one holiday too many?

Who is considering the children's happiness here?

Jesus, do cousins trump a dad now?

On this site, of course they do

It's already booked 😂😂
They are arguing over the return date.

Read the OPs posts

But she's not considering HIS happiness?
It works both ways in a marriage

I did read your situation. And I am actually similar... my family live 4 hours away, my partners a short flight away. We have both taken our children to see our own families at various points, but not for 2 weeks at a time. I've said a few times that one week is reasonable. Everybody who wants to see the extended family gets to see them, but the kids and parents aren't seperated for two whole weeks with loads of animosity.

“He's said he's fien for them to go for the one week while hes working”

No. He didn’t

Your version of “normal” is narrow and selfish.

Normal in my world is consideration for other people and their happiness.

You have a free holiday with your SIL and then go on for a week with the family somewhere else - they could drive Spain or Italy and do something completely different.

Feel free to read further back where I've actually given my situation here.

But the gist of it is, we live four hours from my family and regularly I take DD to see them and DH stays home, or I go alone, or he's away for training.

We miss each other and DD a lot when these things arise but neither of us would deny the other the relationship with family, and crucially we wouldn't deny DD it.

If your child(ren) wanted to spend time with your family and your husband was saying no because he didn't want to, you'd deny your kids that relationship with their extended family would you? Because putting your partner above the rest of the family is what's unhealthy. And him expecting that is what's unhealthy. Not a week or so apart for something that benefits the majority.

No, only @Alunagets to dictate on this thread.

Would you force your partner to not see their kids for 2 weeks so you could see your family instead? Because that's not normal... that's not a happy healthy relationship.

He's said he's fien for them to go for the one week while hes working. If he were demanding nobody went for a week I'd fund that unreasonable, but he's obviously spent alot of his holidays with her family over the years and of course he'd miss his kids for 2 weeks.

I think one week is more than reasonable.

You're the authority on normal, are you?

Some of my family I would be happy to never see again. Some, two weeks a year isn't enough. I miss them a ridiculous amount.

You don't get to dictate what's enough for anyone to see their family.

Ask yourself if the extra week is really worth the resentment and annoyance it's going to cause in your marriage over the course of this year.

Or she could be happy with a week seeing her family like any normal person would

Honestly, I don't get on with all of them, but I'd put up with my in laws for a week for a £40 flight, free accommodation and a weeks holiday with my kids. Annually, especially if we had the leave and money to do a holiday just us as well.

Doesn't matter how I feel about my BILs and SILs, unless the relationship with them would harm DD I wouldn't deny her it if she wanted it or make DH miss out on the only two weeks he saw them.

cant you just go for the one week whilst he works.

If you didn’t get along with your in laws and your OH said they were taking them for 2 weeks regardless (or you could come for 1 week with people you don’t like but have tolerated on holiday for the past 3 years), how would you feel about your OH proceeding to take them away for 2 weeks without you?

One thing I’m sceptical of is that the partner would miss the children for even a week, so much so that he doesn’t want them to go. 2 weeks is more understandable.

One thing the OP mentions is that her partners family live 200 miles away. Do you live near your parents by any chance? It may be that he has a growing resentment at being distant from his family and then spending and then also spending holiday time with your family.

I think you need to establish the root cause of his reticence on this trip. It doesn’t sound like he has a history of controlling behaviour, so suspect there is something else irking him.

Personally, I get on well with my in laws. I wouldn’t fancy 2 weeks with them, but would gladly fly out for week 2 and have a nice time. But not everyone gets on with their in laws and not everyone is happy to be away from their kids for 2 weeks.

She's not DEMANDING he doesn't see them for two weeks. She's requesting they ALL go on holiday, to do something the kids enjoy and benefit from. He has the choice to join them when he finishes work.

If he chooses not to go, that's up to him but HE will be the one choosing not to see them for the extra week OR denying them time that they want with their cousins having fun.

At least you get a week with your family if nothing else.

DH doesn't like it when he's not with DD and I, but we live 4 hours from my whole family and it's not always feasible for all of us to go (dog and other animals, parents have a dog who doesn't like other dogs, hotels/Airbnb/pet sitters/kennels all cost money). So regularly he'll stay home and DD and I go. Wouldn't be fair to deny DD a good relationship with half her family.

Equally, he has a fair amount of training for his job that's only delivered at certain sites in the country. He has to go, and we can't just pause life waiting for him to get back so sometimes he misses some family fun.

And then sometimes I have to go see family on my own (illness, etc) because it's not appropriate or feasible to take DD for those things, she's only 4. DH will do fun stuff with her to keep her busy and not missing me too much, and I obviously miss that.

As much as we'd both like every fun moment to be all of us as a family together, it's not always possible. Life isn't just straightforward and easy.

He needs to understand that. It's not about him, it's about them and what's best for them.

Do you really want to stay married to such a selfish man?

They have 6 weeks of school holiday and could be having fun. Instead they have to stay at home so he can see them briefly when he gets in from work.

unbelievably selfish and controlling.

I thought you were on your holidays?

How can you use the word entitlement with a straight face about a man who feels entitled to do nothing in the home. Then entitled to deprive his kids of for his own selfish needs?

Settle 😂
Or demand he doesn't see his kids for 2 weeks?

Honestly... this should be on a divorce thread

The entitlement is unreal

I don’t think the DH is denying them their free holiday. He just wants it to be one week rather than two because he doesn’t want to go and doesn’t want to be away from his family for a fortnight.
Who does what is a separate conversation to have, but I think a week is a reasonable compromise.