In-laws talking to 6 year old about inheritance

Sorry, op, I think you're wrong. Hiding the truth from your dc is probably the worst thing you can do. Open conversation is what will stop the inevitable inequities of a blended family build into something toxic.

Why shouldn't dc understand what savings and investments they have? My own young teens understand enough of our finances to know what help they will get for things like uni and what they will have to expect to fund for themself. How would it be better to keep it a secret and spring it on them at the last moment?

Your in laws were telling the truth about a matter that directly affected your dc. They weren't breaching anyone's privacy.

When you hide information from dc, they will generally imagine something worse than reality.

Agreed with you until the last sentence.

naah, they are ensuring 6yo is NOT stolen by the mother who, given the chance, will use it for both kids. It’s their right to ensure thus guest happen.

6yo when say 21 and gets their money, it’s perfectly fine to gift/ treat sis out of own free will to a holiday, nice birthday present etc etc. it’s not up to mum to divide the money into half or 2/3!

i am NOT a horrible person. However, if we’re in laws, I would object to money being shared by the mother. Let owner of money decide what to do with it, when of age. They are just letting child know it exists.

A close friend of DB’s sadly lost both parents before or when he was about 10 and he and his elder brother were brought up by their grandparents. Both children inherited money from their parents house and whatever else there was. He went a bit mad spending money but kept enough to buy a house for himself. No idea if he was told about money or inheritance as a child. Probably not.

I think it's totally out of order for your in-laws to decide when and how your child should be told about this. Knowing you're coming into money one day can impact your approach to money, your work ethic and learning. I'm not saying she shouldn't be told but it's a parent's job to manage this, not a grandparents. Huge overstep.

Hard to give a meaningful answer when you wort say the amount. Big difference between 5k and 50k

6, even 10 is too young to talk to about inheritances simply because they don’t realise the value of money beyond pocket money. It’s also a bit silly to mention inheritances because again they don’t understand how this works and may think if they’re nice to x relative they’ll leave them some money, whereas that shouldn’t be the case at all.

@Ophy83 genuine Q. How much involvement does your own family have with both your children? Do they treat them equally ? Do they also not see them? Where are they in all of this?

The younger they know, the better. It's normalised then by the time they're adults. Otherwise you end up with huge resentment at 18. Your H is correct.

I agree OP and I would be angry too. It’s not so much the money although that seems age inappropriate aswell, it’s more the potential grenade it throws in the relationship between your children.

As their parent, you should have been left to manage how that information was handled. At 6 though, I think she’s young enough to forget about the detail, I would speak to them and ask them to leave the subject alone for x amount of years and you will deal with it with both your children at the right time.

You've posted before about the very stark differences in the way your in-laws treat your younger daughter who is their biological grandchild and your elder DD who is not. They make it crystal clear to your elder daughter that they don't consider her to be part of their family.

I think a six year old is far too young to understand about inheritance, large sums of money and compound interest which makes me think that they are doing this on purpose to highlight once again how priviledged your younger daughter is/will be in comparison to her older sister. They may also be trying to drive a wedge between your two daughters.

This all day long

Children need to know about money , investments, financial planning , interest, savings etc , problem is not enough people bother , they let their kids drift on without drawing attention to this subject then suddenly they are young adults who have no idea , better to learn gradually from young and build a good foundation of knowledge about finance

They don’t need to be denied the knowledge either.

6 is a fine age to start learning about finances, especially ones she has a vested interest in. Normalizing this is to her benefit.

Yeah you’re definitely unreasonable. If you want everything fair you can’t have children with different fathers.

especially as my eldest won’t have such a good start

😂🎻

Maybe you should have chosen a more wealthy dad for your dc1

You made your bed, you lie in it. You blended your family, you deal with it.

Your 2 dc are not the same and do not have the same families. You knew that, now you complain.

This. No six year old needs to know about an inheritance. Plenty of time for that when they discuss careers and university.

Are you likely to have more children in the future OP as this could create further inequalities as they wouldn't inherit either presumably, despite having the same relationship to the deceased. Sorry if someone has posted this already

And? Are we talking like £500? Or many multiples?

@SpanishFork you told your youngest not to allow any photos taken by your in-laws without your eldest in them too. Now that is messed up

Hmm deleted what I was typing because it felt outing but still want to say I sympathise.

You love your children equally but time to accept they will have different life experiences due to their different fathers.

Nah, you're angry that your younger child is getting something your older child is not.

Otherwise you wouldn't even have mentioned the older child.

I don't think the problem is her knowing about her inheritance, but the fact that you didn't know / that your dh kept it a secret - was he worried about what your reaction would be?

Anyway, far more intriguing 6 yo rem era the amount. So how much? 100k/ 50k / 25k and compounded by how many years.

if your child is a normal 6 yo, she will forget about it by tea time tomorrow. Until cousins remind her.

Because both parents should have a say/plan about how and when important info is communicated to their children. It is up to op and her husband to handle, not her in-laws without her knowledge.

Would you like your in-laws to take the lead on teaching important or sensitive topics without your knowledge? That isn't a normal approach.

But these are all YOUR made up rules.

It doesn't mean everyone else has to follow them.

Separate inheritance often comes with blended families and your kids will learn to accept that.

As soon as you do...

But your 10 yo is fine to watch royal family being treated differently? Does she ask to go to Sandringham for Christmas? Is your house the biggest on your street or how do you tell your 10 yo why your house is different/ not the biggest?

you are imposing your prejudices and insecurity on your children and your DH has rightly called it.

by the way, one parent is enough for consent.