In-laws talking to 6 year old about inheritance

I agree that a child of 6/7 years old doesn't need to know she'll be inheriting money or how much. Presumably due to her age, parents would be in charge of overseeing the inheritance and it would be down to them what/if she's told. The in-laws have taken that away from the OP, as her Mum - it should have been a discussion between the OP and her husband.

Yes, we as parents do need to discuss money with our children. We need to encourage them to understand the value of money, how money is earned and how to save. As they become older, the concept of mortgages, types of savings accounts etc need to be talked about. The earlier children learn about money, the better.

However, the OP's daughter can learn about money without knowing about an inheritance! It also means she's likely to tell friends etc, and depending on how much, that could open her up to people befriending her due to the money, as she becomes older etc.

Of course the OP's eldest won't inherit, and that's no one's fault, it's circumstances. It's down to the OP to explain the situation as sensitively as she can. There's going to be times when they simply can't be treated the same.

Yes, agreed. I would be furious in this situation.

In all fairness there is no good “age” or time for your daughter to know/recognise that she is less wealthy than her sibling. It sucks. Sorry OP.

I don’t think your in laws were wrong to speak openly about it to your child though. Families do speak about money especially those with money!

I honestly cannot imagine anyone saying this to a single dad.

I think it might be better that your oldest knows now rather than a shock later when her half sibling has a massive deposit that she doesn’t have.

I disagree 10 year olds have no idea of the value of money. If she knows now she will get used to it by the time she knows what it actually means.

There’s no guarantee the older daughter would accept it better at 18/20/whatever. In fact it could be harder to accept at a stage when she’ll likely be taking out a student loan/ paying rent/ working.

as there’s a chance the cousins could have talked about it with the younger child anyway, it’s far better to be transparent rather than the older child finding out randomly and knowing it was concealed from her.

You obviously feel upset that financially, one child has significantly more than the other. But this sort of thing is always a risk with a blended family. It could have been the other way around - the older one could have got a windfall from her dad’s side of the family.

you say your dh always supports your eldest without question. That’s the key most important thing- that both girls are being raised in a family where they are both cared for and supported. The fact one has inherited from her dad’s side of the family is an entirely different issue. It’s her money. And in all likelihood will cause far less issue with it being transparent from the start. Imagine if the elder one knew nothing until the younger went off to uni without needing a loan? Or bought a house using it as a deposit when eldest was still renting? That would likely cause far greater upset and a feeling that something significant had been deliberately hidden from her for years.

Rubbish.

It's appropriate to this child because it has happened!. They have inherited a significant amount of money and that should be explained to them in an age-appropriate way. Not concealed until they are "old enough".

@SpanishFork you are utterly unreasonable. What would you do? Conceal it from your child until they go to university? That would be very very wrong. Are you always this controlling?

@SpanishForki can’t imagine that a 6 year old has any conception of what £77k means and what it could do for her later, not really. She’s understandably excited now, but hopefully that will wear off soon and you can forget all about it for a while. If your in-laws keep raising it, then you will need to ask them to button it in front of the children. Unless they are monsters, they must surely appreciate that your eldest is likely to be upset/envious.

Sounds more like your p’d off it has gone to your daughter and not you and your husband and then you could have controlled what happens to it. I suspect that is EXACTLY why they told your DD it’s hers!!

But you created this unequal situation by remarrying and giving your dd1 a sibling from another dad with another family.

What's much more important than money is that your dd is growing up with her bio dad and your youngest has, mum, dad and sister growing up. You have disadvantaged your dd by bringing in a stranger to raise her. Thankfully, it has worked out but more important than the inheritance is that your dd2 has it all in terms of family.

You are being very unreasonable. I inherited from my grandfather at age 6. I was told about it and was it was banked for me and every few years I was knew how much it had grown. It meant a lot to me that he had left me it and it was kept and then I used it to help through university. Love you grampa
you sound slightly bitter that your elder child is not included….people can leave their money as they wish. Be grateful for this gift

Both your kids will forget about this. It is ages away even for the 10 year-old to go to university. This is extremely dull information for young children. They will forget about it if you don’t make a big drama now.

@SpanishFork I don't think you're unreasonable to be upset that your child told you and your husband didn't. And for him to think it's ok for your other child to find out about this through other relatives is thoughtless and cowardly.

I'm with you on this @SpanishFork . Your youngest really doesn't need to know anything about this at such a young age, especially given the now clear financial disparity between your children. Is it likely to to cause issues between your children.
Incidentally in my family there are a few step children and they are considered children of our family and treated absolutely equally with their biological siblings and cousins.
Your husband and his side clearly have a different view and a pretty shitty one in my opinion.
I would suggest you start some sort of savings plan for your eldest to try and level the playing field a bit and explain to both children exactly why you are doing it.

The majority of people leave their ‘ wealth ‘ to their children or relatives upon their death, not strangers who they think maybe are more deserving . I wouldn’t leave my house to a stranger that doesn’t have a house and bypass my own children ( even if they already had a house of their own) .
correct me if I’m wrong , and by all means please explain to me if I’m misunderstanding ?
I don’t think you’ve actually explained anything 🥴

Life ain’t fair.

Having a family that teaches you that - the hard way - is particularly unkind.

But it’s a lesson best learnt early if that’s the case.

I really hope that the OPs husband ensures she doesn't skim money/interest for her eldest. It would also be unwise to "even things up" (in her eyes) by leaving or saving extra to her eldest. This would lead to the youngest being very upset and resentful in the future and possibly causing estrangement.

The child has already inherited…

I’m confused

you said that the same situation in your family… hence you channel all your resources in to the savings for one child (the one not in line for an inheritance). Your eldest or your youngest?

I would be very surprised if a 6 or 10 year old fully appreciated the value of what’s being inherited, and it will be you that makes this an issue not your kids making it something it’s not

Keeping stuff like this secret always, always makes it worse. Much bette4 tha5 everyone knows and it can be talked about openly. Of course, the little one also needs to be told that mummy and daddy will put it safely into a savings account for when she’s older. And the older one can be assured that mummy and daddy will look after them too.

No, not correct. You’ve just literally made all that up. Well done.

My DH & me are very fortunate that <potentially> we have quite a lot to leave to our DGC & DCs. However, we would never discuss this as it's not certain. One or both of us may need to go into a care home leaving them with diddly squat. What we do however is give them what ever HMRC allows us (DH deals with it, but I think it's about £1500pa each) which is put into their savings accounts.