I wonder if he's neurodivergent

Any update, OP?

OP it does sound like he could be autistic. I recognise a lot of these behaviours from loved ones who are. Maybe he can learn the impact on you of these behaviours if you are willing to try. But if it all seems too difficult, maybe he’s not the right guy for you.

Hah, that’s rich having contributed a remark like that! Not everyone is neurodivergent. Clue is in the name!

You sound like you need different things. Can you actually handle/be blunt in a relationship? You could try telling him clearly that you need xyz and see if he responds appropriately.

He’s not that into you. You deserve - and will get - a man who is.

No, it doesn't sound like it's an issue with you being full on. Please don't make yourself smaller for this guy.

Not everyone is neurodivergent.
We are all part of a neurodiverse society. That’s different.

You sound very intense and he sounds typically autistic to me. I'm not sure that's a very good combo tbh.

Just tell him clearly what you'd like him to do and see if he can do it. I think it's that simple really.

Quite. If I was getting texts like that after six weeks I would be running for the hills - it's way too much.

To add, you sound quite intense. Maybe he ignores your messages and sits in another room thinking ‘wow, its been 6 weeks and she is already like this.’

I mean potentially he could be, he certainly sounds like he has anxiety, he could be ND with anxiety. I have a friend who is similar but not to quite the same extreme. I would tell him how it makes you feel and ask if he's willing to work on his feelings and the behaviours perhaps by seeking therapy. If he's willing and you want to see how it turns out then do that. If it's not for you and you don't want to stick about to see what happens or he's not willing to try then definitely leave. It's certainly not something you should just be expected to put up with.

Dating a month and a half and having ‘dark days’?

Nope. Chuck this one back.

I'm married to an autistic man. OP, the problem isn't his (possible) autism; some people would be happy in a relationship with the person you're describing. The problem is that you're incompatible.

You want to talk about feelings a lot and want a great deal of interaction from the person you're dating from the off. He obviously doesn't. He enjoys companionable silence, or doing different things together. You don't. He is not going to be the man who is constantly giving you signs of his interest, or compliments, or just texting you out of the blue to tell you how much he's missed you. More importantly, knowing that the way he behaves is because he's autistic won't change either the behaviour or your response to it. Whether you tell him directly or not, he's not going to suddenly start giving you more of the attention you want.

You're six weeks in. Break up.

You say you're not being intense but you've just described being insanely intense for a six week old "relationship".

It sounds like you love the drama really.
Distancing yourself with the hope that he'll "change your mind" is a silly game.

Everyone is neurodivergent in some way, as we are human beings, so forget the label for starters. Also, he sounds like an arsehole; get rid.

I don’t think you’re compatible. Whether he has autism or not he isn’t meeting your needs

No he can’t.
I tried to talk to DH many times. On one occasion I said I needed more from him, this isn’t working for me, if you can’t put some effort in we’ll have to get divorced (2 small DC). He said, ‘Oh dear, what a shame.’.

At that point I realised there was no point working on the relationship, I needed to stop looking for him to change and work on making myself happy despite him.

He may well be a lovely man but right now, in the early stages, he isn’t working to please you. He’s behaving according to the dictate of his own needs oblivious to the impact on you. If he was relationship material, he be asking whether things are ok, is he missing things that are important to you, apologising when he’s not up to being sociable.
He isn’t.

Don’t, because unless you are happy to get by on the scraps of what you were hoping for from a relationship, you will be lonely in this relationship.

You ask for advice, you get advice, with a variation of - leave/run/end it/you need boundaries, and your response to the advice is: I really don't want to end things because he's lovely.

Why ask for advice in the first place? Like I said in my original post, whether he's ND or not is not the issue. He's not meeting your needs, period.

Also, the issue could be you. That you're too needy/seeking validation/want constant and/or immediate contact. He might not be the weird one, perhaps you are? After all, you seem happy to subjugate yourself, which I find incredibly weird.

Why do women put up with this shit?

I think you want him for the man you think he could be, rather than the man he is. If he's not meeting your needs now, and he knows what the issues are but his behaviour stays the same, he's not going to change in the future. In some cases, he is telling you who he is e.g. lack of communication with friends and family, as well as you. He may be a lovely person, but that doesn't mean he's the right guy for you.

I was married to one autistic man and dated another for eight years.

The one I married I utterly adored. His weirdnesses and quirks mostly chimed with my own (I have ADHD) and, apart from sometimes 'tuning out' when I was talking to him and a complete inability to structure his time, his behaviour was fine. Our life together was wonderful. Until one day, out of the blue, he decided he had 'done' being married now and didn't need to do it any more and walked out.

The other guy had patterns of behaviour and routines and regulations around the way he lived his life that made our relationship untenable in the end. He was a lovely man but his autism became more and more obvious and problematic (we couldn't go anywhere his dog might not like, and the dog could never, ever be left at home - ruled out the cinema, evenings out, holidays etc) and as he got older he was getting more and more set in his ways.

So I would say, OP, it's not his possible autism that is the problem, it's his behaviour. And if it's not something you would want to live with then I'd give him up because he literally will not be able to change.

Did you post this just to air your thoughts? Because lots of people have taken the time to answer and you've pretty much ignored all of them.

Even if you tell him how you feel, where does that leave you? All you’ve done is told him a whole lot of things that makes him who he is and can’t change