To end relationship over this?

You are emotional, and that is probably leading to the overreaction. If he was just hanging at his parents, yes I could understand your point of view, but medical appointments are important and not always easy or able to be rearranged. I understand your devastation (I have lost pets as well), but I think this was a over reaction based on past grievances and grief.

In your opinion right? And we don’t all have to think like you. I personally don’t think wanting to be there for your parents is an awful thing.

The bigger issue is not the cat, it’s the fact she feels second best to his parents constantly.

Nobody demanded others "falling apart". Being there for someone you care about at a time of need is pretty much a given that any decent partner, friend, or even acquaintance would do. Another (capable and not infirm) adult's routine dentist appointment is a woefully silly excuse.

I’m in my late 60s, still work, and I certainly don’t need anyone to take me to the dentist. If his parents are healthy and could’ve got a cab or other transport then he should have been with you.

As a massive cat lover myself, I completely understand how you're feeling and I'm so sorry for your loss. It really is a big difference between losing a young, seemingly healthy cat versus euthanasia of an elderly animal. It's a huge shock because you've had no time for goodbyes, so you have shock on top of grief.

Your parter is, unfortunately, a Mama's boy. I'm not trying to be rude by calling him that, but it's the truth. I have an elderly mother (Dad passed three years ago) so I understand responsibilities when it comes to caring for her. But my mother understands that my brother and I also have lives and, outside of emergencies, doesn't expect us to drop everything to be with her.

Your partner's parents are being completely manipulative and unreasonable. And he needs to get his balls out of his mother's purse and stand up to them. If he REALLY wants to be with you, he'll find it in himself to push back on their ridiculous manipulation and start behaving like an adult himself.

As an animal lover, losing a pet can be as traumatic as losing a person. I absolutely get where you're coming from. You ask absolutely nothing of your partner (from what you've told us) and when you obviously needed him, he still gave you nothing. I was married to a man like this - not once did I ever come first in his life. It's not worth being with someone like that. It's called a "partnership" for a reason.

Again, I'm so sorry about about your little kitty.

OP you sound like a caring and loving person. I think you deserve better than the crumbs this man throws you. Please raise your bar and assert yourself. X

Darling my deepest condolences for your loss. It brought me back memories of a similar loss of my little pet and I totally relate that more than ever you'd want your partner with you in that very moment.

We have two issues here, you don't feel prioritised, and the second is related to this episode.

Like most, I agree and think he couldn't leave doctors appointments behind.

However how he reacted to your grief is very important.
Did he make you feel supported and understood or he was annoyed?

How he reacts when he cannot help you I think makes the difference between a bad moment and a relationship problem.

Also parents are important as long as your other half always makes you feel that you don't come second. If it's a recurring issue you need to carefully examine if he's really fulfilling your ideal of relationship and discuss it with him to make sure he's on the same page in terms of a couple should work.

Don't feel guilty to ask because it's your life and you deserve to have a relationship matching your ideals, not what other people think it's reasonable.

We are all different and what matters to you might not be the same for another, so i believe that it's up to you to decide when it's too much.

As per this episode I think you have been a little too emotional but I totally empathise with your loss. What matters is if he made you feel he was sorry not to be there.

A cheap and nasty bracelet isn’t going to change his behaviour. A note isn’t there for you.

Regardless of what it was, you are better off without him. You barely had a relationship and a man child needing to be home to mummy at 8:30pm is pathetic.

I’m sorry your cat died.

I think you’ve massively over reacted with your boyfriend though.

You aren’t unreasonable to end the relationship for any reason. He can’t make you the centre of his universe because he has aging parents he’s very kindly taking care of. I would personally think less of him if he wasn’t.

Your beloved cat is not more important that his living parents. It’s sad for you - not for him.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. Having just ended my relationship of 14 years..do it now before you get further in. In hindsight there were always red flags for me but I chose to ignore them. It isn't just this one incident thats the problem, it's the bigger picture of what it symbolises for you.

I potentially don't think you're being unreasonable, if the parent could have taken a taxi to the dentist, for example. I would also be concerned as he appears to have a history of not being supportive. I am very sorry about your cat. Pets are part of the family and you must be devastated xx

Im so sorry for the shock of finding your wee cat dead. Im a cat lover my self. However im afraid this comes with a caveat. Parents before cats! It is your cat. It's his parents. Eventually you can choose to have another cat. Your partner only has one set of parents.
Look at it this way. If he was the type of man who could neglect his parents ,then ultimately he could do likewise to you. I think you have made a mistake ending things. However its your choice to make!

Doesn't spend the night, has a half eight curfew and can only see you for two hours at a time a few evenings during the week? He sounds married to be honest. All this running around for medical appointments and supermarket runs, does he work?

I don't think this man wants a relationship OP, and whether or not you were overreacting to end the relationship because of your pet, you are better off out of it. I'm sorry about your cat, I hope you and your DC are okay.

I agree. That’s why I don’t understand the consensus here that she has over reacted. He literally gives her
nothng ever and prioritises perfectly capable adults over this partner. She absolutely has done the right thing in ending it as far as I’m concerned!!!

Your reasoning makes sense though... what's the OPs partners reasoning? She us the one eith kids to look out for, not him.

He runs off home because he doesn't want an earful from mummy! He won't spend weekends with the OP, because he spends it with his parents.

I'd completely agree with you if the OP said he hadn't spent a night at her wishes but that isn't the case.

I am married to a man with a child and although easier as my stepson goes between 2 homes equally so we always had some nights together, I understand that where kids are involved relationships and especially initial dating is just different. A lot of my weekends were spent at softplay while my friends were off on romantic hotel.stays with their significant others.

The impression I get from the OPs partners actions are that he just wants a companion every now and then.... and I think she wants and deserves more.

i would end it. Sounds bad but if he couldn’t support me over this then I wouldn’t want him. Not just a cat 😢

What you and your now dp decided to do is a bit different from a grown man who has a curfew of 830 and isn’t allowed to go on sleepovers.

Stranded?!
This thread is absolutely batshit 😂🙈

My partner and I saw each other for one evening a week, sometimes less for many years. I was a single parent with no support network nearby. He also rarely if ever spent the night because I didn’t want my child meeting him to begin with.
we have now been together for 14 years, we own a house together and have added 2 more children to our family. We are life partners.
just because you don’t understand a relationship doesn’t mean it’s less of a relationship than yours.

I have put that you are bu regarding the cat/dentist incident but the 8.30 curfew and not staying over when he wants to would be enough to end the relationship, the relationship is too dominated by his parents

His parents aren’t frail, they are early 60s. The amount they rely on their son is ridiculous.

I think your partner was right to prioritise his parents over your cat. If you can't see this it's probably better for you both that you call it a day.

No, if my pet dropped dead I wouldn't expect my husband to leave his parent stranded for a pre planned dental or hospital trip.

Our pets are joint pet though so I'd expect him to help with practical plans or at least to chat the practicalities through.

My cat died who I had before we moved in together and I definitely expected sympathy which I got but not to drop everything

And to some of us it’s just a cat. Different perspectives are fine, we are allowed to think differently.