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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you consider swapping nudes and messaging someone daily for months cheating?

82 replies

Thewovendiary · 15/02/2026 13:07

I’m shamelessly posting here for more traffic (have posted in relationships)

I’m so upset to find out that my partner has been messaging another woman for months and swapping multiple nude photos - I feel he is now gaslighting me and minimising the situation - he says there was no physical intimacy so it’s not cheating.

Please help me :( feel like I’ve been gut punched - I thought we were so happy

OP posts:
GeorgeMichaelsCat · 15/02/2026 13:23

Yes

Swiftie1878 · 15/02/2026 13:22

Thewovendiary · 15/02/2026 13:17

Thank you all for taking the time to reply - I think I was in shock to start with but I’m starting to see it for what it is :(

He can deny it is cheating (even though it is), but he can’t deny that it is completely disrespectful to you and your relationship with him.

Dump his sorry ‘out there’ arse. He’s a loser to do this at all, but an even bigger loser for then gaslighting you about it.

Figgygal · 15/02/2026 13:22

Dear god op
Fuck him right off he's a right piece of shit

greengreengrass3 · 15/02/2026 13:21

I’m so sorry.

Without a doubt it’s cheating, what a lying scumbag!

DreamingOfGeneHunt · 15/02/2026 13:21

Of course it's cheating.

DustyMaiden · 15/02/2026 13:21

People seem to think there is a point system where someone must reach a certain criteria to be dumped. The only criteria that matters is your boundaries. I don’t know anyone whose boundaries would be so lax they wouldn’t call it cheating.

Basquervill · 15/02/2026 13:21

Did he ask you first if you were okay with it? Did he tell you about it openly? Did you both agree not to be exclusive?

if the answer to the above is no, no, no, then .. it’s cheating.

momager22 · 15/02/2026 13:19

Of course it bloody is. Hence him hiding it from you.
Regardless of what others think - if it upsets you and crosses a boundary for you, then pop the sleazy loser in the bin.

PopcornKitten · 15/02/2026 13:19

💯 percent cheating. He’s minimising his behaviour.
I’m sorry OP

RumbleHoney · 15/02/2026 13:19

Yes it’s absolutely cheating! Do not let him try to minimise it. In your shoes, I would end the relationship.

Ileithyia · 15/02/2026 13:19

Who the fuck has voted YABU? I hope it was a mistake.

yes @Thewovendiary it’s 100% cheating. Ditch him right now.

CarefullyCuratedFurniture · 15/02/2026 13:18

It's definitely cheating, and pretty cheap and nasty cheating too. Sorry this is happening to you, I hope you're able to kick this waste of space to the kerb.

Lampzade · 15/02/2026 13:18

Yep
Bin him
Bet if you did the same thing the prick would consider it cheating

Badgerandfox227 · 15/02/2026 13:17

Absolutely I would considering it cheating, and I’m sure your partner would if it was the other way round. Don’t listen to his gas lighting, just focus on what you want to happen next.

SweeetFannyAdams · 15/02/2026 13:17

Of course.

I don't know anyone who wouldn't?

Original poster
Thewovendiary · 15/02/2026 13:17

Thank you all for taking the time to reply - I think I was in shock to start with but I’m starting to see it for what it is :(

OP posts:
Pomegranatecarnage · 15/02/2026 13:16

Yes, it’s cheating. Don’t let him gaslight you-get rid of him.

Newbie8918 · 15/02/2026 13:15

Anything that you wouldn’t wish your partner to see or deliberately from you partner, is cheating.

This definitely counts

FlippityFloppityFlump · 15/02/2026 13:15

It doesn't matter whether or not he considers it cheating. You clearly do and that is all that matters. You understandably feel betrayed and he doesn't care.

And he is such a lying bastard, whatever label can be applied to his actions he knows that you wouldn't consider this acceptable

Crispbuttyandamugoftea · 15/02/2026 13:13

Of course it is cheating

FlyMeToTheSpoon · 15/02/2026 13:10

If you had been messaging another man for months and sending him nudes, I'm sure your partner would unequivocally consider it cheating.

He's gaslighting you. Dump him, he's a creep.

MasterBeth · 15/02/2026 13:10

No, this is all fine and normal and is in no way cheating.

Madarch · 15/02/2026 13:10

Hell yes.

TwistedWonder · 15/02/2026 13:10

100% it’s cheating. Regardless if what label he puts on it, it’s an unforgivable betrayal of trust and I couldn’t come back from it.
He’s a lying cheating scumbag

DestinedToBeOutlived · 15/02/2026 13:09

I'm sure he would consider it cheating if you did it.

It absolutely is cheating and you deserve lot better op.

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