Reform to institute Prima Nocta

CoolFineDoneWicked · 2026-02-14T16:19:37+00:00

Farage has promised to institute Prima Nocta if they win the next GE. All women will have to have unprotected sex with another man on their wedding night, but here's the twist - the woman gets to choose the man. They've got my vote. Are they being unreasonable?

Ileithyia · 16/02/2026 11:48

viques · 15/02/2026 14:10

If, for the sake of argument, TC did get involved, and if, for the sake of argument I drew his name out of the hat , do you think I would then go on his Christmas coconut cake gifting list, because, and no offence to Tom intended - I would of course fulfil my part of the bargain and think of England - but I would love the cake because I have seen pictures of them and they look amazing.

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I think if you ask nicely TC would probably bake you a cake. And of course he’d need something to do for 20-30 minutes whilst it’s in the oven, so…..

viques · 15/02/2026 14:10

Ileithyia · 15/02/2026 11:04

Tom Cruise has no say in the matter. This is Nigel’s Law, he must obey it.

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If, for the sake of argument, TC did get involved, and if, for the sake of argument I drew his name out of the hat , do you think I would then go on his Christmas coconut cake gifting list, because, and no offence to Tom intended - I would of course fulfil my part of the bargain and think of England - but I would love the cake because I have seen pictures of them and they look amazing.

Original poster

CoolFineDoneWicked · 15/02/2026 13:43

ObsessiveGoogler · 15/02/2026 11:23

Given their other policies there will be a lot of spare small boats no longer in use which could be upgraded and repurposed. I think it would be rather romantic for us all to be cheering from the beaches as the cream of international manhood come into view looking a bit green and clinging to the side of an inflatable.

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Cream of international manhood 🙌

OP posts:

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/02/2026 13:26

Brilliant idea OP.

I think I’d probably marry the first guy who came along if I got my one night with Jacob Elordi.

ObsessiveGoogler · 15/02/2026 11:23

Dabralor · 14/02/2026 17:48

It’s like deliveroo- they arrive tepid and a bit sweaty on the back of an e-bike. Later than you’d like and not as nice as you’d hoped.

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Given their other policies there will be a lot of spare small boats no longer in use which could be upgraded and repurposed. I think it would be rather romantic for us all to be cheering from the beaches as the cream of international manhood come into view looking a bit green and clinging to the side of an inflatable.

HangingOutAtTheRialto · 15/02/2026 11:10

Dragonflytamer · 14/02/2026 19:41

To be fair it hard when there is quite some much Labour anti reform nonsense. But hey maybe those posters think we need more pedo supporters in the Lords.

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We get it, but you are going to have to choose between Steve Bannon, Big Donny T and Nick Candy as your special guest star. You can't have them all.

Ileithyia · 15/02/2026 11:04

CoolFineDoneWicked · 14/02/2026 17:46

I think, as a pp said, you will have to divorce and remarry. Vow renewals do not count.

Sorry @Piggywaspushed, I doubt Tom Cruise would be up for it.

Tom Cruise has no say in the matter. This is Nigel’s Law, he must obey it.

Ileithyia · 15/02/2026 11:02

CoolFineDoneWicked · 14/02/2026 18:52

No, no. You get one night only, then any foreigners need to bugger off back to Hollywood home.

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Sorry, I wasn’t clear, I would marry someone who needs a ‘green card’ to help them stay in the UK, and then claim my one night with the man of my choosing. Not the person I was marrying. I have no desire to actually be married, so a lavender or convenience for immigration purposes marriage is all I’d be willing to do.

Viviennemary · 14/02/2026 21:10

How exciting.

Petrolitis · 14/02/2026 21:08

CoolFineDoneWicked · 14/02/2026 17:49

Really don't worry about being a burden on the taxpayer. It is all fully costed, as I said above. There will be so much money sloshing around after Reform's DOGE has done their work, that there will be enough for this, the NHS, and a sovereign wealth fund. The trains will also run on time.

