To feel like I’m not going to have a baby now I’m 30

At 30 I was very single, had my children at 35 and 37 (almost 38) A lot can change in 5 years

Correct

When you are not in a secure relationship the idea of having a child seems like a pipe
dream and at 30 the doors seem to be closing fast. I was long term single at 30 to and I know how you feel and it is gut wrenching.

i think a lot of people who say “don’t worry you are young” are in stable relationships or have had lots of relationships with few gaps in them.

I started OLD and met lots of
nice people and had a lot of good times and a share of heartbreaks and then met DH at 35 and married at 38.

When I was in the depths of despair someone said to me “this time next year you might have met someone and be pregnant or have a baby!” And the really resonated with me.

Get out there OP!

30 is young. You have many fertile years left.
Things can change very quickly. I remember a friend who had 2 sons saying she will never have grandchildren because her sons were in their late 20s early 30s .
Now she has 6!

I met my husband at 31. First baby at 35, 2nd at 38. Over half of my NCT group we my age or older.

Don’t worry. I will say that if you really want to be a mother and are financially secure, if you don’t meet anyone by 35, to consider a donor. Marriage and longterm relationships fail all the time, people who had no intentions of being a single parent are.
It is hard to see friends who really wanted to become a parent miss out because Mr right didn’t show up.

At 30 I was just getting divorced from my first husband. I then met the love of my life at 31 (wasn't looking for another relationship but there you go). We had our DC when I was 35.
You definitely have time lovely x

I was 31 when I met the love of my life after a miserable series of awful men in my 20s ! Ive now been with him 17 years and our kids are teenagers.

What helped me was at about your age I had some therapy and looked at why I was making such poor choices around men. May not be relevant for you but I think therapy can always be helpful if we are unhappy with where our life is going.

I was not at all the last of my friends to meet their life partner either age wise

Obviously this is key. We had been living together in a house we bought for 5 years before we started a family and had been together for a long time before that so my point was dinky that we didn't worry about age.

Now, to be positive, my daughter split from an indecisive guy but they were only 18 months in and she has decisions to make about her career and where she'd be living - he dithered for 6 weeks about whether they should live together so she ended it - this was in the Spring. She had a 6 week work placement at a university in another part of the country and decided to get on Tinder - seriously - this is so unlike her. She set up a lot of dates for those 6 weeks and made it clear what she was looking for... basically turned it into an interview and made no bones about exactly what she was looking for - in her profile she said she wasn't a party animal, hated dressing up and dancing, was basically a wallflower, wanted someone who could run 10k regularly, was at least 6ft, non smoker, no tattoos, no gym bunny, etc - it was hilarious watching her go through the profiles and eliminating them - loves his car too much, loves himself too much, too much bling, bodybuilder, etc - she's not an outwardly over confident person but she was so hacked off about being messed about by her indecisive ex that she decided to cut the crap and get to the point so she made it clear she wanted marriage and kids and that's what she was keen to get to the bottom of on the dates - it sounds brutal doesn't it but one guy stood out... 2 houses later, 7 years later, she has a 3yo and one 4 months old and he is great guy IMHO who is all hands on deck when it comes to looking after both his children any time of the day or night, regardless of who is ill or tired or stressed about work. I admire the way my daughter went about it - she really doesn't come across as the kind of person that would be so single minded and determined but her head rules her heart at all times... that's why she gave her ex the 6 week ultimatum. He was a nice enough guy but didn't want to be tied down too young or too early in the relationship (understandable) and seemed to want to play the field a bit more. Maybe there's some inspiration in that story for someone. You can't just "hope" - you have to go after what you want and be ruthless about it.

Sounds like you don't want to solo parent, and I'm sure you also only want a good parenting partner. I'd say concentrate on making yourself both a great partner and someone who will choose a partner wisely. These things are in your control.

The ages in my nct class ran from 29 to 42. Mid 30s was average. Definitely not too old.

