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Original poster

Public tantrum - comments

90 replies

HeyGoat · 14/02/2026 21:31

NC for this. Feeling very upset and overwhelmed so want to know thoughts (as I’m sure it’ll happen again!)

My DS has just turned 3. He’s a lovely sensitive little soul. Yesterday we went to a playtime session held in a local venue where they have blocks and toys to play with and he usually loved it. However, someone took his tower that he was building (the other parent did nothing) and my DS started crying quite loudly.

I took him away from the other kids, tried to calm him down but he was shouting and crying. He eventually (within at least 3-4 mins) did stop and was happy to continue.

However, a member of staff from the venue came up to us saying how loud DS was and that she could hear him from outside. I kindly said he wasn’t very happy but now is, and that it is normal for kids to cry.

Since then I’ve felt so so so judged. Those moments are tough as parents and I already knew everyone was looking at me and DS but I did my best to diffuse the situation. But I feel so bad that a random member of the public needed to comment.

should I have done something differently?

OP posts:
AfternoonTeaAddict · 15/02/2026 11:24

personally from what you describe, your DS behaved perfectly normally and you dealt with it well. You are overthinking and I completely understand that.

FWIW my fore-mentioned DS1 (the one who trantrummed next to the bus stop) is now 16. He is a gloriously lovely boy who has learned to self regulate his own emotions much better than either his dad and I have learned to regulate ours. Grin

NewGoldFox · 15/02/2026 10:06

My kids were both loud criers! I just put it down to them having lovely healthy lungs 😂

Original poster
HeyGoat · 15/02/2026 09:51

PickledElectricity · 15/02/2026 09:49

Not much you can do, but maybe have some flippant comments in your back pocket.

I'd have said something like "I know! Poor mite was absolutely devastated that his tower was knocked over!"

Or

"Good lungs, eh? We're thinking of sending him to opera"

The person was a tit for making a comment but it's entirely possible it wasn't meant badly.

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To opera! That made me chuckle thank you!

OP posts:
PickledElectricity · 15/02/2026 09:49

HeyGoat · 14/02/2026 22:03

Wonder if anyone has any guidance on what I could do better in this situation next time to avoid the comments?

Not much you can do, but maybe have some flippant comments in your back pocket.

I'd have said something like "I know! Poor mite was absolutely devastated that his tower was knocked over!"

Or

"Good lungs, eh? We're thinking of sending him to opera"

The person was a tit for making a comment but it's entirely possible it wasn't meant badly.

Original poster
HeyGoat · 15/02/2026 09:42

lifeisgoodrightnow · 15/02/2026 09:22

We’ve all been there. Ignore that person

Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
HeyGoat · 15/02/2026 09:38

Bearbookagainandagain · 15/02/2026 09:19

I said it seemed OTT, I wasn't there.

But you're not describing a situation where the other child was repeatedly or violently taking your son's toys away. Yes, there is an expectation that he will share, and with blocks it's easy, you just get some more a bit further. So I am struggling to see how that led to a huge tantrum.

And yes my own kids are unreasonable at times, and have tantrum in public, and it's OTT. They are toddlers, it's normal.

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He just turned 3 so everything I’ve read doesn’t seem to say he should share when someone smashes his tower on the floor then runs off with the blocks.

OP posts:
lifeisgoodrightnow · 15/02/2026 09:22

We’ve all been there. Ignore that person

Holdinguphalfthesky · 15/02/2026 09:20

HeyGoat · 15/02/2026 08:51

Part of me is thinking of complaining but I feel too humiliated to go there again. I should add we usually love it and the other staff are so lovely but sadly Friday was awful.

The woman who spoke to you like that had no business doing so, what a horrible thing to do. I agree with pp that children do cry a they do have tantrums and it sounds like you were doing everything right for your son. So give yourself a parenting star ⭐️ and a treat, tell yourself that you weren’t wrong and neither was your son.

