To end relationship over this?

I’m so sorry for your loss. I have pets so I know what it’s like to lose one. You will be very upset and you needed your partner.

Without knowing more details about his parents, it’s difficult to comment. Are they frail and unable to manage appointments? Do they drive? Do they have bus passes? Can they afford a taxi? Answers to these questions will inform us about whether they are ‘using’ the goodwill of your partner, a bit too much.

Couldn’t he arrange a taxi for his parents dentist appointment? You needed emotional support, I’d be annoyed that he didn’t even consider being there for you.

I am so sorry about the loss of your cat. My condolences.

I think you were a little unreasonable in this instance, however, I do think that this sort of thing is going to happen over and over again because if he is enmeshed with his parents, then that won't go away. So it might be seen as a good thing that the passing of your cat spurred you into ending things rather than letting them drag on for another few years while you got more and more irritated with his desire to always put his parents first.

On this occasion I don't think he could have done anything differently, but variations of this situation are going to happen over again and you know where his real affections (or rather, his sense of obligation) lie.

@Pandolly I'm sorry to say this but cant you see this is the same situation - you had training at work which you weren't able to cancel to take your cat to the crem and your partner had commitments he couldn't cancel to take the cat to the crem.

The hardest thing about a pets death is that everything keeps on going, you can't cancel or change things which you would be able to do had it been a person who died.

If this is the final straw for you then that is different, but if you're feeling sad and low because of this particular incident then please give yourself time to think things through before acting in a way you may regret.

OP, it’s irrelevant that it was your cat. What is relevant is that you needed him and he didn’t respond. Some on here won’t understand or will think “it’s just a cat”. It’s not it’s symbolic. You aren’t suited. Cast him back.

my deepest sympathies on the passing of your cat.

Yes, I agree. I put people way ahead of animals. I'm an animal liker, not an animal lover.

Is this a wind up post?! You ended a relationship because he wouldn't cancel a pre-arranged appointment for his elderly parent?!

Without further information, you sound line you're not emotionally ready for an adult relationship. You sound incredibly hard work.

Hey OP, I am also ND and a massive cat lover. My cats are everything to me. I know how you feel when you say you form closer bonds with them than other people, me too. I am so so sorry, I can imagine the heartbreak. I have lost them too soon in the past...

Very gently, you are over reacting in this one instance. I can absolutely feel why, not judgement on that from me. I'd be destroyed too. I would be the furthest thing from rational too.

Dentists appointments can be rearranged, but they were set to go today. They had their day planned. I think it's OK they still went. (also I'd hate to rearrange my dentist appointment last minute, personally, it's awful and takes me a lot to go so.. Possible maybe but not always a good idea for everyone).

But. But but but. It seems like the reason this got to you do much is because IT ALWAYS HAPPENS? You always feel second choice? And this time was just one time too many, even if in isolation it seems like you're overreacting... Maybe it's just a symptom of a bigger problem.

I'm so sorry about your kitty, so very sorry.

It’s hard to say if I would expect this. We have dogs not cats but I know if one of our dogs died dh would be as devastated as I would be and take them to where ever they needed to be. If he had said he would take his dad to the dentist I think he would call him a taxi and pay for it so he could still get to the dentist.
If he couldn’t get out of going to the dentist we would discuss it, I can’t imagine him saying no can’t do that and that’s it. If he did it would hurt, because even if it was unreasonable for me to ask it would be nice to have a little understanding and a discussion.

Sorry about your cat, one of ours died completely suddenly in November last year and it was a shock for us all so I understand the pain you're in. But.....I'm afraid I feel you're being unreasonable to expect your partner to cancel all plans. In Scotland we get 1 dentist appointment a year so to cancel one on the day we would probably be waiting for months and months for another one.

Your DP had made plans to support his parents to access things which could not be cancelled, I think to dump him over this is a little mad.

I'd also like to say it's good he is helping his folks! I'm afraid aging parents don't just disappear once a man has a partner and he has to put her first in every single way.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your beloved cat 💐

they weren’t your ex partners appointments they were his parents and both would be hard to rearrange. So on this occasion I’m going to have to say you are unreasonable but also understand how you may feel let down.

@Pandolly can I ask why you felt it was so urgent to get the cat to the crem today? I haven’t had a pet die at home, only in the vets, but friends who have haven’t done this. One arranged pick up which was a day or so later, one just couldn’t bear it immediately.

I completely understand pet bereavement. I’m a long time pet owner. I can just see that time sensitive appointments need to be prioritised over ones where time makes no difference.

What you actually mean is you want to be nasty but cant because you will get banned. If it was honest you wanted to be then you've ticked that box, dont worry.

I think the issue isn't what is more important in that moment, but he sounds like his parents are his main priority overall. So whatever your issue is, he'll go with their needs.

I’m sorry for your loss OP but you have been really unreasonable here.

A dentist appointment usually can’t be just rearranged at an hours notice or on the day. NHS that could get you booted off, private you’d lose your money.

So sorry to hear about your cat. I’d be in bits if it was my cat. I’d be more in bits if it was a human member of my family though. I think you need some perspective.

Dentist appointments aren't easy to rearrange either, especially on the day. If its NHS you are likely to get a black mark by your name and if private then it's likely the appointment has already been paid for (mine charge upfront) and if you cancel within 48 hours they will not transfer the payment to a new appointment so you have to pay again.

Sounds like you were ok to do the school run, so in this situation you needed to get a taxi if incapable of driving at lunchtime or to have been brave and gone alone.

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP. I came home to find our cat had passed away, he was lying in the sun on the dining room floor. He was very elderly, and sort of expected, but we'd had him 18 years and it still broke my heart a little bit. DH came straight home, and helped me bury him in the garden.

I don't think there is a lot of understanding about loving your pets on MN at the best of times...

YABU. Dentist appointments can be changed, but there might be a long wait until the next available slot. There might have been a charge for cancelling at such short notice. Presumably cat cremations can also be changed?

Sad about your cat, but those appointments were more important.

YANBU my partner dropped everything when my beloved dog died lots of people feel bereaved when this happens I suggest you don’t seek help here not everyone understands these feelingsI found this site helpful https://www.theralphsite.com/