Average age of first time mothers is now 32. I had mine at 41 and 43. Many of my friends had theirs in their 40s, oldest being 46. All conceived naturally.

Behave OP. Most women I know didn't have kids til their late 30s.

I sometimes think mumsnet is desperatly
trying to change the narrative of life. All
these parents in their 40’s is unusual.

Looking forward to the grandparent/MIL threads on here in about fourty years!

I felt very similar at 29. I'd just come out of a 3 year relationship (my first) as he'd decided he really wasn't sure about children or staying in the UK. I was so worried I'd never meet anyone else and never get to have the family I longed for. But I got back into online dating and had no qualms about making it clear I wanted children by my mid thirties, but obviously that was only one aspect of what I was looking for! Met my now husband and I had my children at 32 and 34.

I honestly think you have nothing to worry about but going back in time, I remember how worried I felt, but I knew agonising about it would make me come off desperate and have less chance of finding someone! So I kind of had to make my peace with the fact that maybe I wouldn't end up with children, and that would be ok - there would be positives to it.

I had a horrendous break up (we were engaged) at 30 and felt like that was it for me in terms of children. The thing is - whatever age you are, you feel old, because it’s the oldest YOU’VE ever been. I promise you 30 is no age at all.

I did some solo trips, did a tiny bit of dating, and crucially, prioritized my friends. I really expanded my friendship group and met lots of people of different ages, who were all on different paths through life.

Met my partner at 31 through work, got together at 32, and I’m currently writing this with our baby sleeping on my chest, born when I was 35. (Also, if it helps, most people in our antenatal classes as first time mums were in their mid-to-late 30s).

Just had my first at 38, only met my partner at 34, took us a few years to conceive. You’ve got time.

It's 50/50 amongst my group of friends - the ones that had a baby under 30 it was either a surprise, they'd met their DHs at university, or they were religious.

The other 50% met their partners after 30 and started having babies then.

I didn’t even meet my partner until I was 31, and was one of the youngest in my ante natal group at 34. Now at 37 most of the mums at nursery are older than me! 30 is no age to be panicking. Please don’t worry.

I agree that you need to be really picky about who you date, make sure they want children and get rid quickly, if not suitable. There will be a percentage of women, who never have a live birth, because they have left it too late (for their body) and that starts at 35. According to fertility doctors, they fill their clinics. But there's a percentage of women who don't have issues until 40. You've got time, but used that time wisely.

I hear you, there’s a lot of societal pressure for women once we reach 30, I had a hard time and really felt like I’d failed on what I wanted in life because I was single and had no children at 30

I went on to meet DH, had my first at 33 and second at 37. Echoing that our NCT group with the first was all mostly 30+

Don't give up if that’s what you want from life OP there’s still time

I met my DH a week before my 30th, married at 33 and had children at 34 (honeymoon baby conceived on first attempt) and 36. I only have 1 friend who had a child before 30.
20's is the time to travel, build your career, get financially stable and figure out who you are as a person I think. At 30 you need to start considering your priorities. As a poster said above, if a partner and children is what you want, you need to start dating intentionally.

Looking at it from a different angle, it’s completely understandable to feel “behind” if you are the only one in your friendship circle to not have kids yet / not have a relationship.

It is really easy to compare and I have been a victim of this in the past.

The good news is these thoughts are not facts and 30 is still incredibly young.

I was by far the youngest in my NCT class with my first at 27. 80% of couples were over 35.

Are you actively going out of you way to find a partner? Or looking into your options?

I have a 47 year old friend who is trying for a baby still. I don't know anyone who had a baby in their 20s

I think 30 can often be seen as this big milestone where you have your shit together but for many people it’s not. It’s very likely you still have plenty of time to meet a partner and have children. I know lots of mums who’ve had their first late 30s and still fit in a second child too. Depending on where you live, this might seem older (I think in cities older parents seem more commonplace) but it happens a lot.

Agree with earlier poster about dating with intention. You’ve got time but don’t waste it on those who aren’t worth it/ aren’t on the same page.