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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think she should let me have them

187 replies

DallazMajor · 13/02/2026 12:05

I have a particular style and people comment on it.

My friend bought some shoes in a charity shop. She said “oh I bought these shoes - they are so you”. She showed them to me and yes they are so me. She then put them in a box in her wardrobe.

This month she said I could borrow them for my mums funeral. :(
Lots of people commented on them “they are so you”. Etc. She kept telling everyone they were her shoes that she picked up at a vintage fayre for £5.

For context she is a very close friend.

AIBU to think she should let me have the shoes.

She fully discloses that she will “Never wear them”.

OP posts:
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user2848502016 · 13/02/2026 12:13

Have you offered to buy them from her?

ScholesPanda · 13/02/2026 12:13

Agree you could ask to buy them.

But the whole things sounds like a weird power play, so if she offered to lend them again I'd probably tell her I no longer liked them.

ShetlandishMum · 13/02/2026 12:13

It's not yours. You could offer to byy them from her.

SummerInSun · 13/02/2026 12:12

Really sorry about your mum. I think you may have misread what she is trying to say to you. By saying (repeatedly) they are very you, she may have been hoping you’d say “absolutely, I love them, is there any chance I can buy them from you?”, and she will likely either say yes or say you can have them as a gift. The fact you haven’t said you want them may be making her feel she misjudged the situation and she is stuck with a pair of shoes she hoped you’d like and want.

5128gap · 13/02/2026 12:11

If my friend showed me a pair of shoes that were 'me' and 'fully disclosed' she'd never wear them herself, I'd ask her why she'd bought them. Her answer would maybe offer some insight into whether there was any motive other than to play games with you. I might also ask to buy them from her if I wanted them that much and she appeared to have no use for them.

2dogsandabudgie · 13/02/2026 12:11

I do think it's strange to buy something that you have no intention of wearing. Next time she says that ask her why she bought them and that you would be happy to buy them off her.

devildeepbluesea · 13/02/2026 12:09

Sorry about your mum, but she bought the shoes and if she wants to keep them in a box in her wardrobe til she dies, that’s her prerogative. You could ask to buy them, of course.

Brewtiful · 13/02/2026 12:09

OperationalSupport · 13/02/2026 12:08

Have you said to her that you’d be interested in buying them from her? You can’t expect people to just give you their possessions.

This was my first thought. It doesn't actually sound like you've asked her for the shoes?

pilates · 13/02/2026 12:09

Could you offer to buy them off her if she’s not going to wear them?

OperationalSupport · 13/02/2026 12:08

Have you said to her that you’d be interested in buying them from her? You can’t expect people to just give you their possessions.

PGmicstand · 13/02/2026 12:07

I am sorry to hear about your mum. I hope you have sufficient support around you whilst the grief is so raw. But I think you may be letting your feelings cloud your judgement.

I don't think she should let you have them. She may have other plans for them, or may say she will 'never wear them' as in she's not often at occasions where they'd be appropriate.

If you would like the shoes, you could offer to buy them from her, at the price she paid for them.

Isittimeformynapyet · 13/02/2026 12:07

There's no "should" in this situation, but it's odd of her to be sure.

I'd be really happy to have found them for you.