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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think she should let me have them

187 replies

DallazMajor · 13/02/2026 12:05

I have a particular style and people comment on it.

My friend bought some shoes in a charity shop. She said “oh I bought these shoes - they are so you”. She showed them to me and yes they are so me. She then put them in a box in her wardrobe.

This month she said I could borrow them for my mums funeral. :(
Lots of people commented on them “they are so you”. Etc. She kept telling everyone they were her shoes that she picked up at a vintage fayre for £5.

For context she is a very close friend.

AIBU to think she should let me have the shoes.

She fully discloses that she will “Never wear them”.

OP posts:
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CharlieMM1 · 14/02/2026 21:37

I find It a bit odd that this is the thing that is on your mind and you feel so strongly about when you have just lost your Mum. I'm not saying that to be mean, because I think it's actually quite common and understandable to fixate on things that feel smaller and more within our control when we are grieving. And so I just wonder if this is really about the shoes? Be kind to yourself.

Laura95167 · 14/02/2026 21:23

DallazMajor · 13/02/2026 12:05

I have a particular style and people comment on it.

My friend bought some shoes in a charity shop. She said “oh I bought these shoes - they are so you”. She showed them to me and yes they are so me. She then put them in a box in her wardrobe.

This month she said I could borrow them for my mums funeral. :(
Lots of people commented on them “they are so you”. Etc. She kept telling everyone they were her shoes that she picked up at a vintage fayre for £5.

For context she is a very close friend.

AIBU to think she should let me have the shoes.

She fully discloses that she will “Never wear them”.

This whole thing is weird. I think its weird to expect to just have your friends shoes.

I think its weird shoes would be "you"

But I think its super weird that everyone at your mums funeral is commenting on your borrowed shoes?!?!

And she bought them because she liked them.. she may never wear them but theyre her shoes. If you like them so much Google them or search ebay to get yourself a pair.

NotnowMildrid · 14/02/2026 20:40

Sorry to hear about your mum.

Of course she should give you the shoes.

Your ‘friend’ is either very mean or controlling. Probably both.

Do not ever borrow them again. Don’t mention them. She can go f**k herself.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 14/02/2026 20:38

@Butterflyvillage 💪🥂

EmeraldShamrock000 · 14/02/2026 20:36

DallazMajor · 14/02/2026 10:06

They are similar to these

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Create a thread in style and beauty and ask there. Those ladies are amazing at finding anything. They’re usually kind too.
I wouldn’t mention the shoes to your friend again. She’s been an arse.

amber763 · 14/02/2026 19:51

I'm sorry about your mum. You're certainly not entitled to her shoes though. Why do you think you should be given them?

KilkennyCats · 14/02/2026 17:09

Basquervill · 14/02/2026 16:54

Because she said she’ll not wear them, just keep them in a box in a cupboard!

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Not using something doesn’t give all your friends carte blanche to swoop in and help themselves.

Womaninhouse17 · 14/02/2026 16:57

Basquervill · 14/02/2026 16:54

Because she said she’ll not wear them, just keep them in a box in a cupboard!

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Which is her right. I think almost everybody (including me, and I'm definitely not a hoarder) has stuff in their cupboards that they won't ever use. That doesn't mean we're obliged to give them or sell them to someone else, no matter how much they might want them.

Basquervill · 14/02/2026 16:54

Womaninhouse17 · 14/02/2026 13:51

Why is it 'hoarding' to want to keep your own stuff?!

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Because she said she’ll not wear them, just keep them in a box in a cupboard!

scoobydeedoo · 14/02/2026 16:46

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 14/02/2026 15:14

So have you asked her why she bought the shoes if she’s never intending to wear them?

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Why is it any of her business though? If I bought a bottle of perfume I never planned to use, would it be my friends business to ask why I bought the perfume? It may not make sense to her, but still doesn't make it any of her business.

