AIBU to think she should let me have them

If you have a photograph of the shoes, the posters on style and beauty threads will find them or something close. They’re professional shoppers.

I think the answer will be she is a grown woman who can buy what she wants.

Many people have an item that they can’t wear but still like to look at every now and then.

Best way to handle this is to never ask to wear the shoes again. Don't comment on them. For some bizarre reason, she bought the shoes with no intention of wearing them but mentioned the shoes to you. Why would she tell you about the shoes? Why would she buy something which is not her style and clearly yours?

Suspect this is a form of power play that your friend is doing.

Forget about them. I genuinely think this is more about your mother dying than the shoes.
If she hasn’t agreed to sell or offered them by now then forget them.
I personally would give my friend the shoes under these circumstances. I know not everyone will feel the same generosity towards a grieving friend.
This is probably a sign that the friendship is over.

Stop playing the game OP. Next time she asks if you want to borrow them say “no thanks” and leave it there.
she sounds jealous of you and trying to point score. Leave it there.

What did she say as you were begging her?

Well it's odd that she bought them but says she'll never wear them, BUT she is of course perfectly entitled to not sell them or give them to you or anyone else.

Is it possible that she's doing this to piss you off for some reason? Any bad blood between you?

Perhaps you could find a way to ask her this very question OP.

Is there a history of you wanting her things or vice versa?

My sister expects me to give her a lot of my things. It gets frustrating for me as she makes me out to be tight just for keeping things that I like and bought for myself.

You’re projecting grief into this situation.
Let it go, she owns the shoes and for whatever chooses not to wear them.
Shoes don’t have feelings or care if they are onfeet or in boxes!

It is odd, controlling behaviour, especially because they are your style and not hers. Would they even fit her?

Similar happened to me when a really good friend picked up a lovely coat in a charity shop when I was with her. It was my size, not hers. She bought it and sold it on ebay. I have no idea what she was thinking 🤷🏽‍♀️

Can you have a look on vinted to see if you can buy a pair of your own?

Maybe she is keeping them in the hope she gets the confidence to wear them if they are not her usual style.

So the "I will never wear them" is her saying that she wishes she has the confidence to wear them and maybe one day she will?

Also, she let you wear them when you wanted to, thats a kind thing

If you want some of the shoes, have a google and buy a similar pair yourself

Be a big girl and buy your own shoes.

Im struggling to imagine having a single thought about shoes at my mom’s funeral

Take photos of the shoes if you can, and put the photo through Google. I hope you can find another pair like that

Sorry about your mum.

But no - they are her shoes, she can do what she wants with them. Can't believe how entitled you are.

This. It's a bit odd. Is she normally one for power games?

If you like them so much then offer to buy them or hunt around yourself in the charity shops. Tbh I cant understand why you're so obsessed with a pair of shoes when you've just lost your Mum?

I agree with the posters that she is enjoying some odd, power play. To do it around your Mum's death/funeral shows that she isn't a true friend. If they are irregular choice, I doubt that she got them for £5. Have you got a inheritance that she's a bit envious about, or is she attention seeker? The whole thing is strange.

Blimey, they are shoes. Just search online for some or something similar.
You are not entitled to have whatever you want if it doesn’t belong to you.

Maybe she’s saving then for your next birthday present and the buildup “tantalising” has gone too far for you in your difficult times.💐

Why has she bought shoes she’ll never wear?

i thought irregular choice too. Used to have a colleague who wore them, and was VERY fierce about how they were HER style… and if anyone else wore them, she would be v v strange and make weird derogatory comments about how they were ‘her style’ and how ordinary people couldn’t carry them off like her…. She was scarily controlling about them!

You have asked and her and she has replied that she’s not selling them. End of matter.

She "shouldn't " let you have them, no. She seems to be enjoying taunting you with them and i would question what sort of friend she actually was. Does she plan to be your personal shoe lending bank since you are the only person wanting to wear them?! It's seriously weird. I would forget about them, show no interest in them. That will annoy her. Find your own pair to buy and consider why she is behaving in this way.