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AIBU?

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Original poster

one holiday too many?

317 replies

robbys82 · 13/02/2026 21:57

Quite a long one here. I'll try to be succinct.
am I unreasonable to try to have the same summer holiday with my brother/sister again? sister has a summer villa in France that we can visit for no cost. ⁹and I want to go again this summer but partner does not.

we went last summer, and 3 and 4 years before. I accept it's repetitive, and also in a very quiet area of France, but it's also really cheap, has a pool, and our 2 boys (6 and 8) love the time with their cousins ( and want to go again). it's for 2 weeks. but partner will be working for 1. so I suggest they join us for the 2nd week only .

For context, my partner and I both get decent summer holidays and wage. but I am part time (3 days a week compared to 5) . partner earns approx double (25 Vs 50). I do absolutely all the house care and child care. but I want to see my family in the summer (brother lives in Canada and this is the time he can visit each year and sister lives away and is usually working).

dh says he doesn't want to spend so long away from our boys and doesn't want to go again to France. but I'd argue that he will be working anyway for 1 week in uk (and it's only 8 days that he would have to be there in France afterwards). I should also say that there is a 4 week gap beforehand when we are both off work ( and the school holidays for the kids) where I would be willing to go along with any other holiday plans whatsoever.

am I being unreasonable to go ahead and book flights? ultimately, can I insist on 14 days that I dictate in the year and just take the boys away? or should I take a year off from seeing my brother and stay at home wishing we were there, while my partner works each day? I doubt there could be anything in the middle

OP posts:
Winederlust · 13/02/2026 22:32

Pippa99999 · 13/02/2026 22:16

As a compromise why don’t you just go for a week with the boys while your partner is working? Then go somewhere else as a family. I’d guess your husband might not want to spend his holidays with your wider family.

Yes, this seems like the most obvious and logical solution.

Original poster
robbys82 · 13/02/2026 22:26

actually I reckon I'd manage fine, the peace and quiet would be welcome. and I think it would be very illuminating for them to manage the day to day ( feeding, dressing, cleaning) for 2 whole weeks, considering that I've always done all of this for the last 8 years

OP posts:
likelysuspect · 13/02/2026 22:25

ChalkOrCheese · 13/02/2026 22:16

Youve tried meetingnin the middle and no compromise from him so tell him you're going out there and offering to take the kids. He can join, stay home with the kids or let the kids go with you. He chooses. You still go away.

Meeting in the middle means coming to a compromise about where to go, somewhere they both want to go. This isnt it.

Original poster
robbys82 · 13/02/2026 22:25

in response to the " how would you feel" post, actually I reckon I'd manage fine, the peace and quiet would be welcome. and I think it would be very illuminating for them to manage the day to day ( feeding, dressing, cleaning) for 2 whole weeks, considering that I've always done all of this for the last 8 years.

OP posts:
SaltyTea · 13/02/2026 22:23

Can you not suggest to your brother and sister that you try somewhere else one year?

Brideofclover · 13/02/2026 22:20

Pippa99999 · 13/02/2026 22:16

As a compromise why don’t you just go for a week with the boys while your partner is working? Then go somewhere else as a family. I’d guess your husband might not want to spend his holidays with your wider family.

I was about to suggest the same thing 👍

Isthateveryonethen · 13/02/2026 22:20

LVhandbagsatdawn · 13/02/2026 22:17

The answer is simple - you go and see your brother and sister in France with your children for the week while your H is working.

When your H is off work you can do a different holiday.

Everybody wins.

I would do this too.

how would you feel if your dh took the kids away for 2 whole weeks? Pretty sure you would not be happy with that

likelysuspect · 13/02/2026 22:19

I though the whole point is he didnt want to be separated from hs children that long?

Working isnt the point because if they were at home he would see them mornings and evenings.

Isthateveryonethen · 13/02/2026 22:18

I would be very irritated to waste a weeks worth of leave on a holiday that’s not really a holiday. The place sounds very boring and remote and not really something i would want to waste my leave on. I certainly would not be doing this every year as well. Why can’t you go just for the one week?
or for 10 days and he joins just for 2/3 days. It’s also a bit wrong imo to take the kids away for 2 weeks from their parent if the parent isn’t happy about it.

WhoamItoday11 · 13/02/2026 22:18

I take my kids to visit my family while my husband stays home to work and look after the dog. It works for all of us. He's happy because he is not that interested in seeing my family, I'm happy because I get to see my family and a cheap holiday staying with them. My kids are happy-ish to get a holiday but as they are now teens so becoming less interested. I usually throw in a couple of days at a hotel or caravan park at a holiday town to make it more interesting for all of us.

Maybe just got for 9 or 10 days while your husband is working. Ingore his BS about not wanting to be away from the kids for that long. That's no time in the big scheme of things. If you can spare the leave time and still have a family holiday with him, I don't see the problem.

LVhandbagsatdawn · 13/02/2026 22:17

The answer is simple - you go and see your brother and sister in France with your children for the week while your H is working.

When your H is off work you can do a different holiday.

Everybody wins.

Pippa99999 · 13/02/2026 22:16

As a compromise why don’t you just go for a week with the boys while your partner is working? Then go somewhere else as a family. I’d guess your husband might not want to spend his holidays with your wider family.

ChalkOrCheese · 13/02/2026 22:16

Youve tried meetingnin the middle and no compromise from him so tell him you're going out there and offering to take the kids. He can join, stay home with the kids or let the kids go with you. He chooses. You still go away.

Original poster
robbys82 · 13/02/2026 22:15

not quite 4 years in a row, but I do take your point. but there are 52 weeks in a year. is it unreasonable to insist on 2 how I want and the kids so as well? Im sure I could accept the same each year in return

OP posts:
Original poster
robbys82 · 13/02/2026 22:11

thank you for your comment. I would be willing to go along with their holiday plans beforehand

OP posts:
likelysuspect · 13/02/2026 22:11

I think its pretty selfish to want the same holiday 4 years in a row which is your preference and not take his preference into consideration. Go next year.

flossydog · 13/02/2026 22:07

I don't think you're being unreasonable considering it's nice, it's free to stay and you can see family at the same time. As you'll be saving money going there, could you also take a second holiday this year somewhere more to his liking?

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