I have an 18 month old, first time mum. I really thought I had it all and a great DH and everything was going to be wonderful. Instead I'm just feeling crushed under a mountain of responsibilities. DH has been a disappointment. The baby stage was...traumatic. We're doing well now, DS is at a wonderful age, but I'm just, I don't know, so stressed. I resent the hell out of DH. He has such a wonderful life. I find myself nit picking and starting arguments just to ruin things.
I think pre-baby I didn't understand just how much work it would all be, how much my body would be ruined, the relentlessness, how little DH would have to do, and how doing it all is just not possible.
We should have had such a nice Valentines Day. DS was great, day was perfect. DS goes to bed. DH had promised he would cook me dinner - i said please don't make a mess in the kitchen, I'd rather have a takeaway than wake up on Sunday to a disaster. He said don't worry, I'll clean up. Well, Sunday morning came, and the kitchen was so greasy and he had stepped in it and carried all around the house. The entire downstairs is covered in grease. The surfaces are wiped but not well so everything is greasy to the touch. Dishes are all stacked and not washed. I couldn't sleep last night because I knew this is what I would wake up to.
But apparently I'm ungrateful and horrible.
I'm by far the higher earner and work long hours. He gets to work in something he's passionate, easy hours and have no responsibilities. I could and should walk away. I'm just not brave enough right now.