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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not lend the money to ex

64 replies

Isitvintage · 14/02/2026 17:16

My ex, who we share a toddler with has asked if I could lend him money.

On Valentine’s Day! When the reason we broke up was he had a secret family and double life. Who he happily spent the holidays with. And the woman keeps sending me rude messages from different numbers (blocked her). He has also missed all of his CM payments. He has been “babysitting” lately, so we’ve seen more of eachother recently.

My initial reaction is no. But then I feel bad. AIBU for saying no?

OP posts:
OVienna · 14/02/2026 17:31

YWBVU to give him a bean. Woman, please. Purse shut.

plentyofsunshine · 14/02/2026 17:30

Do not give him a penny! It's him that should be giving you money.

Original poster
Isitvintage · 14/02/2026 17:30

Shinyandnew1 · 14/02/2026 17:23

YABVU to even consider this?!

What does he want it for-to take his new girlfriend out to dinner?!

Don’t be a mug.

Thank you. This is the first thought that came to my mind.

But it doesn’t matter. He lost the right to ask when he tore our family apart.

OP posts:
Rhaidimiddim · 14/02/2026 17:29

Isitvintage · 14/02/2026 17:16

My ex, who we share a toddler with has asked if I could lend him money.

On Valentine’s Day! When the reason we broke up was he had a secret family and double life. Who he happily spent the holidays with. And the woman keeps sending me rude messages from different numbers (blocked her). He has also missed all of his CM payments. He has been “babysitting” lately, so we’ve seen more of eachother recently.

My initial reaction is no. But then I feel bad. AIBU for saying no?

Absolutely do not! He is failing to provide for your child with him - meaning you have to cover his share of parental costs. And now he wants to compromise your ability to support your child financially.

You do realise that, if you say yes once, he'll factor it into his spending that he can tap you for cash whenever he runs out.

Original poster
Isitvintage · 14/02/2026 17:29

Since I left he has the house and everything to maintain, and I know it takes up his whole salary plus bills. So I guess the financial knowledge I have makes me feel bad. @Howisitfebruaryalready

Good idea @BudgetBuster - can’t believe he has paid nothing. I’ve selected click and collect though.

BUT when he asked my first thought was “the bloody cheek” and “you shouldn’t have ever cheated if you can’t maintain your life” - the other woman has 6 kids so I know it’s a mess (1 is his).

Thanks I think I need to hear I’m not being unreasonable. I am doing counselling to work through everything as it has been such a tough time.

OP posts:
sorrynotathome · 14/02/2026 17:24

YABU for "feeling bad". Don't be so ridiculous.

Shinyandnew1 · 14/02/2026 17:23

YABVU to even consider this?!

What does he want it for-to take his new girlfriend out to dinner?!

Don’t be a mug.

Howisitfebruaryalready · 14/02/2026 17:21

Not even 20p to call home. You'd never see it again, he'd hold to against you forever but also treat you as a soft touch and th new partner would be jitter and escalate.

Interesting you feel guilty though...maybe thinking about why that might be would help you work through it.

BudgetBuster · 14/02/2026 17:21

He owes YOU money for the upkeep of your shares child.

And now he wants you to give him more money... which will inevitably take away from you and your child again? Absolutely not. I'd be sending him the o/s balance of his CMS.

Lastofthesummerwines · 14/02/2026 17:20

You feel bad for someone who can’t support his child ? If he can’t get his priorities right then you need to get yours right instead .. that money could be spent on your child . Don’t let him keep him keep walking over you . You lend him the money this time he will keep asking . Work on your boundaries …

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 14/02/2026 17:20

Why are you even questioning this?
No, no, no no no! If you can say no to him without laughing, you're a better woman than me. He's treated you badly and some babysitting stints don't make up for that. To be honest, he isn't babysitting, he's looking after his own child.
I wonder if his sudden helpfulness had asking you for money at it's back

Hwory · 14/02/2026 17:20

Why would you consider giving a man money who lied to you that also isn't contributing towards the cost of raising their child?

confusedbadmama · 14/02/2026 17:18

How much money does he want to borrow?

GatherlyGal · 14/02/2026 17:18

Absolutely do not lend him money. Valentines day or any other day.

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