To wonder what makes a mum be like this?

Exactly. But it’s well known levels of reading comprehension are very low on forums.

@GreyCarpet I was just standing up for chicken nuggets!

The OP hasn’t said that though.

I wasn't suggesting they were mutually exclusive, just describing what I did.

And that’s only possible with junk food, lots of screens, no hobbies, AI holidays? I think you’re judgemental and jealous

@Floraposte1

A lot of that stuff is just basic parenting - giving your kids opportunities and keeping them healthy.

Exactly. Cooking meals from scratch! What a jumped up cow! Who does she think she is?

I hate this race to the bottom mentality that seems to have crept into our society at the moment that any kind of ambition or drive to better yourself is "exhausting" or pretentious. No wonder we have the lowest productivity of pretty much any country in the world.

See also the endless bellyaching on here about the importance of allowing children to "be bored". Invariably parroted by people harking back to the 1970s or 1980s as a halcyon period for family life. I lived through the 1970s when benign neglect was standard parenting and it didn't do my generation any favours. It really irritates me that this is now held up as an aspiration.

I won't apologise for wanting to give my child all the chances I can afford and trying to give her a healthy, varied, educational and interesting life. That doesn't mean I aim to be a highly strung helicopter parent. But give me that any day over a sluggish half-existence of no aspiration.

And a lot of the teens carry on with classes ans sports.
Let us not forget that.

OP does say she agrees/admires some of this. It’s maybe just the relentless pursuit of perfection she is questioning. Nobody has to do ALL the things.

I have known loads of these type.
Come the teenage years they had murder because the children downed tools and said no more.

Several were so talented, one in rugby, completely refused any involvement.
The parents were bereft.

I've seen it in tennis loads of times too.
You can encourage your children for sure and give opportunities, but when they become teens, they will decide with their feet.

Holidays always very educational, lots of walking, historical sights.

Maybe they just, gasp, like those things?

Lots of mingling with wealthier families or wanting to be around influential/successful families.

Maybe they just, gasp, like those people? Since I imagine those people don't include you, I can only assume that your rather snotty view is at a distance to this person's actual life, rather than your imagined one.

Regardless, having a clear idea about what you're providing for your child and a good ability to carry it through isn't a bad thing.

Think about the opposite of everything you said - that would be a bad childhood, wouldn't it?

And the mum you talk about doesn't want that for her children?

We did lots of camping, hiking, were members of the National Trust, and I took them to music festivals, the Proms, outdoor theatres, we baked and made jam and even ginger beer because I enjoyed those things and so did they. I've never taken them on an all inclusive holiday, to a holiday park and I've never bought chicken nuggets

Mine love a camping trip and chicken nuggets …

YABU

People are allowed to have ambitions for their kids.

Not sure what wrong with taking kids on outings or having after school clubs.

I think the mum you've described is over the top and doubt there's any that do all of that. But most mums are probably doing some activities with their kids.

What makes a mum be like this?

Presumably, they enjoy it? Believe it's best for their children? I can't think of any other reasons.

My personal experience is that children who are enrolled in multiple activities suffer from that but not from the rest of it.

My children are adults now. But I cooked from scratch every night, they both did clubs and activities but my rule was one creative (choir or a musical instrument); one sport (swimming, gymnastics, dance) and one life skill/sociable (Brownies, Cubs etc). They were also allowed to change and try other things. And we also did 'educational' holidays (places of historical interest and not beach/lying by the pool holidays).

But that's because I thought that eating proper food was important, I did similar activities as a child and went on similar holidays. I also had plenty of time to play and engage in creative activities at home as did my children.

We did lots of camping, hiking, were members of the National Trust, and I took them to music festivals, the Proms, outdoor theatres, we baked and made jam and even ginger beer because I enjoyed those things and so did they. I've never taken them on an all inclusive holiday, to a holiday park and I've never bought chicken nuggets.

It's just the lifestyle I was brought up with so the one I continued for my children because I thought it was a good lifestyle for them to have. I was able to do more things with them than my parents did with me because I had a higher income and enjoyed things that parents hadn't. Higher income was relative though - I still had a fairly low income and was a single parent for much of it but I prioritised doing those things.

I went to a school where failure in GSCEs / A levels was considered failure in life and that the best people went to Oxbridge, with everyone else thought of as inferior to some degree.

I now see that happiness is more important than success or money, but the indoctrination at the time was totally consuming.

Yes it frightened us to get better results than if we had not been scared / programmed, but there were occasional suicides due to the pressure. It's not worth it.

AND there's no great correlation between school results and eventual success in career or money either.

For those saying some of these mums (ones with children competing in lots of areas like sport/academics) are not doing it performatively - some are. I know one who has posted every single detail of her daughter's uni applications process for a difficult subject (selfies at university X and Y, cheering photo for each offer and so on). Photo of sweaty daughter on every run as she is training for a half marathon. Every result of each school hockey/netball match or cross country race. It is relentless and she never ever mentions the two younger ones who are less sporty and academic. Interestingly - both boys.

@Randomuser2026 Lots of my classmates had eating disorders (highly academic girls grammar school).

Tbh I lean towards the pushy parenting style of parenting although I have no interest in the PTA or ferrying my dc around at all hours for a sport. However my dc are different to me & don’t like that pressure so I have to compromise.

Wonder what your relative would say about your parenting

Wanting their children to have a better start in life than they did.

Why do you choose not to?

I’m totally not, but I’ve known these people long enough (2 are siblings, one is a cousin) to be able to see reality.
I do some of the same stuff myself.. but the point is constant hamster-wheeling whilst the parent is so fucking unhappy.

You've kind of answered your own question. It's because they are naturally very driven with lots of energy and enthusiasm, so need to channel it.