If you see that staff member again you would be justified in saying to her that her behaviour made you feel shamed and unhappy. She wasn’t part of the playgroup and she had no business saying anything to you. You don’t have to be rude or aggressive, just calm and cold, but she sounds like a bit of a bully and maybe should feel that hot prickle of embarrassment herself.

What else could you have done in the moment? Smothering children isn’t allowed, and there’s not much else you can do when someone is in full meltdown. It has to run its course. You could tell her that, too.

Bearbookagainandagain · 15/02/2026 09:19

HeyGoat · 15/02/2026 09:10

Thanks for saying my child’s reaction was OTT. That really cheered me up. Sigh.

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I said it seemed OTT, I wasn't there.

But you're not describing a situation where the other child was repeatedly or violently taking your son's toys away. Yes, there is an expectation that he will share, and with blocks it's easy, you just get some more a bit further. So I am struggling to see how that led to a huge tantrum.

And yes my own kids are unreasonable at times, and have tantrum in public, and it's OTT. They are toddlers, it's normal.

Original poster
HeyGoat · 15/02/2026 09:10

Bearbookagainandagain · 15/02/2026 08:52

The staff member was wrong to make a comment.

But it's difficult to say from your description whether you and your child's reaction was reasonable or not. In a play group like this it's unavoidable that children will want the same toys at some point, I wouldn't let another child snatch something out of my kids hands, but I also wouldn't let me child hoard blocks for his tower. So it seems the shouting and loud crying was over the top.

Obviously when kids are tired etc they can overreact! Ultimately you did the right thing removing him from the situation, I'm just surprised it went that far.

Thanks for saying my child’s reaction was OTT. That really cheered me up. Sigh.

OP posts:
Original poster
HeyGoat · 15/02/2026 09:08

Bearbookagainandagain · 15/02/2026 08:52

The staff member was wrong to make a comment.

But it's difficult to say from your description whether you and your child's reaction was reasonable or not. In a play group like this it's unavoidable that children will want the same toys at some point, I wouldn't let another child snatch something out of my kids hands, but I also wouldn't let me child hoard blocks for his tower. So it seems the shouting and loud crying was over the top.

Obviously when kids are tired etc they can overreact! Ultimately you did the right thing removing him from the situation, I'm just surprised it went that far.

He wasn’t hoarding blocks. He had them for a short amount of time. He is allowed to play…..

OP posts:
Bearbookagainandagain · 15/02/2026 08:52

The staff member was wrong to make a comment.

But it's difficult to say from your description whether you and your child's reaction was reasonable or not. In a play group like this it's unavoidable that children will want the same toys at some point, I wouldn't let another child snatch something out of my kids hands, but I also wouldn't let me child hoard blocks for his tower. So it seems the shouting and loud crying was over the top.

Obviously when kids are tired etc they can overreact! Ultimately you did the right thing removing him from the situation, I'm just surprised it went that far.

Original poster
HeyGoat · 15/02/2026 08:51

Part of me is thinking of complaining but I feel too humiliated to go there again. I should add we usually love it and the other staff are so lovely but sadly Friday was awful.

OP posts:
LittleMG · 15/02/2026 08:48

Hang on a minute, they are holding some sort of child play event and complain when a toddler screams?! Next time ask them if they know where they are. Morons.

MyLimeGuide · 15/02/2026 08:38

HeyGoat · 14/02/2026 22:03

Wonder if anyone has any guidance on what I could do better in this situation next time to avoid the comments?

Middle finger?

Original poster
HeyGoat · 15/02/2026 08:34

AfternoonTeaAddict · 15/02/2026 08:00

Yes this. Think no more of it. Most of us have been there. I do recall a friend of mine (who also has had children) getting shirty about a kid crying in a cafe and I thought to myself Don't you remember what that time was like?'

My favourite story about a tantrum. DS1 was about 3 and had a massive tantrum on the ground on the pavement. I stood over him, feet planted either side of him so he would not roll into the actual road and just stood looking into the middle distance with my arms folded while he thrashed about. Then I noticed we were opposite a bus stop and the entire bus was laughing at us - but in a supportive understanding way. It made me laugh too and was a nice memory in the end. Just everyone on that damned bus 'got it'.

