Measles, vaccines & friendships

If I was her I would do it in an openly critical/aggressive way. You are being a dick to put your child's life at risk. Why would you do that? It doesn't need to be passive aggressive with these idiots. Tell them straight.

Tell her she is only sensitive because she is the one putting her son's life at risk and she knows it.

YABU if you think you can change conspiracy theorists views.
There will be other views with increasing conspiracies.
Sadly the friendship will end sooner or later.

This reminds me of a situation my friend, who works in a hospital, told me about during Covid.

A young child was wheeled in, very sick and obviously the parents are asked if the child is vaccinated against Covid. The dad is a rabid anti-vaxer and is claiming he’s done his own research and vaccines are a conspiracy etc 🙄

Two days later, when it’s clear their child is dying, he’s begging the doctors and nurses to vaccinate his child. He didn’t even know enough about vaccines to understand they need to be administered BEFORE you catch the virus 🤦🏻‍♀️ and needed several hospital staff to explain the vaccine couldn’t be used as a “cure” for someone who already had it.

My poor friend had to watch that child, and many other people, die unnecessarily due to stupidity around vaccines.

OP’s friend sounds equally awful for compromising for a “holiday” vaccine but not for one that could save her child’s and other’s lives.

The problem is that, it doesn't matter what you or I or anyone else thinks about an antivaxxer's position. Ooit doeskt matter what the science says or what the facts are. You're not going to change their mind.

If you're more sensitive for whatever reason and don't like falling out with people, what point is there in upsetting yourself by arguing?

There’s no great outcome from this. Either you make your peace at your friend being selfish and stupid and ignore it, or you drop the friendship without drama. I couldn’t be friends with someone selfish and stupid so it would be no great loss for me.

of course I have friends I disagree with about various things but this would be a red line for me. And I’d never want my kids around hers.

If you knew she was an anti vaxxer I think sending her info on a measles outbreak was a bit passive aggressive.

I think you were being unreasonable to think you would get any other sort of response. Anti-vaxxers are basically conspiracy theorists. You cannot reason with them! I actually don’t think I could be friends with her though!

She's beneath contempt then. Happy to have a jab that ensures she doesn't miss out on a holiday, but happy to place her own children (and those of the rest of us) at risk by denying them vaccines which would protect them. I couldn't be friends with someone like this, I think they should be treated with the contempt they deserve by the rest of us.

I agree with those who state that 'anti vax' is a luxury 1st world belief and that they take the benefits of vaccinations for granted. I am old enough to have been a child in the 60s and one of my earliest memories, funnily enough, is about the vaccines I got; preparing for them, getting them done at school. This was the time that many of them were being rolled out, the fact that is a very strong memory must be because of how much it was talked about by the adults around me, and what a boon and protection from the terror of childhood illnesses they were perceived to be.

Otoh my parents recall when just about every classroom had at least one child with crutches/leg braces prior to the polio vaccine.

All people (well almost all) are worthy of respect. Not all opinions. Some opinions are stupid.

I don’t respect an opinion that vaccines are unnecessary any more than I respect the opinion that the earth is flat.

I couldn’t maintain a friendship with someone who is an anti-vaxxer because of personal ‘research’, and I say that having maintained a friendship with someone who supports Donald Trump.

@FunMustard that's a harrowing read.
measles is among the most contagious diseases in the world. The virus infects roughly 90 percent of unvaccinated people exposed to it; the infected can then, in turn, infect a dozen to several hundred people each, depending on where they are and what they’re doing. Breakthrough cases are possible among the vaccinated, but they tend to be rare, relatively mild, and less likely to spread.

I don't think many people know quite how contagious it is.

Her child is being put at risk through her ignorance. You were trying to be a good friend. You did nothing wrong and if I were you, I’d just retreat and see if she reaches out to you. If not, she can’t be that bothered by the friendship.

100% this.

Thankyou

Im a 60's child so have seen the horrors of Polio and TB - my own mother contracted TB and spent 2 years in a sanatorium , and polio survivors were seen everywhere - braced legs and stacked shoes, rare to see now . I remember being petrified of seeing an Iron long

Generations after mine haven't seen these things so really dont understand why we need herd immunity - to protect those that can not be vaccinated

You would have thought Covid would make people understand more, but it seems people are too ready to believe conspiracy theorists on SM rather then medical evidence

Im glad to hear there is now a chicken pox vaccine and I hope that's taken up. We used to have chicken pox parties so the whole neighbour hood caught it the same time , and for most it is a minor illness, I unfortunatley took it really bad and I remember just lying on the sofa , weak as a kitten with a scarf around my eyes blocking the light and to top it all off , I was allergic to Kalamine which just doubled the itching lol. I have more then my fair share of chicken pox scars

I'm so sorry about what happened in your family, how very dreadful.

I studies an MSc in 2022 and the majority of other students were from overseas. They couldn't understand the attitude to vaccines, where they come from they see the long term affects of contracting measles or polio. Having the opportunity to refuse a vaccine is the epitome of 1st world privilege.

I've got two children with autism, we embrace every vaccine that we can take - we call it the "autism upgrade"

"I've had this years flu vaccine, I'm a little bit more autistic now ...."

Yes it’s the height of selfishness and concerns us all

As someone who can’t take up the Measels’ vaccine despite repeated vaccinations your fried is an awful human being and uncaring about the vulnerable people in the community who can’t get protection. If you care about the friendship just say you apologise for offending her but you sent it out of care. If you don’t then don’t send anything and just ignore and eventually block her.

I have very little respect for anti vaxxers but I don't think there is any point arguing with them. You can't reason with stupid.

I do what I think is best for my family and leave them to do whats best for theirs.

Her argument that the vaccine risk is greater than the risk of the virus is bullshit. There's no other word for it. Measles is one of the most contagious diseases out there and the risk of complications from it is up to 20% IN DEVELOPED COUNTRIES! Its even higher in less developed countries.

Nobody ever said that vaccines were risk free, that's exactly why they're given in the health visitors office and you have to stay around. The risk from the MMR vaccine is 0.2%. The risks from measles are 100 x that of the vaccine.

Your friend is stupid and careless - let her be.

You can’t reason with people like that. Don’t waste your time or energy. She’s chosen to roll the dice and there nothing you can do.

And you are quoting me because???

Btw I think the jab was only about 90% protective when I was a kid. So no guarantee I got it off someone unvaccinated. My unvaccinated brother ironically didn't catch it from me

If enough people have both doses of the vaccine, it's possible to make the country measles free. The vaccine doesn't work for everyone, having 2 vaccines gives 99% of people immunity and IF EVERYONE ELSE that was eligible had had the vaccine, you'd have stayed measles free!

This is what pisses me off about anti vaxxers, they put others at risk.