My child is being assaulted

I did think it was a typo, but with some opinions recently wasn’t sure then saw the poster and knew it must be as you’re always rational in other posts!

I think it means that if DD approaches them to engage them in playing a game, as OP has indicated she may have, that's a bad idea.

If two boys were slapping and pushing your daughter, would you advise that she continue to approach them and try to engage them in a game? Or would you tell her that she should stay away? Obviously OP should fervently and insistently push for the school to do more in regards to controlling the boys' behaviour, but in the meantime, her DD's safety is paramount. And DD can't control what the boys do - all she can control is what she does. Which means the only way to keep herself safe until this is resolved, is to stay away.

I mean, sure, you can say she shouldn't have to avoid them for fear of violence, and she shouldn't, of course. But 'shouldn't' isn't going to stop them from being violent little shits, and save her from getting pushed or hit. Pragmatism has to come first.

ETA: If she's in fact not approaching them, and they're positioning themselves in places where she can't avoid them, then the other option of course is for her to wallop them right back, until they're the ones crying. But given it's two against one, and I imagine she may be smaller being a girl, that might not be the best idea.

I’ve just moved my daughter because of a very similar situation. Violence and aggression from two boys towards multiple children in her class. She was cornered and kicked repeatedly by them and told by the TA that she should stay away and instead stay close to her (the TA) for safety. Her playtimes were limited and the boys ran wild. Then her learning was impacted as behaviour in the classroom deteriorated.

We were met with a wall of ‘we can’t discuss other children’ when we complained and were told by her teacher that no child would ever be suspended or excluded because she believed in restorative practice. My response was that I didn’t believe girls should be being taught just to suck up the violence of boys. It’s an awful life lesson.

My advice would be to move schools if possible, and check the behaviour policy of any prospective school before doing so. Ours was laughable whereas the new school had clear, appropriate boundaries and it’s reflected in the way the children behave.

I cant edit this now but obviously I meant we shouldn't expect small children to put up with it!!

Yes sorry obviously I meant we shouldn't expect small children to put up either it!!

And get yourself a criminal record ?
That would be pretty foolish.

Some schools are skilled dealing with it. Not all. Yes, I am a teacher.

We “should expect small children to put up with it”??
is that a typo?

Is it? Why all the threads with constant classroom evaluations due to one child’s violence?

We should expect small children to put uo with it and the school are clearly failing g the Ops daughter by failing to safeguard her
But children are treated differently to adults for very good reasons.

Make an official complaint. I work in a school and deal with behaviour issues frequently. We might give this advice in some situations (to an older child) but we would definitely deal with the perpetrators. Do you know if they have? They might not tell you due to protecting the other families' confidentiality. But they should be dealing with it.

Wha will the police do about two 7 year olds?

This is nonsense.

Get copies of the school's bullying, discipline and safeguarding policies. Ask for an urgent meeting with the head and year head at which the agenda will be going through those policies and asking how they are implementing them. I am prepared to bet the bullying policy doesn't require the victim to keep away from the bullies.

If the head won't deal with it properly take it to the governors. Check whether there is one with specific responsibility for safeguarding and ask for a similar meeting with them.

Take photographs of every bruise and scratch and say that, if the school won't act, you will have to involve the police.

Only contact the school by email. Then you have all the evidence you need. Look up their bullying policy and quote from it. Start asking what action they are taking. I suspect you’re is staying away from them but it isn’t working. If the school can’t keep her safe it’s a safeguarding issue. If the school won’t act I would look at other schools. I would officially complain to the school first. I know a police officer who told me that the police can be contacted over bullying.

never, because their “wellbeing” matters more than the other 28 pupils in the class

I voted that you are being unreasonable.

It is beyond foolish to think that a school will support you. In my experience schools universally support as much violence from boys as they can get away with. All the while (as you are finding out) blaming the victim.

You need to take a two pronged approach:
(a) with the head, get it all in writing. As it currently stands there are different rules for different groups The violent child approaching your child is something she is responsible for managing and her failure to achieve that is her issue and her approaching him is something she will be punished for. That alone tells you the principle in operation
(b) Get your child into self defense or a martial art (with you if possible) ASAP so that she can learn to put that violent little fucker back in his place.

On the face of it v this does sounds awful, but it sounds like there might be more to this bybthecway the teachers have responded. Is your child daughter and others constantly going up to the boy/boys and antagonising them to provoke them, possibly quite a 'fun' game if they know they're volatile...? If that is the case (obviously might not be) that's not ok either...

Having two kids, in my experience the one who lashes out hits/kicks whatever has often been strongly provoked - so often it's 6 of one and half a dozen of the other.

At what point can they be permanently excluded ?

Consider moving schools with your youngest. Could you juggle 2 different schools just for the rest of the year? I was bullied in primary school and the head wouldn’t do anything about it because the bully was a very bright lad and I was not. She said I would never pass my common entrance exams or go to uni. So my parents changed schools and I flourished. I passed my common entrance exams and went to uni.

What ???!!!

What else are the school doing?

You need to look at this from another angle.

What they have said is actually sensible. They're telling your DD to stay away from nasty kids and not to play with them. Kids who are unkind should be shunned until they learn to be kind.

I say the same to my younger two. They don't need to play with someone being unkind. It's a choice and they need to choose the kind people.

And yes, if she approaches them knowing they will get angry then that's not helpful.

The school should hopefully also be doing something else to deal with these anger issues but they will not be at liberty to share that information with you.

I literally had this same conversation with two Y11 boys who keep fighting. The one in my tutor group is very aggressive so another boy has been told to stay away from him as if he approaches him it just winds this other boy up and he will lash out. It's common sense.

On an adult level, you only have to look at the number of posts from women who are in relationships with someone unkind/aggreseive/abusive and the advice is to leave them and stay away.

Follow the complaints procedure all the way up. You'll be ignored, but will be collecting evidence in the process and when you take it to the council and ofsted they wont be able to dismiss your enquiry.
They no doubt decided your DD was part of the problem, failing to see that violence should never be excused. Are you part of a local multi academy trust? There's such a reluctance to exclude because the children are then sent to another of the trust's school. There were less issues when you could make the violent child someone else's problem.

Reading between the headteachers words. If you have ever worked in a school you would probably see it.

Straight away I have 4 boys and 2 girls who spring to mind. Violent, aggressive, torment the playground. But we can’t just keep suspending them. Our hands are tied.

So if you can’t suspend them. Can’t stop their aggressive outbursts. Have to include them with other children because the costs and alternatives are too high. What is the answer? I would protect a vulnerable child by telling them to stay away and attempt to keep an eye on said child. Then inevitably something will happen and I need to deal with that!

Welcome to playtimes at a mainstream school!

Get your partner/the Dad involved. A couple will be listened to more.