AIBU to think she should let me have them

I think she's being a bit selfish, but to be honest I think I wouldn't make a big deal about it (which it sounds as if you haven't), but ask her if she would consider selling them to you. If she won't, ask again in 6 months or so when she may have had time to realise she really doesn't need them.

Well it sounds like there's some history between you that you're not going to disclose!

Well if you begged her to give them to you she probably is shocked you returned them.

Anyway, i'd move on now. You did the right thing thanking her and giving them back.

But why would friend buy something that sh knows her friend will like and she won’t wear them herself yet won’t let friend buy /have them

that’s being pathetic

As often repeated on mn, ‘no’ is a complete sentence.

Op has asked for them, and friend has said ‘no’. Friend is under no obligation to sell them.

Exactly!

So she’s a close friend - will never wear the shoes but when you asked /begged to buy them off her - she said no

didn’t sound like a friend to me

sorry about your mum 💐

Such a strange thread

Are you willing to lose a friend at this time because you're mad she won't give you her shoes?

You're displacing your grief about your mom onto a pair of shoes and it's going to cost you a friend.

YABVVVVVVVU but you’re also going through an extremely difficult period of your life so maybe that’s why you’re so focused on this.

I’m sorry for your loss.

It's not a lack of generosity though to want to keep your own stuff. Maybe the shoe owner won't wear them but likes to have them to look at, or to lend (as she has done) to people who like them, or to pass on to children, or to draw etc. My point is that she doesn't have to give them away or sell them if she doesn't want to. Keeping your own stuff is hardly the same as spitting on the floor or burping in someone's face! There are plenty of other ways of being a good and generous friend without giving them your things.

Of course it would have been nice of her to give them to you, but you really don't have any right to expect that of her.

Maybe she really admires your style, or just particularly loves these shoes, despite the fact they're not her normal style (though the ones you linked look like they'd suit anyone), or maybe she's just really happy about getting such a bargain?

It does sounds like she was being odd at the funeral - possibly because she knows you want the shoes, if you've asked to buy them before? Still very odd not to just let you have the compliment.

Hope you can both move on from the shoes and also hope she will support you through your grief.

I think being fixated on the shoes is a symptom of something else.

Condolences for your mam.

It is her right of course. It’s my right to spit on the floor and burp loudly in peoples faces, but I don’t do it. Having a ‘ right’ is a non point scorer here.
I don’t want to argue with you, I really don’t. I think different people have different types of friendships. I know this is the case, as I have friends who are lovely and thoughtful and generous and I have friends that do the bare minimum and are congratulating themselves on it. In my experience, the bare minimum fruends have no idea at all of what goes on between more generous loving friends. It’s just the way it is. So those of us with the warmer friendships think hoarding shoes that your grieving friend would love is a failiure move, whereas those that do the bare minimum because it is their right to do so, remain stumped by the fact that their lack of generosity has been registered.

I have plenty of friends, but that still doesn't mean I should give them my possessions does it? She doesn't know what the person is planning to do with the shoes, she may really want to wear them but doesn't have the right outfit, or she can keep them to look at if she wants and that's her choice regardless of if someone else would want them to wear.

I missed the bit about the friend bragging that the shoes were hers at the OPs mum's funeral, yes that's bloody weird behaviour, but it's also weird behaviour from the OP fixating on a pair of shoes, it's clearly not about a pair of second hand shoes at all.

What you got on your knees in front of her and said "I'm begging you, please let me buy those shoes"? 😀because that's what begging means.

Oh I hate game playing twats like your friend. Just ignore her, don't ever borrow the shoes or anything else she's just using it as a wierd sense of control or oneupmanship.

Ask her if you can have them. Or just steal them? Or you could just buy your own shoes?

Because she’s her ‘friend.’

Do you have friends? Do you ever do anything nice for them?

Come on, this £5 per of shoes are sitting in a box in her wardrobe doing nothing.

Her so called friend was bragging at her mums funeral that they were hers. How fucking embarrassing.

The whole thing is just weird. No, she doesnt owe you anything, so she shoudnt have to give you those shoes. I wouldn't have even bothered borrowing them from her, as the situation is so weird. If she didnt tell you about her purchase, you'll be none the wiser. Dont mention the shoes. Dont ask to borrow them again, and if she mentions them, say you are so happy for her that shes got them, but you dont really want to borrow them again. Most probably she'll give them to you in due course, once she's realised that you dont really care two fecks about her shoes.

I also find it weird that people at the funeral are commenting on your shoes, and that you are fixated on these shoes when you are grieving the loss of your mother. Get over the shoes, you'll probably get given them if you show to her that you dont reallt care for them. My condolences for the loss of your mum OP x

The word 'Never' is often used without meaning literally never.

People calling the friend unhinged should be checking that their own hinges are present

Sorry about your mum, but your friend does not owe you these shoes. Maybe she is being weird about it, you know her. But ultimately they are her shoes and sure you can find a similar pair somewhere online.

Why should she give her the shoes?