one holiday too many?

I’ll use whatever language I see fit to enhance my point.

She’s not whipping. So extreme

I love it when DH takes our children away. It’s nice. We don’t have to operate as one unit. We are not a cult.

Anyway my point all along was

one week with family without husband. One week with husband somewhere new. If family funds allow and if not. Then not.

🤷🏻‍♀️

YABU and seem unwilling to compromise and just want it all your way. There's no way I'd spend 2 weeks nearly every year with my in laws in holiday. 1 week seems fair and then some family time together

This

Go with your kids while your DP is away and the PAY for a family holiday. You both earn well and he's entitled to want a day how you spend your family holidays.

That isnt compromise, thats having it all your own way, Im going to whip the kids away. Like it or not!

She doesnt have the right to do that, and thats not a compromise. They both need to be in agreement.

Not one single person on this thread would support a dad doing that if the mum didnt want it, despite saying they would

The compromise is that they'll have a family holiday together, no one has talked about the kids not going on holiday at all so the 'nice family holiday' isnt about that

And the nice family holiday should include him.

Its not fucked up or weird, dont exaggerate or use extreme language to make your point.

But she doesn't seem to be saying they can't afford a second holiday, She is saying (I think) that using the second week for France too would be a lot cheaper. OP, can you clarify? It will make it easier to advise.

Go for one week without him. That's the compromise.
I totally get why he doesn't want to use annual leave doing a repeat holiday and I completely get that you want the chance to spend some time with your family.

Well I stand corrected and op you cannot force your husband to suck up a holiday he won’t enjoy. His only one?

You mention that cost is a factor. Even with a budget airline, 3 return flights to France in the school holidays will cost a bit which take money away from the pot of money from your family holiday.

But OP has said that cost is an issue so it does appear that going for a week without him means they can't also have a family break together.

So if he wants a holiday, it reads as though he has to either go with his in-laws or miss out completely, because OP can't miss a year or go on her own for a weekend instead.

The boys don't know any different. I'm sure they would also love any other family holiday.

I think 1 week while your DH is working is plenty. Then do another holiday.

You say they are 52 weeks in the year but realistically most people only have 1 holiday which you are trying to dictate.

I think that’s so fucked up and wouldn’t be the type of relationship I would have.

I don’t like it so neither can you.
You can’t see the family and spend hardly anything money wise
im working but stay home with the kids all day and entertain them so i can have 2/3 hours max with them

Maybe i have the wrong end of the stick but I think both must compromise and preventing your spouse from taking your children on a lovely holiday cos you will miss them is bloody weird.

also refusing the one week or even a long weekend because it’s not enough is also unreasonable.

compromise.

Yes, I think alternate years sounds like a good compromise too.

He isnt saying she cant go. Lots of posts claiming this but he hasnt said this
He said he doesnt want the kids to go without him and I would completely feel the same.

She hasnt got the right to take them if he doesnt agree, just like if a mum didnt agree but the dad wanted to take them off to see his family.

Its not like he hasnt compromised, she's had her way for the last few years. They can take a break this year and go back to it next year

But the OP doesn't want to compromise by going for a week, she wants to do two. Surely its also controlling to say either you come on a holiday you don't want to the same rural location with nothing to do and be surrounded by your in-laws or you dont see your children for two weeks.

It’s because the France holiday involves free accommodation. Sister and brother could come to OP sometimes but no, they have to go there because it’s free.
The others make no attempt to go anywhere else because ‘it’s free’.
I don’t think her DH is controlling- I think he’s fed up with the status quo.
the visiting family (who happen to live in a holiday climate) means there are limitations financially on things they do as a nuclear family.
I agree with the OP going one week with her children and then a family holiday for another 1-2 weeks with DH.
in turn, she can visit her family whenever she wants, he’s not stopping her. He just doesn’t want visiting family to become the family vacation.

But he’s at home working AND preventing her from going with the kids. Because he will be lonesome!??

As long as her week without him doesn’t impact their ability to have a week together as a four I really really cannot see the problem.

And yes it is very controlling to say- I don’t want to go and you can’t either. Even though I can stay home. It’s outrageous!

I am not suggesting for a moment he holidays with the in laws.

I do actually agree she should go for the week he's working but I don't think that two weeks of the summer should be taken over by her family while he's either expected to tag along or miss out. That's not fair.

She should go for a week with the kids, then they should all go somewhere different as a four for their family holiday.

I don't see what his problem is. It can't really be that he can't be separated from two kids that age for a week surely. Maybe if he took on a bit more of the childcare responsibilities for the rest of the year he'd appreciate the break.

I think it sounds like an ideal arrangement for you and the kids to catch up with family. If he doesn't want to go then he can stay at home. But trying to stop you all from going is really selfish.

I mean, you can, you can say whatever you want...

Whether your partner agrees or whether it's a dealbreaker or not is another matter.

I missed that bit so ok thats harder, but still doesnt give her the right to dictate the family holiday or to remove the kids for a week without him being there

I wouldnt like that and would expect my partner to compromise if we had holidayed with his family for the past 3 years and I wouldnt want him taking the kids off for a week even if I was working full time.

Why dont the plan a holiday to Canada. Why doesnt the brother holiday in the UK. Unfortunately when people move to other countries it does affect the dynamic and cause logistical arrangements to be made but it has to be shared out.

I don't see why you can't go for a week with the kids to your sister's place and do a different family holiday elsewhere? Why does it have to be either/or?

Yes. She would also have the choice to go or stay home.

You can’t choose to not do something and then say your spouse, who really wants to and has the ability to, can’t either.

For two weeks. One of which he will be working full-time.

This couldn’t be simpler. Go for a week while he’s working. That’s the obvious compromise. Weirdly you seem to suggest you should “dictate and just take the boys away for 2 weeks” and that “I doubt there could be anything in the middle”. Clearly there is something in the middle.

if you just take them for 2 weeks, YABU. If your partner tries to stop you from going with the kids for a week while he’s working, then he is controlling.

You have to fly there (with checked bags) in school holidays. Probably not as cheap as you’re indicating. Does this hinder funds for a holiday your partner would like to do this year for a change? How often does your partner get to see his wider family? Seems to me he’s had enough of this trip.

A week while he’s working just seems such a sensible and logical answer all round.

I think you need to talk about it as visiting relatives and not as a holiday alternative.
Does your DH take an active role in planning and booking family holidays?
Ideally this visit would be as well as a holiday but appreciate that holidays are expensive.
Perhaps you can sit down together with your leave availability and budget to work out a plan that suits you both.