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Original poster

Despise parenting my 3 year old, I hate my life

161 replies

Bessap · 13/02/2026 23:35

Single parent to ds 3. Sees his dad a couple of times over most weekends but never overnight. Ex’s choice. He pays me a decent amount more than cms and seems to think that means it’s ok. I’ve explained it’s not but there will be no change there.

I work full time in a demanding career, I have some financial perks to this which is why I’ve stuck with it. I have lots of flexibility which frankly if I didn’t have I would be jobless as I actually couldn’t cope.

DS was a chilled baby. Ex did nothing since day one and I found it all relatively easy.

Since he turned 3 everything is just shit. I can’t even list it all here and I’m exhausted too so this or any doesn’t make sense. At least five of these things will happen every day… He won’t get dressed, won’t get undressed, won’t have the car seat straps on, won’t like the food I’ve got, hits me if he’s angry, screaming if he wants something or doesn’t get something immediately, shouting I’ve hurt him when I’m literally just lifting him into the car when he doesn’t want to get in. taking socks and shoes off on way to nursery, not wanting to go into nursery sometimes so there’s a huge drama at the car… the list is honestly endless.

i am sure it’s all just normal toddler stuff and I’m about two days to my period so I’m probably feeling shit anyway… but honestly what the fuck are you supposed to do in these situations? Yesterday from the moment I got him up to when I put him to bed it was endless misery. I was relieved to be at work before the moaning and misery started again.

I hate it so much. I’ve tried making things into games or negotiating, I even cried in front of him yesterday which did actually make him stop screaming at me but obviously I don’t want him seeing me crying.

I try so hard, but I am starting to think I’ve gone wrong somewhere. I do try. I am always thinking of nice places to take him, meeting other mum friends so he can play with other children, I always ensure he says please and thank you and I try to teach him to be kind to others. I feel like I give him lots of choices and he does watch tv but limited. I guess what I’m trying to say is I don’t know where the fuck I have gone wrong but things have really descended into shit since he turned 3. When he’s angry he also looks at me like he hates me. I tell him I love him all the time and talk about things he will enjoy doing. Every moment of my days off is spent with him doing things for him. It is all just stress though. My nervous system is shot to pieces, when I get into bed I can barely wind down until maybe an hour or so later.

I am so unhappy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bessap · 13/02/2026 23:49

In nursery they generally say he’s fine and he’s got a few friends who I meet with their parents at weekends so I assume he’s making proper friends (as much as 3 year olds do).

@FantasiaTurquoise i hadn’t thought about the dad thing simply because ex has never lived with us so I thought for ds it was just normal? He sees his dad frequently though, even though it’s not overnight. Do you really think it could be that even though his life has always been this way?

OP posts:
Yolo12345 · 13/02/2026 23:48

Try distracting him with tv while you get him dressed. Bribe him with a half biscuit when it’s time to get dressed/get in car seat and the other half when completed. Promise him ice cream when he get home if he stops screaming. This is just a phase and it will pass. They only fully unleash on the people they trust the most. x

RosesAndHellebores · 13/02/2026 23:48

Instead of all the doing, might some chilling help?

Also people talk of the terrible twos but I remember the frightful frees. They are still imprinted on my memory and he's 31.

Does his father have different boundaries so the wee lad is cinfused about expectations?

I'll be flamed for this but at three I introduced the sweetie jar. 4/5 sweets after tea. If he was naughty, no sweets (you have to follow through). It was just something tiny that could be taken away. For us it worked.

Finally, is nursery a good fit. Is he happy there?

Merseymum1980 · 13/02/2026 23:47

It will get better .My son is 9 all this passed by about 4 and a half x

Chiavennasca · 13/02/2026 23:46

If you’re working full time he probably misses you. That’s not me bashing you btw - I also work full time. I just mean from his 3yo POV he probably feels like he doesn’t see you a lot and when he does it’s things he assumes are bad (getting dressed, car seat straps etc.)

Have you spoken to nursery to find out what his behaviour in there is like?

FantasiaTurquoise · 13/02/2026 23:46

I'm so sorry. You sound like a great mum and some of why you are struggling so much is because you are putting yourself last and leaving nothing for you. If you don't have family who could help with childcare or a sleepover then it's honestly fine if he watches a bit more tv so that you can sit down for 10 minutes and have a cup of tea! At that age just being with you is as important as anything else, you don't have to fill every minute with an improving activity. It might be normal toddler behaviour, it might be that he lets go like this with you because he knows that you love him unconditionally and he can? Or it could be that there are some unexpressed feelings about not having his dad around? I wonder if it's worth looking into play therapy or something like that? Also might be worth having a look at gingerbread, the charity that supports single parents. But please don't add guilt to your mental load. You are doing your best and working twice as hard as most people. Be kind to yourself and cut both of you a bit of slack. If you sit together on the sofa watching a film on Netflix, that's still quality time.

Beamur · 13/02/2026 23:46

It will pass, it's a development phase and the reason he kicks off with you more than anyone else is because you are safe and consistent and loving. He is still learning to regulate and understand his feelings and he feels safe enough with you to let them all out.
The behaviours are a lot around attention seeking and partly about autonomy - some things you can just roll with (clothing is one - just take him in PJ's and bring clothes for example) others not - like the car seat. It's very much a case of pick your battles. Incentives/bribes for peaceful car journeys for example. DD could be bought with raisins for a while but eventually cottoned on that buttons were better...
As a single parent it's especially hard and it sounds like you're doing a pretty decent job all round.

Original poster
Bessap · 13/02/2026 23:44

MumOryLane · 13/02/2026 23:42

Oh you poor thing. This stage is incredibly hard even without the demands of a full time job on top of it and doing it all yourself. You're doing a great job to be holding it all together. Even if you don't feel like it, you are.

You can tell from your post you're a good and loving mum. Just keep pushing through and each week will be a bit easier than the last until you've a proper wee pal instead of a terrorist beside you.

@MumOryLane thanks, I am worried our relationship is damaged now. He really looks at me like he hates me. I’ve shouted at him loads. I wanted to be the best mum I could be but I’m failing all the time. I keep saying to myself I need to be more patient in the morning and then morning comes and some other bat shit move happens that I didn’t anticipate and I just despair

OP posts:
MumOryLane · 13/02/2026 23:42

Oh you poor thing. This stage is incredibly hard even without the demands of a full time job on top of it and doing it all yourself. You're doing a great job to be holding it all together. Even if you don't feel like it, you are.

You can tell from your post you're a good and loving mum. Just keep pushing through and each week will be a bit easier than the last until you've a proper wee pal instead of a terrorist beside you.

Original poster
Bessap · 13/02/2026 23:39

Yolo12345 · 13/02/2026 23:38

It will get better x

@Yolo12345 maybe but I feel like our relationship is ruined by this, I hate being around him and he looks at me like he hates me most of the time!

OP posts:
Yolo12345 · 13/02/2026 23:38

It will get better x

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