Measles, vaccines & friendships

Not measles, but my uncle died as a baby of polio in the pre vax days. It destroyed my Nan and she carried his little picture in her purse until she died. Anti vaxxers with all their pseudo science and TikTok ‘research’ are dangerous idiots, she deserves no more of your time

In honesty, I would read it as a little disingenuous that you sent it to her and claimed to worry about her son.

Because it is an odd thing to say, it does imply that you worry about him in comparison to her. Especially given that she will know the same headlines as you, so you weren't telling her for information purposes. You were either trying to change her mind or to prove her wrong.

I agree with your overall stance, but I'm not sure what you hoped to achieve here. Either you can accept her viewpoint and still be friends, or you can't.

If she’s really defensive about her decision not to vaccinate her child that suggests that she’s having doubts about it.
Someone who was completely comfortable with what they’d done probably wouldn’t find it so difficult to listen to your point of view. They would just rebut your arguments and ultimately agree to differ on the subject.
If I am right - and your friend is having doubts about not vaccinating - then you did the right thing talking to her. She’s not admitting it, but sense is beginning to get through to her.

I really wouldn’t bother trying to make this right. Mostly because I have a feeling the only way you’re going to come close to that is by agreeing with her about her antivax way of thinking. Fuck that. I’m all for minding my own business when it comes to other people’s parental choices (eg a friend of mine got her 1 year olds ears pierced; it’s something I’d never do, I think it’s horrible but it’s not my business) but not vaccinating your children is everyone’s business imo because it has far reaching consequences.

Same. I'm happy to live and let live for most things, but not vaccinations. It is the height of idiocy imo.

I read this article the other day - https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/2026/02/child-dies-measles-vaccines/685969/ and would urge anyone that cba to sign up for the newsletter to read it too.

I think you did the right thing. Imagine if you read the article, said nothing and her child died from measles. At least your conscience is clear that you’re informing her and if she chooses to take your kind message as an insult or insinuation that she doesn’t care about her child then that’s her problem. You know that you had the best of intentions in reaching out. Hopefully she can see that once she had thought more carefully about it. If you choose to not vaccinate your child, then you are going to face people questioning your choice or passing on info. She needs to learn to say thanks, but no thanks. She probably feels judged as she is judged. Any mother that ignores medical advice and believes they know better is going to grow some thick skin. Madness in my opinion and i’d really struggle to be friends with an anti vaxer.

I worked for a family of anti - vaxxers directly after covid

Yes I was straight in the door for my covid jab - one of the first to be invited , as my mums carer

It didnt cost me a thought, I was in line as soon as I could

I was fit and healthy, mum wasnt, my neighbour across the road wasnt, nor the next door neighbour. They and our families were shielding , protecting our loved ones , so all the families went ahead and got the jabs so that our loved ones could have a chance of living a normal life

So many people cant be vaccinated, that surely those of us who can be , owe it to everyone else to step and and be vaccinated. ?

But I couldn't have a sensible discussion with the family who were so opposed to vaccinations. AFATWC , the vacs are more dangerous then the actual disease

They have never seen measles and what it can do first hand . My cousin got it aged 18 months and then spent his life in a cot at Queen Marys Carshalton , deaf, dumb and blind, no mobility because my aunt was feared of the vaccines Luckily he died aged 16

Nor would I

they need to exiled! And their kids kept indoors!

I wouldn't have anti vaxxer friends tbh

I couldn't be friends with anyone so arrogant, ignorant and selfish anyway. She's no great loss. Best not to get too attached to her kids anyway as she's deliberately putting them at risk of death.

Yes I noticed the whole of South America have mandatory vaccinations - although I’m sure no one trots out this ridiculous navel gazing ideas

I tried gently with an anti vax fellow parent at primary school in case she was open to discussion, because I cared about her child, and any children that child might have if she got rubella in pregnancy.

She told me it was fine her daughter not being vaccinated because she’d spoken to a homeopath who’d told her that it would give her immune system a tremendous boost if she caught any of the infections.

You can’t debate with some of them because what they consider knowledge and the basis of who is knowledgeable is so different. I’ve seen so many children in low income countries damaged by lack of vaccination, it just seems such a Western privileged position in some cases.

Your right to push if she spends time around you and your kids

Oh dear. You can't reason with science deniers.

I wouldn't say anything if you value.tbe friendship and never speak of it again.

You have probably misunderstood her thinking on vaccines - the fact that there is an outbreak shouldn't bother an anti vaxer. They believe the risk from the vaccine is higher than the risk from measles..it's not that they think their kids can't or won't catch it.

I actually don't think you can discuss things like this anyway. I have a friend who's a homeopath and anti vaxer. We have never ever discussed it. Never will. We respect each others points of view. I couldn't be friends with her if she tried to lecture me about vaccines and I imagine she feels the same about me.

That only works with things that don’t impact other people. People choosing not to vaccinate affects their wider community

I don't understand knowing she's anti vax why you even started the conversation with her unless it was to cause an argument

Yes it is one of the greatest advances isn’t it

It's really tough because you know that by choosing not to have her child vaccinated she is putting him at risk and if he catches measles then she will also be putting at risk the lives of anyone the child comes into contact with who is genuinely unable to have the vaccine

I despair at anti-vaxxers.

Vaccination has saved millions of lives. It les to the eradication of smallpox. Some other diseases were getting close to being eradicated, in some countries if not globally.

Then along come quacks spouting dangerous nonsense and people willingly turn their backs on one of the greatest advances in medicine.

It's all very well to say 'mind your own business', but measles is frighteningly contagious. The UK has now lost its measles free status and vaccination rates have dropped to a worrying low and that is everyone's business. The vulnerable in society are the responsibility of all of us to protect. Does the child come into contact with babies too young to have had the MMR? Or people who can't have the vaccine for medical reasons? Her decision is not just affecting her own child's safety but the safety of all those others. Her decision could kill a bunch of people, to put it frankly.

I'd say you have done the right thing in raising it with her - we can't just pretend that being anti-vax is just like choosing to parent in a particular style. If it comes between you, that is because it's too important to ignore. It's not like falling out with a friend because they think you give your child too much screen time or don't like baby led weaning.

Great answer

I'm impressed that she's done her own research. It's no mean feat to organise all those clinical trials, let alone fund them.