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AIBU?

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Ex refusing to help cut autistic sons hair

27 replies

TheReaderIs · 14/02/2026 17:26

My son is autistic (profoundly) and it is extremely stressful and difficult to cut his hair. Normally ex does it while I have to hold DS hands and stop him thrashing around.

Last time he did it I took him back to mine and I noticed a scratch from the clippers on his back, I took a photo a sent it to ex saying oh no, poor DS 😢

Ex took it really badly saying how I was accusing him of intentionally harming DS, I apologised immediately and said that really wasn’t my intention, I deleted the photo and reassured him that he did a really good job in very difficult circumstances.

Oldest said today that his dad will no longer help cut his brothers hair as “I have full custody”

I told oldest that his dad and I will discuss that together. I text ex and he said that my behaviour has been erratic and he doesn’t trust what I would do should that happen again (DS getting clipped) I also don’t like the idea of him discussing private matters with oldest or saying that I’ve been accusing his dad of stuff, I haven’t.

So this leaves me in the lurch now as it was always something we would do together. Was I very wrong to send him that photo? I didn’t mean anything by it or accuse him of anything.

Opinions welcome, thank you.

OP posts:
Bobbie12345678 · 14/02/2026 17:32

It does sound pretty accusing to send him the photo to be honest. I would be annoyed too. What were you trying to achieve by it? I cannot really think of any positive reason for sending it. He was there when it happened. He probably felt bad already. He doesn’t need to be reminded.

Nickyknackered · 14/02/2026 17:31

I think it was pretty mean of you at best and in his position I wouldn't want to do it again either. You tried to make him feel guilty and its no surprise he's worried about what you might do next time, report him?

Look for professionals who specialise in cutting hair for children and adults with autism.

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