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Hmmm hmmm

I really didn't think I would ever vote Reform (what with it being entirely contrary to my principles and all) but OP it does seem that if everything is costed and this policy has been throughly scrutinised then there are no obvous downsides.

Saddle Hiddleston up.

It was the trains running on time that tipped me over the edge.

LoveSandbanks · 14/02/2026 20:57

Nope, I'm sorry, I can't bring myself to vote reform, not even to bed David Tennant!

Original poster

CoolFineDoneWicked · 14/02/2026 20:49

ILikeKeirStarmer · 14/02/2026 20:47

I mean, Britain could become way more fun! Gangs of marauding brides grabbing wailing men off the streets to have their wicked way with them. Good-looking men hiding for fear of having to perform beyond the point of exhaustion!

We could become like a cold Thailand - sex tourism in coats 😂

Edited

Reform need to sell the TV rights, it could be the anti-Handmaid's Tale.

OP posts:

ILikeKeirStarmer · 14/02/2026 20:47

I mean, Britain could become way more fun! Gangs of marauding brides grabbing wailing men off the streets to have their wicked way with them. Good-looking men hiding for fear of having to perform beyond the point of exhaustion!

We could become like a cold Thailand - sex tourism in coats 😂

ThreeTescoBags · 14/02/2026 20:38

Just throw me at the Gladiators, I'll take whichever one draws the short straw

Onlyontuesday · 14/02/2026 20:18

Can we be sensible please?

I do worry there wont be enough ££££ to spend on England flags if we selfishly pick someone who needs to be flown in.

Dolamroth · 14/02/2026 20:09

CarefullyCuratedFurniture · 14/02/2026 19:56

I really wouldn't mind if Sean Bean was tepid and a bit sweaty. Its all for the good of the country, after all.

Same

CarefullyCuratedFurniture · 14/02/2026 19:56

I really wouldn't mind if Sean Bean was tepid and a bit sweaty. Its all for the good of the country, after all.

drspouse · 14/02/2026 19:54

GirlsInGreen · 14/02/2026 17:42

There's always one CF! NO it can't be back dated @Dolamroth you'll have to divorce & remarry.

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I'm already planning to do this as my DF has an honour which he got after we got married and it means I can get married in St Paul's Cathedral.

Dragonflytamer · 14/02/2026 19:41

GirlsInGreen · 14/02/2026 17:47

Oh god - we've been living in the land of the crazed the last few years, we've become unable to spot sarcasm.
Hell in a handcart I tell you.<tuts>

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To be fair it hard when there is quite some much Labour anti reform nonsense. But hey maybe those posters think we need more pedo supporters in the Lords.

Original poster

CoolFineDoneWicked · 14/02/2026 19:07

fartoomuchtoblerone · 14/02/2026 18:59

Is the dude allowed to be brown or is that a stupid question?

Of course! Some of Nigel's best donors are brown.

OP posts:

fartoomuchtoblerone · 14/02/2026 18:59

Is the dude allowed to be brown or is that a stupid question?

Fairislesweater · 14/02/2026 18:56

What if your chosen hunk turns out to be crap in bed. Is there a reserve policy?

Original poster

CoolFineDoneWicked · 14/02/2026 18:52

Ileithyia · 14/02/2026 18:31

I could go for this, and we could use it to do a good turn for an immigrant by doing a ‘green card’ marriage. Everyone’s a winner!!

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No, no. You get one night only, then any foreigners need to bugger off back to Hollywood home.

OP posts:

Ileithyia · 14/02/2026 18:31

CoolFineDoneWicked · 14/02/2026 17:25

Reform are extremely pro choice - it can be literally anyone, and we don’t have to share. This will be taxpayer funded, and, like all Reform policies, has been fully costed.

Play ball.

I could go for this, and we could use it to do a good turn for an immigrant by doing a ‘green card’ marriage. Everyone’s a winner!!

GirlsInGreen · 14/02/2026 18:28

FindingMeno · 14/02/2026 17:53

Could I get a voucher for a decent curry instead?

😁