Butterflyvillage · 14/02/2026 16:31

OOPs sorry @DallazMajor just had another look and the photo I posted in my post is the is the same as your one! But I did find similar shoes all over the internet by searching for Vintage 1930s lace-up Oxford style shoes with decorative perforations. Have a look at https://www.lightinthebox.com/

Butterflyvillage · 14/02/2026 16:13

I searched for Vintage 1930s lace-up Oxford style shoes with decorative perforations Found them all over the place including ebay.

Also found them on a site a that another poster mentioned. They have them in lots of colours and sizes, including cream . Bit pricey £175!

https://memery.co.uk/products/1930s-everyday-oxford-high-heel-shoes-white-marie

Early 1930s oxford high heels- White - Marie

Elegant Early 1930s-Inspired Everyday Oxford with Spanish Heel This everyday Oxford high heel combines vintage elegance with modern comfort. Featuring an ultra-feminine, medium-height Spanish heel, it exudes the charm of the early 1930s. The iconic cut...

https://memery.co.uk/products/1930s-everyday-oxford-high-heel-shoes-white-marie

EvangelineTheNightStar · 14/02/2026 15:27

DallazMajor · 14/02/2026 10:06

They are similar to these

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Oh… they’re nice, but very standard… I was thinking they’d be more… out there to be such a thing and have all the comments. Like these irregular choice ones!

AIBU to think she should let me have them
NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 14/02/2026 15:14

DallazMajor · 14/02/2026 13:35

Maybe I am being a dick, I don’t know. I just lost my mum and those insinuating I am more bothered about the shoes than my mums death can really go and fuck themselves.

I think my friend is being weird about the shoes.

So have you asked her why she bought the shoes if she’s never intending to wear them?

DaisyChain505 · 14/02/2026 14:20

DallazMajor · 14/02/2026 13:35

Maybe I am being a dick, I don’t know. I just lost my mum and those insinuating I am more bothered about the shoes than my mums death can really go and fuck themselves.

I think my friend is being weird about the shoes.

You’re the one being really weird about the shoes.

It doesn’t matter what her reason was for buying them and if she’ll wear them every day or not once, they’re hers.

You’ve got to be pretty entitled to see something that someone else owns and think you deserve it just because you like it.

Do you also walk into peoples houses and demand they hand over pieces of their furniture because you’ve taken a shine to it?

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 14/02/2026 13:56

It sounds like there’s some weird power play here. Years ago I was in a charity shop with a close friend. We both saw the same yellow bag but she bought it, almost snatched it off me. I just thought oh well let it go. I found a similar yellow bag in Zara on holiday and on sale so that was good! We are both fashionistas though.

Isthateveryonethen · 14/02/2026 13:54

Sorry about your mum op.

but you’re getting upset over a THIRD hand pair of shoes, a £5 one at that. Some perspective is needed here from you.

Womaninhouse17 · 14/02/2026 13:51

Basquervill · 14/02/2026 11:20

Yes, I think she should have gifted them to you. It would have been kind and thoughtful of her, like a good friend.
as it is she is advertising something to you and then holding onto it as a hoarder, which is ungenerous and insensitive.

Why is it 'hoarding' to want to keep your own stuff?!

Womaninhouse17 · 14/02/2026 13:49

You've offered to buy them but she's obviously not interested in selling them to you. They're her shoes. She's entitled to keep them if she wants to, for whatever reason.

OriginalSkang · 14/02/2026 13:40

DallazMajor · 14/02/2026 13:35

Maybe I am being a dick, I don’t know. I just lost my mum and those insinuating I am more bothered about the shoes than my mums death can really go and fuck themselves.

I think my friend is being weird about the shoes.

I've not read the entire thread, but anything who has suggested that is absolutely disgusting

I'm really sorry for your loss xx

Original poster
DallazMajor · 14/02/2026 13:35

Maybe I am being a dick, I don’t know. I just lost my mum and those insinuating I am more bothered about the shoes than my mums death can really go and fuck themselves.

I think my friend is being weird about the shoes.

OP posts: