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Original poster

Thoughts on my husband considering going darts/ pub this evening when I am really unwell and have two children aged 3 and a 7 month old baby

110 replies

Biosblbay · 13/02/2026 08:41

So I have woken up this morning the worst I have been so far this week. It is awful, I think it’s flu, blocked and painful sinuses, chesty cough bringing up thick green mucus, achey etc. it has been ongoing since Sunday but today is definitely the worst day. My husband couldn’t help with the children today, we woke up late and he had to rush out to work even though I asked him to quickly help me feed the dogs of change a nappy to help me but he couldn’t as he had a teams meeting at 8:30. So before I left I said to him “as soon as you are home from work I will be vacating to bed” because i won’t get must rest at all today and it’s going to be a struggle for me”. I could have taken my 3 year old to pre school today but I just don’t have the energy to get him ready, rush do his packed lunch then pick him up later. My husband said that’s fine, he will come home, do the children’s dinner (but it will most likely be me doing it anyway because he will be home too late) get them ready for bed and put them done for the night and then he will go darts.
I said to him “are you joking” and then it sort of just turned into a bit of an argument before he left for work. He said he isn’t going now or will go if I am feeling better later which I know he won’t, but am I being unreasonable to feel angry that he would even consider going out this evening when I am struggling. I have been ill all week still doing everything at home but today is a right off and even feeding the baby is a huge struggle for me

Also how do you care for such young children when so unwell? It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do!! Luckily my 3 year old is better now as he had it as well and somehow my baby has dodged it!

OP posts:
sleepylittlebunnies · 13/02/2026 09:37

Would your mum be able to drop DC3 to pre school so you only have the baby to look after? It sounds like you have a sinus infection and would benefit from seeing a pharmacist, but you really need to get some rest. DH definitely needs to step up after work and not swan off to the pub, you won’t be able to rest knowing you are on duty and likely to be woken. He does sound quite selfish generally though.

susiedaisy1912 · 13/02/2026 09:32

Biosblbay · 13/02/2026 09:25

@Cosyblankets I go back to work full time mid March, my first day back is the 16th. I have told him he needs to step up a lot more as I do everything at home at the minute as I am off work. I am pretty exhausted. I haven’t had a break in 4 years! I posted yesterday that going back to work is worrying me because I don’t know how I will cope.

This doesn’t bode well for you op. Going back to work full time and being the main carer for the children because he won’t step up is not going to go well. I suspect we will see a lot more of you on here complaining about how shite your husband is.

Myeyeisnotokay · 13/02/2026 09:32

Eurgh this boils my blood. If you're poorly and the children need looking after, the other parent should be stepping up. House jobs and furniture building can wait, just like work would have to wait if your husband was poorly off work. I feel sorry for you. He needs to prioritise you and allow you to rest.
Otherwise next time he's ill I'd be fucking off out and leaving him to it. He will soon see sense next time.

Original poster
Biosblbay · 13/02/2026 09:28

@Strawberrryfields thank you for this. If he still decides to go tonight, I will be showing him these comments from others just so he knows it’s not just me overreacting or being controlling. You worded it so well!! But that is literally it, even when the kids are in bed, I still have to be on high alert in case one wakes up which most likely they will!

OP posts:
Original poster
Biosblbay · 13/02/2026 09:26

@rainbowstardrops I don’t have much support really. Plus my mum lives in the annexe in our back garden and it is only a 1 bedroom so no room for me. And other family either live too far, don’t have the space or not close enough x

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AgnesMcDoo · 13/02/2026 09:26

If he goes out - he’s an arsehole
if he stays in and behaves like a martyr - he’s still an arsehole

Strawberrryfields · 13/02/2026 09:25

No I’d expect him to stay home too. As long as you’re in the house you’re still on duty if he’s not there. You can’t fully switch off and rest as they might wake up and you still need to listen out in case they need you.

My partner has said similar in the past about ‘once the kids in bed what difference does it make’ but it’s completely different knowing there’s another adult in the house to step in if needed especially as yours have been waking regularly. Also if he might end up hungover and less helpful tomorrow that’s also unfair when you’re feeling awful.

Depending on what time he started work feel like he could’ve got the toddler ready and taken to and from nursery too! But appreciate timings might’ve affected that depending on his job.

While there’s an element of having to get on with it when you’re ill as a parent, you’d already done that all day. As soon as he got home he should’ve taken over completely while you went to bed and switched off.

Original poster
Biosblbay · 13/02/2026 09:25

@Cosyblankets I go back to work full time mid March, my first day back is the 16th. I have told him he needs to step up a lot more as I do everything at home at the minute as I am off work. I am pretty exhausted. I haven’t had a break in 4 years! I posted yesterday that going back to work is worrying me because I don’t know how I will cope.

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 13/02/2026 09:24

Biosblbay · 13/02/2026 09:18

@rainbowstardrops well when I was in my first trimester I had really bad morning sickness, I asked for his help then and he said No because he had to do the garden (this is an old post of mine actually that I had to ask about on here to ask then if I was being unreasonable). So he may well likely say no this weekend as DIY needs to be done.

