with purple berries that attracts birds (if the bird poop doesn't get them the purple berries will!)

A eyesore of a car/ caravan / horsetrailer on the road outside yours or opposite one of their drives for ages!

Park directly in front of them so they to reverse down the narrow lane to get out/ onto their drive.

Find religion. Every time you interact stay as long as you can talking about it, read from the bible (or other religious book), tell them.you love them and want to save them. Bang on and on and on. You want to reach the point where they will avoid interactions at all costs.

I need a diagram!!!!

If you’re at the very end of the road, nobody will need to get past you. So you could just park your car in the middle of the road, right next to the neighbour’s car. Bonus points if you can get it as close to the driver’s side door as possible to stop them opening their door.

Then when they knock to tell you to move your car, make sure you answer the door in the lion costume, waving a bundle of smoking sage, throwing birdseed and smiling creepily. Should only take two or three times before they get the idea.

And any time you spot the space without their car in it, rush out with a huge bag of birdseed and dance around, chanting, making a large car sized protective circle. Make sure you’re wearing the lion suit.

There was a good one on MN a few years ago, where someone parked on someone else's driveway, as there was a local carnival and no room along thr roads. The OP parked across her own drive, blocking in the CF, and went on to get drunk at the carnival. When she returned, the CF was already there, fuming, wanting OP to move her car, but she had been drinking so couldn't until the next morning 😂

Where do you park if you can't get in your drive OP?

Can the council put up a no parking sign?

We have a street where you can turn but you aren’t allowed to park as it would block peoples drives and the council has a sign up.

I would definitely go down the route of having friends come and park.

ISympathise but I’m just coming on to say if they are parking their car legally opposite your drive there’s nothing you can do

You could ask highways to put double yellows / no parking sign in that location on the basis parking prevents your access. Worth a try

OP, if you are a lone woman and they are picking on you, here’s what I do.
I encourage multiple friends to call in, multiple different cars, different times, friend’s husbands especially (it gives a subconscious message that you have support and have your own people on-side).

Sometimes these sort of people just dig in further if you address it directly with them - I’d be tempted to go the other way, be breezy and pretend that you don’t notice, be nonchalant, carry on outwardly happy (though inwardly seething).

I saw a very good example of this (and I try modeling it myself) - a mature elegant french lady on a sun-lounger was being directly jostled by 4 aggressive people who were doing all they could to make her uncomfortable. She simply pretended they didn’t exist. She relaxed back with her hat, shades and book - as though they were completely invisible.
They were frustrated - trying to provoke a reaction - that never came.

If you post a plan here, I’m sure we will all have more ideas.

(I have wind-chimes - that only come outside under strict certain circumstances for example…)

Also a discreet wired in camera in my vehicle - but a second massive cheap decoy camera central to the windscreen with signage - that isn’t plugged in - but for great deterrent effect.

I'd go Blair Witch on them.. piles of sticks next to the car .. maybe a pile of stones.. a chalk pentagram? At the very least they'd have to move them to move their cars.

Or failing that, park elsewhere but then spray their cars with mud from your front garden every day? Never mind the amount of rain we've had, you're cultivating a swamp and need to vigorously hose it down every evening...

Can you park in their driveways, if they're empty?

What a pair of losers. I'd put in a fake planning application for some kind of access road or widening of the narrow track or something through their door to make them sbit themselves, then negotiate when they kick off.

As to mad behaviour to put them off interacting with you, years ago my sister would be stared for ages at a time at by a builder from the stairs of the two story cabins in the carpark outside her garden fence while she pottered in the garden or sunbathed. I said why not crab walk across the garden, freak him out. She did and he went straight into the cabin and he never watched her again , I'm sure his voyeuristic little buzz shrivelled at the sight of a small woman crab scuttling across her garden.

Park in front of their house, as long as it’s not on a dropped kerb. It’s legal

This is what I would do! Do you have any intimidating looking friends?

Bird seed
Casually throw a handfull on the roof of their car .
The birds will love it , cover their car in shit
Act of God

Look up at the sky puzzled . Works better if there's trees .

(I parked my car perfectly legally and out of everyone's way at my parents . My car looked like Mr Blobby . I had to jet wash it twice in a week ! )

You could start to really care about wildlife, and start throwing birdseed along the track (whilst talking/singing to the birds, naturally, whether they are there or not) Once the crows etc learn it's a regular place to hang out I'm sure the neighbours won't want to park their car there anymore. Of course you wouldn't want to accidentally get any bird seed on their car, though it would be a shame if you were a poor aim whilst being so eco-friendly.

Order a skip or a 500ltr bag of manure for outside their drive. Then buy them a penis enlarger and sign them up for erectile disfunction subscriptions.

If them larking on a bit of the road prevents access to your property, take some photos and submit to the council, requesting double yellow lines.

Any time you can't get into your drive, park in front of their house. Leave your car there all weekend. Make it your parking space. If they ever ask you to move the car, refuse and tell them that you know where they live and nothing had better happen to your car...

Could you speak to the neighbours and ask them to put a no parking sign up?

Do you have a Facebook group?
I would say on there a very passive aggressive message asking whose car this belongs to as it’s blocking your driveway.

They’ll either stop or they’ll try and justify it and then you can say about them having an empty driveway.

As a PP said, this is bullying and many bullies do not like it when other people know what’s going on.

I love so many of these ideas!! Maybe try a new one each day?? Alternate the lion with the sticky bins and the high vis friend. Then dance with some glitter and smile and wave!! Then leave the motorbike in place and add loads of cameras!!!

smile and wave. Smile and wave.

Is there anywhere else you could park, once there's no reaction hopefully they
will get bored.,they must be watching you leave and know what time you get home.

I think a lot of manic laughter would add to the overall ambience 🤣