My child is being assaulted

I already commented but in light of this.

What is the school policy on supporting children with ASD/ADHD? Does your child have an ECHP or similar and if not, is this something the school is working on to make sure she is getting the attention and help needed?
What is the school policy on safeguarding?
What is the school policy on bullying?

I'd be reviewing the policies in question, outlining the failings (with links to the section/subsection) in each case, as many times as they contravene these, and writing to the chair of governors.

I used to be a school governor and we'd have been down on the school like a ton of bricks if we got wind of something like this happening.

We all know that’s a lie so damnable as to be virtually a statistic.

They must have a safeguarding and a bullying policy. Find them and continue from there. Hope you will come back and ask the hive mind if you are baffled by what to write and to whom.

It certainly sounds like the school were minimising the issue, but you don't know what steps they have been following to deal with the children in question. I don't think its victim blaming to advise a child to stay away, that's just common sense. She can't be hit if she isn't physically near. It doesn't mean hitting is OK. We all do things to avoid harm to ourselves, locking our cars at night, not walking down dark alleys alone at night, it doesn't mean the thieves are rapists aren't to blame, it's just a way of keeping safe. In that sense I don't think its outrageous advice to stay away.

Also, I work with younger kids, thankfully not violent ones, but one of the biggest areas of conflict and causes of upset is when children do not understand no. Children following others or trying to play when a child has said no thank you, or trying to talk to another who wants quiet time etc. They harass until eventually the other child loses control, it never ever justifies using violence but it does explain why these conflicts arise. I'm not saying this is happening here but it is something to consider, I feel the school wouldn't have said this unless there was a reason.

We have a ND DC.
Hitting & punching was never on the agenda.
These DC are seven years old. At 14 years the outcome of their violence will be worse. It needs to be stopped now.

But the instigator is the child continuing to pester this boy. I think both children have poor communication skills and all could be easily resolved if they stay apart - and it's the girl who isn't doing this.

No, 98% of posters aren’t wrong.
Hitting & punching is wrong.
ND or not there is no excuse.

Honestly these responses are ridiculous. Going into school and frightening the staff and parents, no wonder children think they can do what they want.

There will almost certainly be another side to this story. I am imagining the boys parents could easily post 'a girl in my son's school keeps going up to him and harassing him when he is playing with his friend. He has told her no several times but still she continues to pester him every lunchtime and break time. My son is ND and finds this hard to manage and after her ignoring him saying no he has hit out. I am frustrated that the school aren't doing anything to stop this girl going up to my child and getting him in trouble as he is frustrated she isn't staying away from him'.

I genuinely don't understand why the OP isn't making it clear to her own child that no issue would happen if the children just stayed apart.

That is disgusting. Complain to everyone and anyone

This is outrageous, although I can believe it, my daughter was being bullied and teased constantly by a boy who had issues and the school made me remove my daughter who is incredibly shy and quiet and take her to another school! They said they would do a supported move! So they prefer to remove victims as opposed to perpetrators because it's easier! Needless to say

I mean, they do, so…

My reaction is extreme. My DD would be home schooled until another school place was arranged.
Our DS was attacked several times by the same pupil when he was about 12yrs old. This was in a subway near the school.
We contacted the Police who visited the school to speak to the violent pupil.
Teaching staff were happy with the intervention. There were no more attacks.
This was fifteen years ago & I assume the Police would no longer get involved.
Do not allow your DD to be subjected to this treatment. Think of her future mental health. Bad things happen when good people do nothing.

Recommending a 7 year old girl punch a boy the same age or older is not sensible. She will come off much worse.

And remove the repeatedly violent ones from mainstream schools if they cannot learn not to hit others.

This is beyond outrageous. I too would be furious and escalating it as far as possible. As pps have said, copy in chair of governors and safeguarding lead as well as the head. You have every right to demand that your child is safe from assault/bullying. How dare the head take that stance?!

I would also threaten MP/newspaper/sm coverage if the above didn't achieve anything, although not immediately. A clear message needs to be sent to all children and they are failing every child in that school, especially your dd, with their pathetic "keep out of their way".

Their mothers, partners, own children- just as long as we make sure those they assault know it’s their fault!

Part of the problem is that the definition of autism has broadened significantly since DSM-5 in 2013. There are children with mild autism who clearly benefit from being in mainstream schools and others with more severe forms who do not but if anyone says this they are "bigots". That word is now equivalent to telling people with a different opinion to STFU.

The difficulty is that schools are being expected to meet the needs of children with behavioural difficulties and it is increasingly difficult to exclude children who are essentially not safe. The school’s hands are tied. These children may have ehcp’s which are legally binding documents which demand that they are in the mainstream system and mixing with other children.

They need to be taught that they can't always get their own way and that hitting or kicking or punching is never acceptable, especially not when it's a boy hitting a girl due to strength differences.

They'll end up treating their mothers the same way down the line.

A failure in safeguarding combined with some absolutely gross misogyny. Nice.

These are kids though, not adults. They don’t understand all that … someone constantly coming up to them and annoying them, then yes they hit out. Are they actually approaching her to hit her or trying to tell her to go away?

Yes, it does make you wonder … probably a bit more to all this.

Bloody outrageous. Teach boys to control themselves, not girls to control themselves. It suggests that the girls are at fault for provoking the boys.

Just this👆What a message for children, teaching girls to tip toe round males and males that they have no accountability.

I am a Mother to two boys and I'd be livid if my sons behaved like that and more so that their behaviour was excused.

The problem with those policies is that they only apply to the generally good kids who make a mistake. The habitually violent have different rules.

If boys lash out and assault a girl or other child they need to be educated to stop while they are still children. Otherwise they will be a danger to society when they are fully grown. Giving boys a get out of jail card for SEN is ridiculous.