Well in that case, he’s even worse than I first thought!
Sod the garden and sod the DIY when you have an ill wife that’s had to manage two children all week whilst struggling! He wouldn’t get a choice if he was my husband. Do you have family that you could spend the day with, so that you can just rest? Obviously leaving the kids with him!

Cosyblankets · 13/02/2026 09:22

Biosblbay · 13/02/2026 09:16

@Cosyblankets sorry they are his children so should say “our children”.

Edited

Then he sees you as the default parent.
Is there a plan for you ever going back to work?

Original poster
Biosblbay · 13/02/2026 09:21

@Luxlumos this is where me and my husband are very different. I would cancel plans, come home from wherever I am at the drop of a hat, unfortunately he wouldn’t. This is where we are very different and where I get upset.

that is a very good idea but I just had nowhere I could go to do that. My mum lives in the granny Annexe at the back of our house and I don’t really have any other family that i can go to x

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Original poster
Biosblbay · 13/02/2026 09:18

@rainbowstardrops well when I was in my first trimester I had really bad morning sickness, I asked for his help then and he said No because he had to do the garden (this is an old post of mine actually that I had to ask about on here to ask then if I was being unreasonable). So he may well likely say no this weekend as DIY needs to be done.

OP posts:
Original poster
Biosblbay · 13/02/2026 09:16

@Cosyblankets sorry they are his children so should say “our children”.

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Luxlumos · 13/02/2026 09:16

Don’t feel bad @Biosblbay so many MN posters have incredibly low bars for the men in their lives, or will accept being shat on from a height just to keep them.

Expecting the person who is supposed to love you, to put themselves out when you’re ill is the bare minimum. He should have been up earlier this morning, knowing he had an early meeting and thinking about what his family might need.

Dh looks out for me and I do the same for him when he’s ill. Mind you he had to learn - I sat into my car leaving him with two under two, so I could go to my mums and be properly cared for when I was very ill once. He persuaded me back into the house, and seriously levelled up his game after that. Hopefully yours will cop himself on too.

ChaToilLeam · 13/02/2026 09:16

Family > Darts night. If you're not well then he needs to be home to let you rest and to take care of the kids.

Cosyblankets · 13/02/2026 09:13

My three year old?
Or our three year old?
He should still be there whatever the answer I just wondered if you're the default parent or if the 3 year old is not his. This is the time when he needs to step up

rainbowstardrops · 13/02/2026 09:13

Biosblbay · 13/02/2026 09:07

@sittingonabeach it will most likely be me looking after the children as he has lots of heavy lifting/ moving things to do around the house which is going to be a long job. Also has furniture to build for kids new rooms, but at least he is here if I desperately need him to feed the baby or do a quick lunch for us all

If you’re still really ill tomorrow then surely those ‘heavy’ things can wait as you would take priority and the children being looked after?
He sounds a bit selfish and uncaring.

takealettermsjones · 13/02/2026 09:09

Darts is four hours??! Sorry possibly missing the point but... I initially thought ah give him an hour down the local. But four hours is taking the piss a bit!

Sorry you're ill 😩 in terms of looking after kids while you're ill, well... this is what CBeebies was invented for!

GhettoSnoopystar · 13/02/2026 09:08

Apologies if this has been said, but have you been checked for a chest infection? Green mucus doesn’t sound great?

Original poster
Biosblbay · 13/02/2026 09:07

@sittingonabeach it will most likely be me looking after the children as he has lots of heavy lifting/ moving things to do around the house which is going to be a long job. Also has furniture to build for kids new rooms, but at least he is here if I desperately need him to feed the baby or do a quick lunch for us all

OP posts:
Original poster
Biosblbay · 13/02/2026 09:05

@Imaginingdragonsagain the baby in unpredictable at the minute. She might skip her afternoon nap, if she does she tends to sleep all the way through, but if she has an afternoon nap, then she won’t go back to bed until about 10pm which he wouldn’t be home. He goes darts 7:30-11/11:30ish. My 3 year old recently has been having night terrors and has been waking up most nights for the past 2/3 weeks so also unpredictable!

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5128gap · 13/02/2026 09:03

He was planning to go after settling them for bed, presumably thinking there'd be nothing further required at that point. If your DC tend to go to bed and settle well until the morning, I don't think that's unreasonable. However if they wake throughout the evening then yes, that's bad.

Original poster
Biosblbay · 13/02/2026 09:03

@BoredOfCbeebies I did ask if he could work from home today to help but he said he couldn’t because he has meetings. I do have a little help from my mum this afternoon which will help, but my mum is my only other bit of support I get

OP posts:
sittingonabeach · 13/02/2026 09:03

I hope he is planning to do all parenting at the weekend

nomas · 13/02/2026 09:01

Biosblbay · 13/02/2026 08:53

@MidnightPatrol now I feel bad :( I just thought if baby or my 3 year old wakes up when he is out then I have to obviously see to them, which happens most nights. I just don’t have the energy and I desperately need the undisturbed sleep 😩

Don't feel bad, he needs to stay home.

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