In-laws talking to 6 year old about inheritance

While I can get where you're coming from about the level of details given to a 6 year old, I don't buy it for one second that your anger isn't driven by your feeling that inlaws treat your daughter differently and it's clear from your prior posts and your DH's comment.

Your level of anger is OTT and you need to deal with the fact that they are not related to your older daughter and have chosen to treat her differently. The way you're going will end up pushing your DH away who you have said has always been there for your older DH. You will also create resentment between the sisters as they get older..

Pick your battles.

You bring wonderful memories of my childhood. I learnt about ‘savings’ from as little as I can remember. Why? My mother opened savings account for each one of us (we are 5). However, she made clear it wash her money - so I NEVER walked around thinking I had money that belonged to me. She would often withdraw from one of the accounts when she wanted to purchase something big for the family.

however, the seed she had sown was of ‘savings’. Don’t eat up whole salary in one month. Budget and stay within your means.

i have known people who thought salary money was meant to be spent in that money. They therefore adjusted the it spending their higher the salary went up. I on the other hand, upped my investments the higher the salary. To would not occur to me to up spendings simply because salary is higher.

Seriously? You'd be furious that your child has inherited £77k? Odd, very odd!

One where I speak to children honestly and don’t conceal stuff they have a right to know.

I think the message was clear enough:
If you don't know how to be with (ie live with & manage) money, then you will be without.

It's never too young to learn that having money is a (generally) good thing, that money has to be managed, and to understand some of the basics about investing & saving.

@SpanishFork as your daughter’s mother, I think the main person at fault here is your husband. He 100% should have spoken to you about it before your daughter was told.

what bloody world are you living in 🙄🤔

If she was heiress to almost anything she would need to be told even if she is only six.

A near 7yr old has no concept of very sizeable quantities of anything.
There will be school friends as well as step sibling who will have to be ‘protected’ (can’t think of a better word, sorry) from this peculiar situation.

Why are you upset? Your DC is learning early about the necessity of saving and planning for the future. Surely good things. DH is unreasonable not telling you DC was a beneficiary of his uncle's will, but I can see why he didn't tell you. Your other child is treated well and included, but cannot inherit from a step-great-uncle they did not know. Yes, they have a poorer start so all the more important to talk about saving, and planning to both DC.

But to suddenly announce to a teenager, or even wait until they’re almost 18, to tell them that actually they have a huge sum of money in savings, is far more likely to result in impulsive or irresponsible behaviour.

The fact is, it is her money. Far better she knows it exists, that it’s safely locked away and inaccessible for now, but will earn interest and that she will have control over it in the future. That allows for discussions to be introduced gradually over time, talking about wise ways to use the money, rather than springing it on her (and her sister becoming aware that this big sum of money exists) when she’s much older and you have little (and eventually no) control over how she manages it.

Your husband is in favour of being open with his daughter concerning money. I think that's a really healthy viewpoint and he's fine with his family sharing the news with his daughter. He's her dad and he's got a different opinion than you.

Secrecy won't benefit anyone. Growing up financially literate is important.

Your set up the inequity with your oldest when you married someone whose family had some wealth and decided to have another child. You can't put that cat back in the bag by keeping your younger child's inheritance secret.

Your husbands uncle has died. The uncle was kind enough to consider his child in his Will. I imagine the family were just expressing that to your child.
I understand it may be difficult for your older child but that’s just the circumstances. My children have a half sibling who have, and will have many more financial advantages. They understand. That’s just life.
Maybe you could save more for your elder child to counteract some of it?

This

You are the 7 year old’s mother, of course you should have been involved in the money conversation!

My young child will probably also inherit one day but i am raising her to know that nothing is ever guaranteed, and that she will need to stand on her own 2 feet and pay her own way in life. If my in laws decided to tell her that, actually, there’s a nice pot of money waiting for her i would be very irritated. it can make kids take money for granted and be lazy if they think they grow up thinking they won’t have to work for it.

However, because my six year old is talking openly my eldest now knows and has the potential to be upset.

She was going to find out at some point anyway. You can't hide things forever and getting upset is part of life. Why not use it as a learning experience for your eldest?

they are your DC grandparents not just your in laws.

Then why did you mention your eldest in the OP?

That is a great amount and will give your youngest such a lot of options. Surely that makes you happy to know she has security?

My brother is great with money. As a kid, he used to buy the half penny Fruit Salad and Blackjack sweets (yes, I’m that old) and sell them to my sister and I for 1p. Never too young to learn about money!

I have an ISA and a SIPP for my son. He doesn’t know exactly how much, just that there’s a decent amount. He also knows he has a very expensive watch in the bank, that was his baptism gift.

remember those who say if you don’t know how to be with money, you will be without Bonney Wetherby salary was 100k or 50k pa. True.

Eh? In English?

You are massively over reacting why is what money they have to be a secret?! What if they don't go to uni? What if they want to move out before hand and need to know finances?

You sound very controlling and PPS are right this seems about what your 10 won't have, you need to do some hard parenting and discuss the situation rather than hide it away. Very odd behaviour.

@SpanishFork are you the panto drama poster?

"No child needs to know how much money they have until university applications, even full siblings.
No ten year old needs to know how much better off her sibling is.
No in-law should ever discuss something so private to a six year old."

Actually OP, I think the earlier your children find out, the better. If it's just something that's always been a fact, they are much less likely to hold a grudge than if your eldest get through 3 years at university on loans and THEN finds out that their younger sibling has a fund and will have it all paid for. Rip the plaster off quickly.

If she knows now she will get used to it by the time she knows what it actually means.

Yes, I think it's actually healthier for it to be something that she's always known about, rather than it being presented as a huge thing when she's 18 or 21 (or even 12, when the ramifications would be more clear to her, but she wouldn't have the maturity to manage the news).