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Brilliant!!! Did it do the trick?

OP posts:
Original poster
HeyGoat · 15/02/2026 08:33

ApplebyArrows · 15/02/2026 08:27

Bizarre behaviour from the adults. Why would anyone who has previously encountered a child make those kinds of comments?

I wish I knew. It’s still bothering me!

OP posts:
ApplebyArrows · 15/02/2026 08:27

Bizarre behaviour from the adults. Why would anyone who has previously encountered a child make those kinds of comments?

AfternoonTeaAddict · 15/02/2026 08:00

TheFairyCaravan · 14/02/2026 21:59

You should have congratulated on her working hearing.

Cheeky cow. Children cry, it’s what they do. It was a toddler play session fgs, she’s lucky it only went on for 3 or 4 minutes. Pay no attention to her.

Yes this. Think no more of it. Most of us have been there. I do recall a friend of mine (who also has had children) getting shirty about a kid crying in a cafe and I thought to myself Don't you remember what that time was like?'

My favourite story about a tantrum. DS1 was about 3 and had a massive tantrum on the ground on the pavement. I stood over him, feet planted either side of him so he would not roll into the actual road and just stood looking into the middle distance with my arms folded while he thrashed about. Then I noticed we were opposite a bus stop and the entire bus was laughing at us - but in a supportive understanding way. It made me laugh too and was a nice memory in the end. Just everyone on that damned bus 'got it'.

muddyford · 15/02/2026 07:56

I'm not a mother but it sounds as though you handled it very well. Like the young Dad in Sainsbury's a few weeks ago, picked up his tantruming son under his arm, like a roll of carpet, and took him outside to calm down.

Original poster
HeyGoat · 15/02/2026 07:51

Twingoo · 14/02/2026 23:33

These things trigger intense emotions - your child screaming, feeling socially uncomfortable, deciding on what action to take, diffusing a meltdown in public, being annoyed or conscious of the other parents, then being ‘told off’ - that’s a lot of emotional incidents compounding on each other. It’s no wonder you feel discombobulated. Don’t try to blame or feel shame. Let it go. Your DS is recalibrated now - make sure you are too.

Thank you ❤️

OP posts:
Twingoo · 14/02/2026 23:33

These things trigger intense emotions - your child screaming, feeling socially uncomfortable, deciding on what action to take, diffusing a meltdown in public, being annoyed or conscious of the other parents, then being ‘told off’ - that’s a lot of emotional incidents compounding on each other. It’s no wonder you feel discombobulated. Don’t try to blame or feel shame. Let it go. Your DS is recalibrated now - make sure you are too.

Original poster
HeyGoat · 14/02/2026 22:57

Catza · 14/02/2026 22:51

And so he will. I honestly think you are overthinking this. So a couple of people said something, so what. That's a reflection on them, not you. If staff member doesn't like loud children, they should not work at this venue. End of. Nothing whatsoever to do with you.

Edited
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Because it’s the first time it’s happened that someone has commented and I felt like crap.

OP posts:
Catza · 14/02/2026 22:51

HeyGoat · 14/02/2026 21:48

We actually heard the parent say that DS needs to learn to share when he started crying….

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And so he will. I honestly think you are overthinking this. So a couple of people said something, so what. That's a reflection on them, not you. If staff member doesn't like loud children, they should not work at this venue. End of. Nothing whatsoever to do with you.

Original poster
HeyGoat · 14/02/2026 22:36

ThatMintMember · 14/02/2026 22:30

He did thank you :) unfortunately we've had a few similar incidents with grabby kids! He's a sensitive little soul but I do my best to speak up for him.

Don't worry at all about the tantrum, that was caused by someone else's kid and their parents so not your fault at all. Don't feel you need to duck out to keep everyone else happy! :)

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Glad to hear! Never nice when the little ones are poorly and good on you for listening to your gut ❤️

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