My child is being assaulted

If there’s SEN on both sides then surely the school has some responsibility to keep them apart. Also if the boys are lashing out because of SEN and feeling provoked then I wouldn’t class this as bullying.

Move her. It won’t get better and those boys will get stronger. Similar circumstances- I moved one child but wished I’d done it earlier. The Head used to just say ‘he was dis-regulated’. I made the point quite firmly that the same actions at 10 would be assault and a police matter so I was not impressed with the response.

You have to treat both children as individuals and realise their experience of the same school might be very different. If your eldest is due a move in September anyway you would have been having to manage two different schools anyway.

I always wonder when adults say this whether anyone has slapped them and told them it was their fault for making you angry

So she has to creep around on eggshells, trying to avoid these two boys in what, if this is a typical primary, is a fairly small setting and knowing that if they hit her again she will be blamed?

How about telling the bullies to keep away from the girl ,and to keep their hands to themselves

That was the very first thing I said, if you'll read my comment. That their behaviour is unacceptable, there should be harsh consequences, and they shouldn't be allowed around other students unsupervised. They should be restricted, not the victim. It's the school's job to protect the daughter.

But if – IF – the daughter is VOLUNTARILY approaching the boys when there's no need to, then she needs to be taught to stop. It's not healthy, safe behaviour to repeatedly put yourself into a situation where you'll be hurt.

But OP’s DD might really struggle with this. Especially with ASD etc. She might not even understand what “use clear language” means.

“Going up to” a child is not equivalent to being physically assaulted by them, and if OP’s DD cannot manage staying away from them then surely, SURELY, it’s the schools job to keep them apart?

Except you need evidence of bullying for that and deliberately approaching a child with SEND and engaging in behaviour that causes distress can be seen as bullying itself.

Random thought but how about supporting the professionals who work with children day in and day out and reinforce what they’re saying. Stay away and use clear language. The advice would be the same for girls with SEND and a similar presentation.

I know SEN is mentioned too often and becomes an excuse but what the school says does make it sound like the boys have autism. The ‘use clear language’ is classic.

That said I do not accept that SEN should be used as an excuse for violence, and certainly not misogyny. Start going down the bullying complaint route as pp have suggested.

This!

She should not be approaching them and has no need to.

No-one gets to teach my daughters that they are responsible for managing the behaviour of males. The importance of this goes well beyond this situation and is a life lesson she can take forward into all future dealings with men. Men and boys are responsible for their own behaviour and managing their own behaviour. They should also have consequences. I wouldn't leave this lying down.

That said, of course she should avoid them. That would be a natural thing to do, surely? Who wants to go near someone who bullies them?

Where has the op said her daughter is repeatedly approaching them.
Head teacher said it ,to pass blame from bully to victim
It's a school ,there is going to be times where she is near these boys , moving around school ,going for lunch ,going to the toilet going to playtime ..
It's rediculous and victim blaming to say the the girl she must stay away from the bullies.
How about telling the bullies to keep away from the girl ,and to keep their hands to themselves

That is a very bad school
Very bad head leadership
I most certainly would be moving the youngest daughter to a different school , whilst organising that ,I would refuse to send her in ,unless they can guarantee she is safe
It's the bare minimum, expecting your child to be safe at school ..if they can't do that ,the child can't relax to learn ,so it's pointless sending her in

That's completely unacceptable, and utterly shameful. The boys should be receiving harsh consequences for those sorts of repeated attacks. At the very least, if they're incapable of keeping their hands to themselves, then they need to be prevented from interacting with other students without close supervision. The school's job is to protect your daughter, not blame her.

That said...is she voluntarily approaching them? If so, why on earth is she repeatedly approaching boys who she knows will hurt her? She needs to learn to keep herself safe, and that involves not putting herself in dangerous situations.

What they are saying is that your dd is provoking kids ( probably those who have a sen or experienced trauma) who she knows are unable to cope with teasing without lashing out.
Seen it so many times, some kids revel in winding up a child who they know will react, and when they do, they step back smelling of roses, get alk the sympathy and enjoy all tbe drama! Tale as old as time!

I mean if her motives were pure, she wouldn't be approaching a kid who had hit her several times before!

I’m a school Governor (albeit HS not Primary) and we have policies for Child Protection and Safeguarding, Behaviour and Anti-Bullying, all of which would apply in this case. I would encourage you to get hold of the relevant policies for your DD’s school and familiarise yourself with them - particularly what responsibilities sit with the school in these types of situations and what actions are available for them to take to address the problem and prevent future recurrence.

You may also find the guidance available here useful:

https://anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk/tools-information/advice-and-support/making-complaint-about-bullying

Absolutely do not accept that what the school has done so far is sufficient in dealing with this. Push it all the way.

Still look into changing schools. Your older dd will be done in a few months but younger one will be stuck there for another few years.

Get off your high horse it’s a reasonable question, not victim blaming at all. Common sense sometimes prevails, tell your daughter to stay away from these violent 7 year old thugs, however with your drip feed that she has additional needs might not be as clear cut 😊

No. But a bit of self preservation. You’re not going to remove her. Head teacher sounds useless. All she’s got now is to stay away from them.

They're just teaching her how the Patriarchy works.

Boys can do what they like - especially when it comes to girls - and girls need to learn not to upset boys - ever.

So long as she is a "good girl" she will be "safe".

What kind of victim blaming crazy BS is this??

Victim blaming. again.

Get your DD involved on martial arts. The little fuckers wont touch her again. It worked a treat for my DGC

Wtf is be reporting this to governors. School should be safeguarding your DC, not teaching her to keep away from certain areas to allow boys to bully

Totally unacceptable. I am so sorry.

Violence at school is not acceptable.

I would take this further and move your younger child to another school.