AIBU to think she should let me have them

She fully discloses that she will “Never wear them”.

I'm struggling with this to be honest.

Are you absolutely sure that's what she said, because it makes zero sense?

It’s just bloody weird. No she doesn’t have to give them to you and was perfectly entitled to buy them but it’s utterly bizarre to make a whole thing about it, making sure she was telling everyone they were actually her bargain shoes at your mother’s funeral and then also telling you she’s keeping them in the back of her wardrobe and is never going to wear them.

I’m really struggling to see a benign rationale. Like
others, it sounds to me like a weird sort of power play. “I have them, so you can’t wear them unless I permit it and I know how much you like them, so it must be driving you mad”. I cannot fathom doing that to a friend, let alone one that is grieving.

Sorry for the loss of your mum, Op. Focus on grieving and not your batshit friend.

Offer to buy them from her with a finders fee.
They must be some fancy shoes.
Sorry about your mother. 🙏

Its weird that she made a point of showing you and saying they were so you, but obviously there's nothing to say she should have given them to you!

Why do you expect her to give you the shoes? They're hers. Just because they're "your style" doesn't entitle you to someone else's things.

Offer to buy them.

Sorry about your mom.

Entitled much?

Yes. Yabu

They're her shoes. I'm sure you could find the same pair on eBay or Vinted if you really want them.

Have a look at Irregular Choice shoes. I love them and will often be tagged in Facebook posts whenever anyone sees a pair of even somewhat unusual shoes.

You both sound silly tbh. Her to buy shoes she would never wear and you being entitled to expect that she should give them to you. If you want them offer to buy them.

Why would you covet your friends old second hand shoes? Even if they were 'me' I wouldn't want them.

This. To put it another way!

I’m so sorry to hear about your Mum.

The situation with the shoes is really weird. I can’t quite fathom the mentality of someone who would buy pair of shoes they thought would suit a friend’s style, not give them to the friend, but never wear them themselves. Whilst telling the friend they were “so you” and lending them to said friend for a highly emotional event.

It’s really weird.

Is she trying to have some sort of hold over you?

Or do you think your understandable grief about your Mum has led you to fixate on the shoes?

She sounds unhinged!!

If I had found shoes perfect for a friend for £5 I would have either bought them and gifted them to said friend OR thought ohh they’re so ‘my fiend’ and left them in the charity shop for someone else.

Hoarding something you’ll never use that has no significant value -sentimental or monetary is odd behaviour!!

They're her shoes but I agree with the PP who said it seems like some kind of weird power play. Fine for her to lend them, but to then comment on how much they suit you whilst also professing that she will never wear them herself is off in my opinion.

I'm so sorry about your mum.

Your friend has behaved quite oddly and I'm wondering if bewilderment on top of your grief has led you to fixate on the shoes.

It's really quite strange for her to have bought shoes she admits she will never wear, declares then to be "so you" and lends them to you but tells everyone while you are wearing them at your mum's funeral that they are hers and then wanted them back again. You aren't entitled to her possessions but they cost £5 and she wont wear them but knows you would and you're a good friend - it just seems so obvious she would give them to you and yet she's almost made a point that she won't.

One of my close friends has another old friend who always seems a bit jealous of her. The other friend is very well off but my close friend is really beautiful, charismatic and happily married. She has told me on some occasions she's shared with the old friend that she's saving up for something she really wants and the next time she sees old friend, the friend has bought that very thing for herself and seems sort of triumphant about it. It seems a bit like "you may be beautiful but I'm rich so i can have the material things you want" although a kinder interpretation might be that she admires beautiful friend and leaps at the chance to adopt her tastes and be more like her(?)

No idea if it's the same sort of thing but do you think your friend is jealous of you?

My condolences about your mum. I can only assume that the stress of her passing is making you focus on things that don't matter and act so entitled. I hope you have support to grieve your mother x

If I was her and I never wore them I'd tell you to borrow them indefinitely and if I ever want to wear them I'll ask for them back. But basically they'd be yours.

If she really loves them for whatever reason I guess I can see why she might just like looking at them? Or she just didn't realise how much you love them?

You could offer to buy them off her for a tenner? Double what she paid? That's fairly generous?

I'm so sorry about your lovely mum x

you are worried about shoe choice for your mother's funeral?

Sorry about your mum

Is it possible your sadness for your mum is making you fixated on a smaller issue like these shoes?

I would just give the shoes back and never think of them again.

I think you should ask her if she would consider selling them to you but my gosh you do sound entitled to think you should just be given them. Regardless of how much you like them they are hers.

I'm sorry to hear about your mum, but there is no SHOULD give them to you.

You could ask to buy them from her, but they are her shoes, just because they are your style does not mean she should give them to you!

Offer to buy them if you want them.

My condolenses about your mother.

Have you actually asked her if she will give or sell them to you?

Im really sorry for your loss, OP. I wonder what actually going on here. I must admit that I’d find it pretty odd if lots of people spent my mother’s funeral commenting on how well my shoes suited me, regardless of whether they were borrowed or my own.

TBH I am struggling to imagine a personal style and a pair of shoes so distinctive that multiple other people will actually comment on it.