I have a friend I've known over 10 years. She has a 23 year old DD who is her only child.
Her DD is very clever and has done well academically - good degree and MA. She is now living back with her parents.
I have always strongly differed from my friend in my view of students working. I always worked during sixth form and university, albeit part time, and my parents wouldn’t have entertained anything else. My friend has worked full time since being a teenager.
Since my friend’s DD turned 16 there were always mutterings about how her DD was going to get a part time job, but she never did. Then she went away to university and was always going to get a job, and then it became a holiday job because DD was too busy to get one during term time. My friend paid DD’s bills during this time plus spending money.
I always thought it was doing her DD no favours to have her go into the world of work at 21 with no work experience whatsoever but it’s not my business.
DD then went on to do her MA, with bills and spending again covered by friend.
DD is now home and working one or two shifts a week at a local pub (this took six months from completion of the MA).
My friend is in constant despair about the situation, and worries her DD’s degree will be wasted because she won’t apply for graduate schemes and there’s obviously a new cohort each year, won’t apply for any jobs at all really and she doesn’t know what to do. Friend has even mentioned that she was going to speak to her own contacts to try and get DD a job. She has suggested many opportunities but her DD won’t apply. I have been sympathetic and suggested DD may be suffering a lack of confidence or maybe is applying but doesn’t want to discuss it with her mother.
I met my friend last month and she was again lamenting how her DD was wasting her education.
I asked how her DD was living, and how was she affording nights out and meals, trips away on just a couple of nights working in a pub?
My friend is giving her DD £850 a month.
I said that this is the clear reason why her DD did not have a job. I told my friend to stop, and my friend seemed shocked and said she’d speak to her husband about whether they should reduce the amount. I met her for lunch today and they haven’t reduced it - they want DD to be comfortable and they have the money.
AIBU to tell friend the next time she mentions it that it’s perfectly clear why her DD has no intention of getting a job, that she isn’t doing her any favours and I don’t want to discuss it any more because there is no mystery?