Thoughts on my husband considering going darts/ pub this evening when I am really unwell and have two children aged 3 and a 7 month old baby

OP, what happened?
are you safe?

Yes ok I totally agree with what you're saying, I never give man a green light as an excuse for thier stupid behaviour, but it's a known fact that they use at least 2/3 % less of their brain capacity, that's why the don't mature mentally as us! All in all we're far more,intuitive than them,that's why they can be, not all but,extremely immature. By nature, i.e. mummy issues!x

Yes ok I totally agree with what you're saying, I never give man a green light as an excuse for thier stupid behaviour, but it's a known fact that they use at least 2/3 % less of their brain capacity, that's why the don't mature mentally as us! All in all we're far more,intuitive than them,that's why they can be, not all but,extremely immature. By nature, i.e. mummy issues!x

Women making excuses for men, stating that they aren't capable, is part of the problem.

Men are just as capable as women and should be held to the same standards. Anything less gives some men the green light to be selfish, lazy shits.

Bless you ,I understand your anguish, men a incredibly strange human beings and a bit cut off from reality, i sympathise with you completely, I'm about to turn 56 yrs old and having a relationship with a 37 year old man with mummy issues, and a bit of schizophrenia thrown in to to it off ,I honestly think men just don't have the mental capacity of women, I.e multi tasking, the just cant do it! I'm with you all the way,but please remember that old saying that a woman's work is never done and it's so true ! Be strong hun we're the strongest gender of all.xxx

I don’t know any nuns who would leave their really young children with their dad who is really unwell in bed and go out for social reasons

Next time he is ill, just go out and run errands and leave him with the kids.

when you go back to work, tell him to plan and shop for the meals one week and you do the next.

Did he go out in the end? Hope you managed to get through the day ok OP.

DH is a prick. If your partner is too unwell to look after the kids you take over. No discussion. I can understand that he needs to go to work but would expect him to see if he can negotiate earlier finish or something due to lack of childcare. But definitely no social engagement. Why can't so many men be proper parents to their children? The entitlement is truly sickening.

I’m so sorry that you’re unwell and that instead of being able to even mentally rest, your partner has flooded your headspace with doubt about whether you’re being unreasonable and controlling. Based on this post alone, you are not. Regardless of whether he could get the kids sorted before leaving, you have asked him for help and I imagine visually you are exhausted and a mess. That should make him want to stay and take care of you whether it means giving you a long cuddle and stroking your head or giving you time to rest while he listens out for the kids and does a few chores.

I don’t know the entirety of your situation but I do know that if this were me and this was repeated behaviour from my husband, I’d be gathering information on what financial support I’d be entitled to as a single parent and getting my ducks in order for a future without him under the same roof. Even if not for now, for the future. Yes it’d be hard but not as hard as feeling devastatingly unloved on a regular basis. You and your kids deserve better.

How are you feeling tonight, @Biosblbay? I hope you’ve had some rest, whatever route you took.
Hope the DC were calm & are sleeping.

Did your H go out?

I do really feel for you OP. I have been where you are. I left mine 2 years ago. Being a single parent is so much easier than single parenting in a marriage/relationship. My child is now 4 and thriving... with a much happier mummy. The realisation that they don't care about anyone other that themselves is really a hard one. I did the same as you... looked for validation that asking for the bare minimum wasn't problematic. I knew deep down I was never asking too much. I didn't have a full nights sleep for nearly 2 years (back at work part-time time in a professional role still breastfeeding and on minimal sleep)... whilst he slept a solid 8 hours every night in a separate bed ignoring my little one and I. Apparently I "dealt with being tired better than he did". Often I drove to work and had no idea how I got there. I nearly died in childbirth... haemorrhaged 2 litres of blood and was still expected to carry on regardless. My little one stopped breathing the day after being discharged from hospital and I had to go in the ambulance with her... I was on a 2 hour feed schedule (24/7) as she was jaundice and lost 12% body weight. Within a week or so of discharge, he had food poisoning and chose to spend 10 consecutive days lying in bed ignoring my newborn and I. He repeated this every single time he was "ill".... which was every 2-3 months or so. Even on Christmas Day once when he got out our of bed at 7:15am for 15 mins and then ignored us for the rest of the day. I was told my expectations were too high, that I had postnatal depression, that I "just needed to be nice to him". It was exhausting. I knew I deserved better, as do you. They don't improve. You just hope they will. I can't forgive him for how he treated me at my most vulnerable. It shows someones true character.

Yanbu op he is a terrible husband and father. A 7mo will wake up lots and in turn probably wake the 3yo up. Knowing how ill you are he is just terrible at not staying and taking care of his children even if he didn’t want to do anything for you.
I would count on your stress and workload doubling once you’re back at work- this useless man isn’t going to step up.

He is an arse. Different situation but I currently have a badly slipped disc, been almost completely disabled for 6 weeks awaiting surgery. We have a 2 year old and a 5 month old baby.
My partner would normally go to poker every Thursday night but there has been no question of him going while I’m like this. He has to go work obviously but almost everything at home has been done by him (I hate it, I like doing it myself). All the shopping, cooking, housework etc.

He asked permission and was extremely grateful that I plodded on alone for 45 minutes last night so he could have a bath.

Do not feel guilty, your husband sounds selfish and uncaring.

He's only interested in himself and what he wants

If your partner is ill and has been for days, you take time off to look after your children at the very least. If you can’t, then you get home ASAP and take over.
whether that partner is on maternity leave or is a SAHM is irrelevant. If you are the sole earner - also irrelevant (unless you can’t take the time off). You certainly don’t fuck off to Darts.

its called being a decent loving partner and father. Very sadly, in this case the OP isn’t married to one.

The op is on mat leave and will be returning to work in March.

Oh OP so much to see in all your threads about your utter wanker of a husband.

to answer today’s question no he should not be going out. Straight home to look after his children so that his wife can go to bed. Cook something for you. I would expect nothing less from my own DH and he delivers (not trying to rub it in).

your husband is a shit husband and a shit father - you really need to call time on this shit show of a marriage. You deserve so much more.

@Luckyingame does him working mean he can opt out of parenting

Did you miss the bit about her being extremely ill and having 2 young children?

I don't see a problem here for one evening.
He obviously isn't going to "willingly" stay at home, if pressured.
I presume he is the sole earner? Out of interest.

I absolutely hate how mums have to push themselves to the absolute limits always. If he was as ill as you are, would he have gone to work? I imagine he'd have called in sick or at the very least booked a wfh day in. However, you're stuck because he is your only option and he doesn't take onboard your opinion on how sick you are. He decided based on what suited him. He's meant to be a partner, he should've helped you out today and he should be running you a bath, fetching lemsip and tucking you up in bed.
If your children were perfect sleepers then I get it, or if he was popping out for 1 hour, also fine. Leaving you to be up with a baby and a 3 year old at 11pm when you've told him you're too ill to do it, is not ok.

”my” (DCs)…
”help” with the kids…
There’s your problem - even you agree you are the default
He’s not helping with your kids, he’s parenting his own!!! Ffs…

@lessglittermoremud See my post of 17:20.

Have you read the OP's posts?

He won't