To end relationship over this?

You can end the relationship if it's not what you want. And it sounds as if it's not.

I do think you are BU about the appointment though, it's impossible to change appointments at my dentist, I have to book a year in advance and even when they change them I still can't get the new one until at least a couple of months later.

Sorry about your cat, it's very upsetting.

Live parents transport to dental appointment take priority over you being upset about your deceased cat.

You're a gf of a bit over a year and you expect him to blow off his parents having a hard to get medical appointment to sit with you and take you to a pet crematorium? Your expectations are extremely unreasonable.

Sorry about your cat.

It flipping hurts when we lose an animal, and lots of sympathies to you.

I actually dont think you have overrated you had a horrible experience and I would have hoped he would have stepped up to support you.

His parents will always become before you in his thoughts, so you either...

1. just except he is a mummy's boy and will always run to them

2. cut your losses and find someone who puts you first.

Ok so I think you were being emotionally driven and unreasonable about the cat. It must have been an awful shock so I am sorry.
However the updates are definitely a red flag. He hasn’t stayed over in 18 months???!! You are never going to be a priority. EVER! So your knee jerk response was probably the right one. Chalk him up to experience and find someone willing to at least out you in the same level as his parents for a start.

Sorry OP but I agree with this.

If you simply enjoy his company when his parents see fit to release him to spend time with you, then carry on. But you must realise that a long term relationship is off the cards with someone so enmeshed with their parents.

On reading your further responses, I think your expectation that his parents would change appointments so he could drive you somewhere instead was unreasonable, but your decision to dump him for it really reflects the fact that this is not a healthy or balanced relationship in general.

If he’s refusing to see you on weekends or sleep over because it will upset the mother he still lives with in his 30s, then he is totally over-enmeshed with his parents and not relationship-ready.

In this instance you did over react
But reading your update s
I suspect this was the straw that broke the camels back
He needs to stay dumped ,your instinct is correct,you can do better

Do NOT listen to this awful advice. You had a huge, horrible shock about your beloved pet. If this isn't a time for support, then when???

You said yourself he has form for this. Calling you selfish is him making it clear that he simply doesn't see anything wrong with his behaviour.

You did the right thing OP. Find yourself a partner who will support you.

Two separate issues here:

Your lovely cat

I feel your pain, I adore cats (I am cat sitting as we speak!) and it's awful when they die. But I am not sure why there had to be such urgency around getting to the crematorium the same day. Your partner had arranged to support his parents - whether you feel they need the help or not - at medical appointments which likely wouldn't be that straightforward to rearrange. Plus wouldn't your kids want to say goodbye to the cat before the cremation? You could have popped the cat in their bed (or in a box if too hard to see), let everyone have some time to mourn together, and then gone to the crematorium the following day. I think you were unreasonable to expect him to drop everything. I've had to drive when distressed before - like when my aunt died last month - it's just life I am afraid.

Your relationship

He's never stayed over in 18 months? Nope, not for me. He lives at home in his 30s? Unless he is genuinely a carer and it's more convenient then nope, not for me. It doesn't sound like a relationship in any way. I don't know what it is - do you go on holiday together? Do you spend much time together? Also if he won't stay over because of his mum then he's never going to stand up to her and assert his own independence. You're on a hiding to nothing, so I think it's good that it ended even though I am not sure I agree with your reason for ending it.

I have read the whole post. There are issues here with a man in his 30s being co-dependent/enmeshed with his parents if he cannot stay overnight or spend a weekend day with you. This is a relationship you are best out of. The issues with the cat have just brought it to a head. Condolences for the death of your pet.

OP, I think you need to take a step back from relationships and do some work with yourself about what you need and deserve from a future relationship, and getting to an emotional place where you don’t put up with rubbish. Describing this as the best relationship you’ve ever had when he’s refused to ever spend the night together, you never feel as though he’d put you first, and often he doesn’t even makes enough time for you; and after just eighteen months, there have been “ups and downs as with most relationships” (good relationships aren’t characterised by instability and downs you have to work through all the time) is quite sad. It’s not normal for relationships to be like this, and you deserve a lot better.

Sorry but people are more important than pets. Couldn’t you have got a taxi?

Whilst I feel you maybe overreacted in this instance, generally this relationship is unlikely to work. He’s far too enmeshed with his parents. The fact that he can’t even stay the night because it might upset his Mum is a huge red flag.

Yeah, it sounds as though your problems run deeper than this incident with your cat.

I am so sorry for your loss. Also a cat lover and would be equally devastated. 💐🩵

I'm so sorry about your dear cat OP. I know only too well that feeling of utter heartbreak. It must have been such a terrible shock for you. If his parents are healthy and only in their early sixties, then his devotion to them does sound excessive. Can't they ever take a taxi to appointments? He really shouldn't be revolving his life around them to that extent, especially now he has a partner. I speak as someone who is in their late sixties. I think you need to reconsider your future with this man because I believe you will always be a second thought.

He has not yet spent the night as his mother would be upset about it if he did.

Let him stay dumped. He isn’t capable of being in a real relationship.

OP, he had made a prior commitment. It doesn't matter who to, parents or not, it was the fact that he already made arrangements. I wouldn't dream of asking my husband to change his plans, especially if it inconvenienced someone else. You could easily have got a taxi, which is what most people would surely have done.

Having said that, he sounds like he is way too enmeshed with his parents ("won't stay the night because it will upset his mother", and thus that aspect probably means that you're right to dump him!

Why on earth is he taking them to the dentist? Hospital appointments, maybe, but why can’t they take each other?

You over reacted

I'm so sorry about your cat. But the sad fact is it had passed away. It's obviously devastating but it couldn't be saved. There was no urgency at that stage to have it cremated immediately.

Medical appointments for human beings who are still alive have to take priority over an animal that has sadly already gone. And as you say, it happened suddenly and unexpectedly. So he was already doing the other things he committed to.

I hope he or another family or friend took you there as soon as they could.

I can see this was the straw that broke the camels back though. You felt abandoned in a time of grief and it must have been horrible. Especially If there's a pattern.

How many more dripfeeds are there going to be?