To end relationship over this?

How awful - I’m so sorry 💐
I wouldn’t have dumped my boyfriend though over it. Most men are quite selfish by nature and the fact he is prioritising his elderly parents is admirable imo. It’s a green flag for me.

But you didn't feel that you could rearrange/ postpone the child pick-up?
I know that you couldn't do that, of course. Well in just the same way, DP couldn't rearrange his commitments to his parents at such short notice.
I have had multiple animals all my life and don't have children but I think you were being unreasonable. You could have made an appointment at the pet crem for today quite easily.
Now if you had needed support to go to the vet with a sick animal, I would have thought rather differently.
If I were your partner you wouldn't get a chance to change your mind, tbh. You would be gone out of my life for being so unreasonable.

I'm so sorry about your cat.
Given the age of the parents it does seem that he is doing an awful lot for them.
Did you say that he hasn't stayed over at yours as his Mum would be upset?
If so, that is very odd. Does he live with them?
People will have varying opinions on whether you were/ were not unreasonable in this specific situation, However, I would not want to continue a relationship with someone so enmeshed with their parents. It sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.

OP, if you haven’t even spent the night together after eighteen months because his mum would be upset about it, this was no relationship. You don’t need him back, there will be available men out there - don’t waste more of your time trying to turn this one into something he’s not ever going to be for you.

She’s dumped him, so no conversation with him required.

I’m 72, and newly widowed. I have hospital appointments and I get a taxi. I drive to my dental appointments. I wouldn’t dream of asking my son or daughter for lifts.

@Pandolly if his parents are only in their early 60s can’t either of them drive?

You’ve said his parents wouldn’t be happy about him staying the night, am I right in assuming there may be some cultural clashes between you?

He hasn’t yet spent the night because his parents wouldn’t like it?!
Unless there is a massive drip feed coming that he’s only 18 or something then the rest of this thread is a red herring!
How old are you both?

Firstly, condolences on the loss of your beloved cat. I do think you have acted over-emotionally on this particular issue, but if you needed someone to drive you to the vet several hours after your cat passed because you weren’t in a fit state, perhaps you are quite a strongly emotional person in general?

I say this as I recall when my beloved father passed, I had to drive to the hospice (my family members and I were taking turns siting with him) only minutes after receiving the news and in the middle of the worst storm my city has ever seen. But I pulled myself together because needs must. It seems odd that you were able to get it together to do the school run but not to drive to the vet. Perhaps this is why your ex felt it was a bit excessive expecting his parents to cancel appointments so he could drive you around.

If his parents aren’t frail and can afford a taxi, they are taking the piss. How you convince your partner of this is the problem here. Straight talking is needed. It’s not just about meeting your needs, it’s also about him prioritising his needs. He gently needs to be unavailable every single time they want him.

I love animals, but would not expect someone to drop an elderly parents medical/dental appointment to take me to a pet crematorium. He had presumably taken time out of work to take them, and they would likely get charged for a cancellation with no notice.

I don't think it is fair to put this in the bucket of not being prioritised. Not on this occasion for very good reasons. If he had been at the pub or wherever, then fair enough but this should not have been the final straw.

Nor could the dentist appointment be easily moved without a long wait for the next one and potentially a financial impact.

I am sorry for the loss of your cat, I know how painful it is.

For me, it would be on how old your partner’s parents are. If they are not in their eighties and without any significant health issues then YANBU.

I think you're being a bit irrational. I'm sorry about your cat. I've lost pets and it's tough.
But you state that you had to go to the crem at that time because you had other commitments which you wouldn't cancel. Yet you expected your DH to cancel his commitments to elderly parents. And dentist/doctor/hospital appointments are hard to get and definitely not easy to cancel and rearrange especially at short notice. If it was that important to you and you needed him there then you could have rearranged your own plans and both gone at another time.
Unfortunately, whether a pet, family member or friend, life has to go on after bereavement however hard it affects you. And, it's very difficult. But sadly, we all go through it at some point and we just have to muddle through the best we can.

She is being hard work. OP had other options, but they withhold inconvenience her. She doesn't care about his parents, so she wanted them to be the ones who were.
She could have arranged for someone else to pick her child up and gone later, skipped her training and gone today, gone after training today.
I love my pets, but this wasn't urgent. The poor cat had already died. She just doesn't care about other people, her partner or his parents, and wants everything too revolve around her.

He had to prioritize and he prioritized the living human, his parent, over the dead animal. It's not like he'd refused to cancel a squash game or a night out at the pub. I'd think twice before throwing away a man who shows a sense of responsibility towards the people closest to him.

Do his parents have anyone else? Is he, perhaps, being pulled in two directions? Is it possible he feels that neither you nor his parents put him first?

I don't want to derail this thread but I find it sad when people expect their partners to put them first over everyone and at all times. We all will probably have caring responsibilities at some point or need them ourselves. I think having a DH/P who does take his folks to things is a good thing even when it can be annoying in the moment. I'd hate to think that at some point on the future my DIL resents my son having to take me to something.

There may be much more to this situation and the partners actions may be a pattern which we don't know but I just feel sad that men should ditch their parents as soon as a long term partner is on the scene.

A pensioners dentist/hospital appointment is far more important than a dead cat. Sorry to be blunt but human trumps animal every time, especially if said animal is dead.

I've seen the 'you sound like hard work' phrase has been trotted out.🙄 I don't think OP is being hard work, she's just lost one of her companions very suddenly, and that sounds very painful. I was in bits when one of my mum's cats was PTS, even though I left home years before it happened, because I remember her being born when I was a teenager.