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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Let me spell this out very clearly for the hard of thinking

360 replies

KillTheTurkey · 13/02/2026 16:34

Men commit 99% of all rapes and sexual assaults.

Men (and young men) commit 95-98% of school shootings.

Men commit 90% of all violent crime in the UK.

These are not female crimes, and should never, ever be reported - or recorded - as such. It can safely be assumed in any of the above circumstances that a male person was the perpetrator.

OP posts:
vitahelp · 13/02/2026 19:33

It’s true though isn’t it, if a perpetrator hasn’t been named yet you can always safely assume it is a man. You might be wrong once in a while but that’s a rarity.

Cheese55 · 13/02/2026 19:30

UnemployedNotRetired · 13/02/2026 19:06

Baby murders (under 1 year) are committed by women more often than men. And for about 1/3 of the under-5s, last I checked.

Edited

Women who murder babies (under 1 year) are often experiencing post partum psychosis

dreichluver · 13/02/2026 19:29

We been knew. However it's always worth repeating for the terminally stupid.

I Know Lol GIF by HBO Max
QuietPiggy · 13/02/2026 19:28

Pineneedlesincarpet · 13/02/2026 17:27

But you can only commit the legal definition of rape if you have a penis. So 100% of rapes are committed by men not 98%. What's the other 2%?

A woman can be charged with rape if she assists or encourages a man to commit rape, for example by holding the victim down or by egging on the man and filming the rape, or by luring the woman to an isolated spot in order for the man to rape her.

cranberryhaddock · 13/02/2026 19:26

I'm calling TAAT here.

Tarkadaaaahling · 13/02/2026 19:25

ThejoyofNC · 13/02/2026 16:44

Maybe we should fill the women's prisons with men then? Seeing as they're just sat there empty.

In the UK women represent just 4% of the prison population. Men are the other 96%.

There aren't nearly as many places in prisons for women because we don't need them, because vastly fewer women are committing the sort of crimes you are jailed for in the UK 👌

TheWalkingEyebag · 13/02/2026 19:24

KillTheTurkey · 13/02/2026 17:57

AIBU is an interesting place! The discussion has been robust, as expected. A couple of clarifications:

  1. I posted this in response to this week’s school shooting, where the perpetrator was initially presumed female by reports. My immediate presumption was that it would be a man or young man.
  2. Why was it reported this way, when we know that such crimes are not committed by women and girls?
  3. Might we now see a backlash against crimes committed by men being wrongly attributed to women?

Presumed female was reported in the emergency alert due to witness reports: female in a dress with brown hair. But please, this is not the time to start using this unimaginably tragic event as a new statistic to fuel arguments about which demographic causes the most harm.

tartyflette · 13/02/2026 19:18

springawakeningss · 13/02/2026 18:50

They are the minority, but it can't be claimed "these are not women crimes" because that's untrue

How many women have been imprisoned, executed (or died by suicide in the same event) for committing mass shootings?
It's overwhelmingly a 'male' crime, i.e. a crime committed by males.
Clearly women can and do kill, the victims tend to be members of their own families. So-called 'spree' shooters such as this, are nearly all male, as are serial killers. There are very, very few women serial killers or spree shooters,
And yes, Rose West and Myra Hindley -- we know their names precisely because they are so very rare.

sunshinestar1986 · 13/02/2026 19:17

KillTheTurkey · 13/02/2026 16:34

Men commit 99% of all rapes and sexual assaults.

Men (and young men) commit 95-98% of school shootings.

Men commit 90% of all violent crime in the UK.

These are not female crimes, and should never, ever be reported - or recorded - as such. It can safely be assumed in any of the above circumstances that a male person was the perpetrator.

Agree
What can we do about it 🤔
Most people in power are men.
And they are the worst.

One thing we can do about it i think, is make sure our son's are doing chores in the house, taking responsibility,and accountability from an early age.

Not letting them get away with things because they smiled sweetly and said sorry.
And getting boys active.
Inactive boys become aggressive and get up to all sorts.
I think they need a sense of belonging quite early, I recommend martial arts.
Do not give boys access to smart phones or PlayStations. If they have access to the Internet and games then they need to be supervised at all times.
let's make corn a taboo and ban it.

If a boy becomes aggressive, get help early.
Do not wait until he does damage saying but he's only 12.

l know all this applies to girls too but it feels like boys need things spelled out for them, they need to be taught empathy and sympathy, like girls they should be taught pro social behaviours.

No need for women to come up saying my son is an angel please
No one is an angel.

Anything else?
I have a 3 year old son and what I see in the world scares me.

Pineneedlesincarpet · 13/02/2026 19:17

Plasticdreams · 13/02/2026 19:14

Immigration figures, tax and spending promises being totally unrealistic, Brexit related claims, net zero. They’re total retards and so are the people who vote for them.

Your response is comprehensive, intelligent, objective and reasonably worded, using facts and statistics to back up your arguements. It's very persuasive. Particularly the word "retard" which doesn't reflect on you at all.

Plasticdreams · 13/02/2026 19:14

Pineneedlesincarpet · 13/02/2026 18:09

Its a yougov and statista poll (which I have not heard of so cannot vouch for accuracy).

Theres nothing "obvious" about a vote for Reform requiring that you don't understand facts, statistics or evidence. That's just your assumption and you know what they say happens to people who assume....

What facts statistics and evidence do you assume that you are required to have an inability to understand, as a Reform voter?

Immigration figures, tax and spending promises being totally unrealistic, Brexit related claims, net zero. They’re total retards and so are the people who vote for them.

OneWildBiscuit · 13/02/2026 19:09

OneWildBiscuit · 13/02/2026 19:08

Grasping at rather pedantic straws with this.

