Thoughts on my husband considering going darts/ pub this evening when I am really unwell and have two children aged 3 and a 7 month old baby

But factual

@Biosblbay

I don't know if it's been said upthread, but may I suggest you NOT show him this thread?

First, this is your place to vent and seek advice. Do you really want him trolling through MN looking for things you've posted? Do you really want to give up this 'refuge'?

Second, the words of random women on a woman-based website will mean nothing. After all we're just a bunch of dissatisfied 'bitchy' women complaining about our 'men'.

As far as what you do right now, you just do the best you can. He's shown that you're the bottom of his priority list and nothing is going to change that. Call in your mum for what help she can give, even if it's only making you a cup of tea and a sandwich for your 3 year old and holding the baby for a bit. You're ill, it's time to throw some rules out the window. 3 year old won't come to harm being set in front of a screen/TV for the day. And giving them easy foods to prepare like cereal, sandwich, yogurt won't hurt either. The baby will be a bit more difficult, but if there's room both DC can be in bed with you. And your H can go whistle for his dinner.

As far as the future goes, I'd suggest you take a good hard look at the totality of your marriage, not just the parenting issues. I think if you do, you'll find that some hard decisions need to be made.

You obviously haven’t read all the OPs comments, she’s had little to no help for years from a man that is not only in this country but living within the house

No I admit I didn’t see lack of a break since the first baby. In this case he has behaved like a thoughtless selfish shit for 4 years.

(I would still insist he goes out tonight, leaving me alone. And make his responsibilities for the weekend very clear. And inform him that if he doesn’t then FO and then do it a bit more. I also stand by the content of what I said about team work & compromise, but am less inclined to practice it with him!)

He’s being a cunt

Did you miss the bit about the baby and the 3 year old, both of whom are likely to wake up?

That would be my thoughts

I cannot fathom my husband doing that, no.
He's neither a decent man, husband or father.
Stop having children with him.
Stop the sex too, because how you have sex with someone so selfish is beyond me.

Moving anywhere with a selfish man is a really bad idea.

Get back to work and look at your options, but stop having children for starters.

Mind your chest, green mucus is an infection, be careful it doesn't become pneumonia through neglect, it can happen so easily, post partum. I know this.

@CleanSkin have you read where OP says she hasn’t had a break for 4 years, where DH sleeps in another room so can’t hear the DC so doesn’t do night wake ups, where he didn’t support OP when she had severe morning sickness. I’m struggling to see why he deserves a break to go and play darts

@lessglittermoremud oh for goodness sake. It’s not just about this one weekend - OP must obviously have her totally justified “time off” when she is healthy. This weekend is about getting through it all; my suggestion was about being kind to DH before he takes everything over tomorrow. It’s not an instruction for parenting until the DC leave home!

(And fwiw I’m a disabled parent, became ill when DC were pre-KS1, worked with no family support other than DH (worked in UK & travelled abroad approx 50% split) but we still managed to work as a team. )

No.
Put those jobs off.
The world can wait
Tell himyou going to bed all weekend
Furniture can wait.

It’s a northern way of expressing oneself - go TO darts is equally good up ‘ere.

@TomAndJerrie5 A little bit of give-&-take on everything is helpful. I did also comment about him contributing after that. Also didn’t say that gets a free pass tomorrow morning! and saying he is “the kind of man” is pretty judgy, don’t you think?

A bloke that doesn’t get up to his children in the night as he’s a ‘deep sleeper’ and who thinks it’s appropriate to slink off to the pub for a game of darts (and let’s face it probably a few pints) when his wife has been ill all week and struggling on is not going to suddenly say for her to stay in bed all weekend….
When should the op get her time off??!! When she’s sick and resting in bed?
Its comments like these that are so ridiculous, we’d all be so much happier with more rest and getting to do what we want, but the majority of Mums don’t get that choice.

@CleanSkin so when is OP going to have some time off. Maybe her need is greater so she can rest which will hopefully help her recover quicker?

He's taking the piss

Shows how thoughtful he is

Stop justifying how you feel. You've struggled all week doing everything at home, so you can reasonably feel miffed when he said he was going out. He's changed his mind about going out now - as you wanted. Yes, he should have seen how unwell you are. Next time, give in at an early stage so he gets the message sooner.

This is typical of most men. I was lucky but even he had to be told what I needed. How old is your Mum? Tell him to go sleep in the granny annex and Mum stay with you until you are better. He's an AH. Next time he's ill go out and leave him with the 3 year old and do not take care of him at all.

"Go darts"

LOL. The kind of man who fucks off to play darts on a Friday when he has a sick wife, a toddler and a baby, is NOT the kind of man who will wake up at 6am (and through the night) with the kids, tell OP to sit in bed for 2 days, while he cooks, cleans and cares for his children. He'll likely wake up hungover and do the bare minimum. Probably can't even make his own damn coffee.

I love society's constant concern for men's happiness. Poor little helpless creatures, aren't they.

Oh let him go & have some time off; he will be so much happier & more relaxed if he does - we all need to do that.

Then, he can cover what you would do, for as much of the weekend as you’re unable to do.

And get to a GP for some antibiotics.
Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

Swap rooms

too many dad are heavy sleepers and just don’t hear their kids 🙄

bet they would hear a smoke alarm

equally if you are being woken up every night then sleep training might be something to consider

Mums don’t get breaks, can’t see the issue if he helps before he goes.

You shouldn’t feel bad about asking him not to go, because he should have come to the decision on his own, without prompting that he shouldn’t be going off to darts when you are are unwell……
Regardless of who sleeps well or if they wake up, you’re at home feeling crap and looking after the children, a partner who cares would phone once during the day to check in and get straight home to help in the evening and pack you off to bed….
Its no wonder women are deciding to stay single or I was reading an article the other day about women living together to help create their ‘village’.
If I knew a friend who was in your shoes today I would offer help, he’s your life partner and father to the children, you shouldn’t have to ask him to make you a priority. Hope you feel better soon!

Going to work is totally reasonable if he has work to do that he can't do from home. Going out tonight is not.

All too often I see a thread that makes me think

Husband Rocket Arse