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AIBU?

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Original poster

My head is spinning. Am I in the wrong here or is he?!

259 replies

Whataa · 14/02/2026 22:14

If I say to DP anything with the word ‘if’ in it, he says im threatening him.

Examples are, i’ll say ‘if we can’t organise the holiday asap then i will need to move the dates for work and we’ll have to cancel these suggested dates.’

the context is always dp dragging his feet with something and causing a knock on effect of stress in my life and for DS as nothing is organised. Is it threatening for me to say this in response?

OP posts:
Hiptothisjive · 14/02/2026 22:26

It isn’t threatening but it is an ultimatum and confrontational approach. He isn’t helping at all and I get you are frustrated but I certainly wouldn’t be responding well if I was spoken to that way.

Original poster
Whataa · 14/02/2026 22:26

Isittimeformynapyet · 14/02/2026 22:24

If it's really the "if" that's the problem try "We've got to settle the dates by next Monday or I'll need to change my holiday period"

@Isittimeformynapyet he says that’s a threat too. Anything where I’m ‘cancelling’ anything

OP posts:
thetinsoldier · 14/02/2026 22:25

So what solutions can you think of?

i imagine that if you leave it to him to organise dates before you book time off, nothing happens?

Could you and ds go away without him?

What’s the rest of your relationship like?

Isittimeformynapyet · 14/02/2026 22:24

If it's really the "if" that's the problem try "We've got to settle the dates by next Monday or I'll need to change my holiday period"

Catza · 14/02/2026 22:23

Whataa · 14/02/2026 22:22

@Catza tried that for weeks. Eventually I have to put a line in the sand and it ends up with an ‘if’ sentence

Does the "of" sentence help? Doesn't sound like it...

Original poster
Whataa · 14/02/2026 22:23

thetinsoldier · 14/02/2026 22:22

It’s not threatening.

Sounds like your h can’t get organised, you save dates, eg for holidays, then you have to change them because your h hasn’t tried to get the same dates off?

is this a regular problem in your lives? Sounds hella frustrating.

Edited

@thetinsoldier yes exactly. It’s shit as messes all our lives around

OP posts:
thetinsoldier · 14/02/2026 22:22

It’s not threatening.

Sounds like your h can’t get organised, you save dates, eg for holidays, then you have to change them because your h hasn’t tried to get the same dates off?

is this a regular problem in your lives? Sounds hella frustrating.

Original poster
Whataa · 14/02/2026 22:22

@Catza tried that for weeks. Eventually I have to put a line in the sand and it ends up with an ‘if’ sentence

OP posts:
Catza · 14/02/2026 22:20

Weird sentence construction which isn't exactly threatening but doesn't sound massively friendly either. Kinda like my ex starting every sentence with "make sure".
Why not say "could you please tell me which dates might be good for you".