Soz...this wasn't meant to be under your comment, but can't seem to delete it!

RichardOnslowRoper · 13/02/2026 19:08

Isawhimstandingthere · 13/02/2026 19:07

The mumsnet jury has already exonerated Lucy letby just let her out already, poor rose west was just going along with that nasty man why is she in prison.

Can you show me where anyone has said RW or LL should be released?

OneWildBiscuit · 13/02/2026 19:08

Changedname9999 · 13/02/2026 17:10

immediately in the aftermath people were warned to lock their doors against ‘a woman in a dress’. That person was still being described that way by news organisations a day later.

Grasping at rather pedantic straws with this.

Isawhimstandingthere · 13/02/2026 19:07

The mumsnet jury has already exonerated Lucy letby just let her out already, poor rose west was just going along with that nasty man why is she in prison.

UnemployedNotRetired · 13/02/2026 19:06

Baby murders (under 1 year) are committed by women more often than men. And for about 1/3 of the under-5s, last I checked.

RichardOnslowRoper · 13/02/2026 19:06

It's all so hypocritical.
I know for a fact that any woman here walking down a dark alley alone would much rather ask a woman for help than a man.
But they just keep boring on about Myra Hindley.

CurlewKate · 13/02/2026 19:03

FindingMeno · 13/02/2026 18:58

Why the fuck is it that when a fact is stated about men, some people have to scrat about throwing in a few outlier women just to challenge that fact?
How are we ever going to do something about this serious and deeply concerning threat that women face if we prefer to live in la la land?
With the terrifyingly low conviction rates for rape, the many cases of police officers involved in criminal offences against women, and this lack of acknowledgement that there is even a problem, I despair.

It’s the patriarchy, innit? Also internalised misogyny.

Franjipanl8r · 13/02/2026 19:00

TallulahBetty · 13/02/2026 16:35

Crumb of context for the poor, m'lud?

🤣🤣🤣

FindingMeno · 13/02/2026 18:58

Why the fuck is it that when a fact is stated about men, some people have to scrat about throwing in a few outlier women just to challenge that fact?
How are we ever going to do something about this serious and deeply concerning threat that women face if we prefer to live in la la land?
With the terrifyingly low conviction rates for rape, the many cases of police officers involved in criminal offences against women, and this lack of acknowledgement that there is even a problem, I despair.

RafaFan · 13/02/2026 18:50

LandOfFruitAndNut · 13/02/2026 16:46

I hear what you say but have zero clue why you are saying it

Horrific school shooting in rural British Columbia, Canada (8 dead, 25 injured). Perpetrator was 18 year old biological male who started transitioning to female at age of 12. Widely reported in the media that the shooter was a woman.

springawakeningss · 13/02/2026 18:50

TheMorgenmuffel · 13/02/2026 18:31

The fact is they are the minority.
That fact does not mean the crime itself is less awful and the victims less important.

They are the minority, but it can't be claimed "these are not women crimes" because that's untrue

Imdunfer · 13/02/2026 18:43

Pineneedlesincarpet · 13/02/2026 18:37

That is sad but I think true. What's changed in women as the level of male violence has always been this way? The fact that men can now enter women's only spaces?

Women have woken up to the fact they don't have to tolerate this shit any more.

We can also see dreadful stuff coming down the line with social media, porn, cultures in our own cities which routinely deny basic human rights to women, MtF anti female aggression (thankfully now under attack on all sides), and we dropped the social construct that the principal value of a woman is to continue the human race.

The party is over for violent men, but it's never going to end completely and the decline is going to be slower than we would want.

persephonia · 13/02/2026 18:42

4ad4ever · 13/02/2026 18:15

I get what you’re saying but I think there’s often a naivety in some circles (middle class people, on here) about how capable women are of physical violence.
When I was younger I was unfortunately in and out of the local psychiatric unit where there was a lot of crossover between patients from there and the women’s prison.
I met women who had done things such as:
breaking another woman’s jaw in a chip shop for skipping her in the queue
hopping on a girl in the street and beating her up including breaking her eye socket
slashing someone’s face open with a Stanley blade
and these were minimum security in both institutions. They knew exactly what they were doing as well, they were not mentally ill like the rest of us. They’re homeless and bounce between institutions. My heart went out to them but they were fucking terrifying to be around.
Absolutely nothing in comparison with what men get up to though.
The head of that women’s prison got some flak one time because they hired some entertainers in there for a special occasion, sort of male strippers but only mildly raunchy. When people went predictably bananas about it being inappropriate and how the women are there to be punished, he basically said Listen, these women have had shit lives, nearly every one of them has been the victim of far more crimes than they’ve committed by a long, long straw and they deserve a bit of happiness in their lives even if it’s only for fifty minutes!

Women in more violent societies or communities tend to be more violent. But there levels of violence always track well below the levels of violence exhibited by men. It's not just nature that affects how someone will behave, nurture does as well. But even accounting for nurture there's a difference.

wordler · 13/02/2026 18:41

Dollymylove · 13/02/2026 17:54

Im not quite getting the point of this post. Nobody is disputing that men commit the majority of violent crimes. We dont need lecturing by Nanny.
Women can and do commit violent crimes but whenever someone points that out, there comes a barrage of "yes but....."
It sometimes seems that some people wish to minimise the acts of violence by women, just to prove their point 😡

The point is that there are crimes being reported as though a woman committed them when it was actually a male person identifying as a woman.

In Canada some of the news outlets are still talking about the recent shooter using her and she pronouns.

My DH had only vaguely heard about the shooting from a radio report and fully assumed the shooter was a woman.