To end relationship over this?

No, she didn’t meed him more. Emotionally, maybe, and I’d want compassion, but I terms of what he was doing - he was helping parents with time critical transport as opposed to taking a cat to the crem which can easily happen later or tomorrow.

Had it been because he was going to the pub or the gym I’d have taken ill view and expected him to cancel, but in this situation I think it was a lose lose for him.

Agree. I do think you’re being unreasonable here.

I am so sorry about your cat 💐💐

You put animals before people but you can't accept that some people put people before animals. Yet you expect him to prioritise you ( a person) but you have to be the only person he prioritises. Leave the man alone and find someone that will pander to you.

I'm a huge animal lover too, OP, and if DH didn't come home to support me if one of our animals died suddenly to help someone else out, he'd be out the door. You needed him more than his parents did at that moment.

I can see both sides as I totally understand that your partner not being around during a difficult time can make you feel very alone. However, he had pre-existing plans in the form of medical/dental appointments he’d agreed to help his parents with so I do think you’ve been rash and overreacted due to heightened emotion. Had it been because he was going to the pub or the gym I’d have taken ill view and expected him to cancel, but in this situation I think it was a lose lose for him.

It's your perogative to end the relationship if you don't feel prioritised.

You absolutely are being unreasonable in this scenario. He was taking his parents to pre-booked medical and dental appointments... not out for a coffee. That's not pandering to them.... that's him being a kind son. Waiting until he came home probably wouldn't have caused you or your cat any additional issues. It's obviously a sad situation, but it doesn't warrant the reaction of dumping him IMO.

However, if you think you need that level of attention, then that's what you want from a relationship so I'm not sure this would ever work out so probably best ending it now for both your sakes.

Condolences on your cat but gently you are being really unreasonable.
You can’t just arrange dentist appointments, I know mine is booked up 4-6 months in advance.
I’m a massive animal lover, worked in the animal care industry and have many pets of my own.
I have been in your exact shoes with 2 cats that had been involved in RTA’s in my adult life and they had somehow made it home.
Both times I was on my own and I picked them up, wrapped them in a towel and popped them in their cat carrier to transport them to the pet crematorium when I was calmer.
I rang my DH both times, the first time we hadn’t been together that long as I was upset but I didn’t ask he leave work or drop what he was doing. He came with me both times to drop them off when it was convenient for us both to take them.
I think once the shock has worn off you will probably see that you couldn’t expect him to refuse to take his parent to a pre arranged dental check.
Only you know if being with someone who helps their parents so much is going to be too much for you, and if it is it’s best to end it now.

So sorry for your loss and having lost a cat I know how devastating this is (mine was euthanised) however I do think you are being unreasonable expecting him to cancel taking his parents to their appointment. and were hasty in finishing with him. If you feel able to I’d have a conversation with him exactly how you feel and how it goes.

Sorry about your cat OP

I think yabu about expecting him to drop everything. Has he otherwise been supportive and empathetic?

You all sound unreasonable tbh… is this a taking time of work for all of this?

It's okay ro end things because you don't feel like the priority.
I'm so sorry about your cat.

It sounds as though you feel generally that he doesn’t prioritise you, and that this is unlikely to change due to his relationship with his parents. It’s fine to end a relationship where there’s something that’s making you unhappy where that something is unlikely to change.

I wouldn’t expect somebody, even a partner, to cancel arrangements they’d already agreed with somebody to take them to booked medical or dental appointment and leave them in the lurch, though.

I’m so sorry about your cat. I’m also a huge cat lover and appreciate how devastating it is when they die.

I still think YABU. Perhaps give it a bit of time and look on it again. His parents will have been depending upon him and if it’s an NHS dentist, they might not have got another appointment for cancelling or not attending and needed to find another practice instead. I have a private dentist and they would have charged me for the cancelled appointment with that little notice. Realistically, you could have taken your cat to the crematorium a little later in the day.

I'm so sorry about your cat, its so difficult to lose a much loved pet 💐

On this issue alone I think you acted in haste. There was no urgency to get your cat to the crem, and he had appointments all day, which aren't easy to rearrange.

It sounds like it's part of a pattern though, so, although yabu about this, it probably feels like the final straw to you, which is completely understandable.

Yes, sorry, I think you were being unreasonable. Dentist appointments actually aren’t that easy to rearrange and you didn’t need to make your journey with any urgency.

Sorry about your cat, though 💐

Horrible situation for you but you over reacted. I can't be honest here because MN will ban me. Maybe sit down and have an adult conversation with him.