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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think she should let me have them

187 replies

DallazMajor · 13/02/2026 12:05

I have a particular style and people comment on it.

My friend bought some shoes in a charity shop. She said “oh I bought these shoes - they are so you”. She showed them to me and yes they are so me. She then put them in a box in her wardrobe.

This month she said I could borrow them for my mums funeral. :(
Lots of people commented on them “they are so you”. Etc. She kept telling everyone they were her shoes that she picked up at a vintage fayre for £5.

For context she is a very close friend.

AIBU to think she should let me have the shoes.

She fully discloses that she will “Never wear them”.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
NumbersGuy · 14/02/2026 04:32

Well OP, per your quote, "I have literally begged to buy them off her. (before my mum passed away)" and also your "AIBU to think she should let me have them" thread title, why are you degradating yourself over a pair of shoes by your passive-aggressive friend? She bought them because it's your style, she said she would never ear them anyway, but she's going enjoy holding them hostage and enjoy watching you go crazy over a pair of shoes she bought at a charity shop for a £5 note. She's simply enjoying the ability to hold over you and enjoy your jealousy. If you want to keep wasting your energy worrying about these shoes, then best of luck to you.

Francestein · 14/02/2026 03:53

Good grief… this is one of the most blatant examples of entitlement I have ever seen. Google the show and look on vinted and Depop until you find some like everyone else.

DreamTheMoors · 14/02/2026 03:34

Sparklingwaterornothing · 13/02/2026 12:58

She sounds unhinged!!

If I had found shoes perfect for a friend for £5 I would have either bought them and gifted them to said friend OR thought ohh they’re so ‘my fiend’ and left them in the charity shop for someone else.

Hoarding something you’ll never use that has no significant value -sentimental or monetary is odd behaviour!!

You sound far more unhinged than anyone on this thread.
Unless you’re unaware of what “unhinged” means.
”Odd behaviour,” sure, because we’re all a little odd, but the person you’re referencing has done nothing more odd than buy a pair of shoes in a charity shop.
And then made a few comments to her friend about those shoes.
If her friend wants those shoes, she needs to speak up or otherwise forever hold her peace.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 14/02/2026 03:13

Hodgemollar · 13/02/2026 19:22

It’s quite weird to expect someone to give you something they bought for themselves because you think it’s more you. That doesn’t give you a right to something.

Yes, and there's something called Google and EBay where one might try looking... 🧐

PollyBell · 14/02/2026 02:45

grannyreindeer · 14/02/2026 02:39

I agree with pps....her behaviour sounds like an odd little power/control game, possibly jealousy.

See the shoes. Either...

  • Buy them for yourself independently if you like the style.
  • Mention to your friend you saw something in their style in X charity shop (if you're super close message to ask if you want them to buy them and they can transfer the money over).

Its like Wendying where some women see another woman have a new friend (who they would not have been "independently" interested in) and get obsessed with taking over that friend.

And part of the power play is to show the friendship off to the person being Wendied.

Plus its odd and vulgar and attention seeking to bring this up at a funeral (sorry for your loss OP).

I would never mention the shoes again, and also ease this crazy person out of my life and stop giving them information about me.

So a person wont give the op second hand shoes so cut them out of their life? A bit dramatic

grannyreindeer · 14/02/2026 02:39

I agree with pps....her behaviour sounds like an odd little power/control game, possibly jealousy.

See the shoes. Either...

  • Buy them for yourself independently if you like the style.
  • Mention to your friend you saw something in their style in X charity shop (if you're super close message to ask if you want them to buy them and they can transfer the money over).

Its like Wendying where some women see another woman have a new friend (who they would not have been "independently" interested in) and get obsessed with taking over that friend.

And part of the power play is to show the friendship off to the person being Wendied.

Plus its odd and vulgar and attention seeking to bring this up at a funeral (sorry for your loss OP).

I would never mention the shoes again, and also ease this crazy person out of my life and stop giving them information about me.

PollyBell · 14/02/2026 02:36

On what grounds do you think she should?

Original poster
DallazMajor · 14/02/2026 02:05

I have literally begged to buy them off her.

(before my mum passed away )

OP posts:
OriginalSkang · 13/02/2026 21:07

Namechangefordaughterevasion · 13/02/2026 19:10

irregular Choice have stopped trading but you might be able to get some in Vinted?

😲

Beetlejuice3 · 13/02/2026 19:43

Does your friend actually like the shoes? I ask because I have a pair of irregular choice little mermaid shoes that were so fantastic I bought them, but there’s no chance I could walk in them and can’t see an occasion I’ll wear them. They would actually suit my best friend more and she loves them, but I won’t give them to her because I like them too, hence buying them.

note- they are not in my wardrobe they are on display in my dressing room

Applecup · 13/02/2026 19:42

Your mum has died and you are worrying about a pair of shoes.

Hodgemollar · 13/02/2026 19:22

It’s quite weird to expect someone to give you something they bought for themselves because you think it’s more you. That doesn’t give you a right to something.

ChangeAgainAgainAgain · 13/02/2026 19:19

I find it very odd to feel entitled to other people's possessions, just because they're to your taste.

Reasonable to say to her, "if you ever decide to get rid of them, please can I buy them off you?"

Namechangefordaughterevasion · 13/02/2026 19:10

irregular Choice have stopped trading but you might be able to get some in Vinted?

ohyesido · 13/02/2026 18:22

I need to see the shoes

Sheepondrugs · 13/02/2026 18:05

Giving her the benefit of the doubt , she's envious of your unique style and wishes she also had a unique style, and the attention that comes with it.
Or she is spiteful, buying them only to deprive you of them and playing games to mess with you .

MoiraPlunkett · 13/02/2026 17:57

I'm sorry for your loss Flowers

Your friend's behaviour is downright peculiar. Why is she telling you she'll never wear the shoes, and why buy them if she is not planning to wear or sell them?

Do you think she's playing some kind of game where she enjoys making you envious or wants you to beg her for the shoes?

Bikergran · 13/02/2026 17:53

Have you offered to buy them?

Cherrysoup · 13/02/2026 17:40

Offer her a tenner and keep a watch on Vinted if she refuses. You’re not entitled to them.

OriginalSkang · 13/02/2026 17:22

Irregular Choice have some quirky shoes you could get away with at a funeral

Isometimeswonder · 13/02/2026 16:17

Let's see the shoes

MyDeftDuck · 13/02/2026 16:16

Personally I would offer to buy them off her. If she then refuses and decides to keep them, based on her precious attitude so far , her saying they’re so ‘you’, lending them to you for your mums funeral and then her telling people they were actually her shoes I’d be very tempted to tell her to shove them where the sun doesn’t shine!

godmum56 · 13/02/2026 16:14

luckylavender · 13/02/2026 15:50

God no. But then I wouldn’t wear second hand shoes.

Show quote history

me either, gives me the ick.

Silverbirchleaf · 13/02/2026 16:11

I’m a bit confused. Are you just expecting her to give them to you, and if so, why? Yes, they maybe more your style than hers, but doesn’t mean she doesn’t want them.

I don’t think she should just give them to you, but you could offer to buy them off her. However, if she refuses the offer, don’t be upset. They’re her shoes, not yours.

TheMorgenmuffel · 13/02/2026 16:08

Are you joking?