AIBU to think she should let me have them

This, unless I've missed some massive piece of information. Why would you have a right to her stuff?

Yes, I think she should have gifted them to you. It would have been kind and thoughtful of her, like a good friend.
as it is she is advertising something to you and then holding onto it as a hoarder, which is ungenerous and insensitive.

Your friend is odd , however much I loved her shoes I wouldn't borrow them on a principle .

Exactly what I was going to say.

People in the midst of a major grief behave in ways that aren't typical for them.

Case in point, after my dad died very suddenly at 62, my mum got absolutely up in arms about getting some reprints of a photo... It wasn't even a photo of dad, it was of her and her two sisters.
If was such bizarre behaviour from her, and so out of character from the easy-going woman I knew. I was really upset by it.
The next morning, I woke up to find her climbing into bed with me, crying and saying how much she missed him.
Then I understood what the whole photo thing as about.

I'm so sorry about your mum OP, it's an awful thing. But I think the kindest thing you can do for yourself right now is to forget the shoes ever existed and give yourself a bit of space from this oddly-behaving "friend".

OP another saying you need to buy some similar yourself, say nothing about it, but turn up wearing them to meet up with her.

Definitely! She clearly enjoys having one over you for whatever reason. Just act like you’re not bothered about the shoes.

They look like Memery shoes.

https://memery.co.uk/collections/vintage-style-shoes

Presume you’ve asked her the obvious question - “why did you buy them if you never intend to wear them?”.
What was the answer?

If you pop the image into Vinted search there are lots of similar style shoes - maybe you can find a pair you like even more?

Not exactly the same but similar
www.vinted.co.uk/items/6699379001-tommy-hilfiger-heels

I would say to your friend next time she's weird about the shoes "you need to chill out about these shoes, I got some on ebay in the end"

What do you reckon is going on? What's your theory on why she is doing it?

Maybe someone can help find a pair of the same shoes.

This must be a reverse surely?!

You're being unreasonable to think she should give you the shoes. They're hers and she can put them in a box in the wardrobe if she wants.

But she's acting very oddly in keeping telling you they are 'so you' and even lending them to you but keeping saying she wants them back. It's childish, like that thing kids do when they offer you something then snatch it back.

I'd let the shoes go. However nice they are, they are just shoes. If you really want a pair then hunt your own pair down.

But I also wouldn't engage with her on the shoes. Don't borrow them again. If she mentions them change the subject. Ideally buy a really great pair of shoes that you love and when she mentions her shoes, keep referring to your own fabulous shoes.

you could put a pic if you have one on the shopping / s&b pages and the hive mind of MN could maybe help you find something similar.

I don't understand why she should let you have them, or buy them? They are hers, if she wants to keep them in a box in her wardrobe for the rest of her life that is her choice.

Same. YABU to think you're entitled to your friend's shoes because you like them. She's weird for spending money on something she won't use.

also agree that you tell her something like “I found an identical pair on Vinted for £2.50! Yay!” 🤣🤣

Have you got a picture of them? Maybe we can help you find a similar pair.

I agree with PP, it sounds like an odd little power play on her part. But you can’t force to her to sell you the shoes. Let her keep them in a box in her wardrobe 😅

Having read your OP again I definitely think she's bought these to dangle in front of you and annoy you.

What has happened in your friendship to possibly explain why she would do this? It's rather genius in it's torture of you...........

I'm guessing these are either something like irregular choice or a goth aesthetic. Even if they are very vintage style, there will be others
I'd take the emotion out , even if you haven't yet, just say breezily "oh I found a pair on ebay"
This resets the begging and control element
Then just look at ebay vinted etc. Reverse image search will really help.
I get that you know how to find the shoes , this is more about your friend being strange
I find, when people play silly buggers, don't join in

Surely this can’t be real? How old are you OP? If you are an adult your sense of entitlement is incredible. Also, I can’t see a situation where (multiple) people would talk about shoes at a funeral to a grieving daughter.

I would forget the shoes. I have a very particular choice of shoes, but I wouldn’t lower myself to begging someone to buy shoes they won’t wear - that’s no longer about shoes and about power play.
Don’t borrow them. Don’t ask to buy them again.

If your friend is actually a friend, and the game play was accidental, your friendship will go back to normal.

if they’re not actually a friend you will soon know.

Do you both wear the same size shoes?

If I really wanted them and if she paid £5 I'd ask to buy them for £10. Unless she's one of those people who sees items for sale on Ebay for inflated prices (which are there forever) and thinks she can do the same.