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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The one with the viking cowboy. Are these comments on my appearance terrible or not?

267 replies

Onceuponamama · 13/02/2026 00:35

Short story. Two weeks ago my hair apparently looked "like a viking" wearing a claw clip then this evening "your're not going to like me telling you this but you look like a cowboy".

Two weeks ago I had my hair up in a claw clip whilst cleaning, dh walks into the room and comments "your hair looks like a viking like that". Inside I was like wtf but didn't let on how hurt I felt and just brushed it off.

Fast forward to this evening and I'm trying to find an outfit for tomorrow, we're supposed to be going on a early date for Valentine's day. Nothing fancy just lunch but still wanted to make abit of effort, so I tried on some bootcut jeans, a black cashmere jumper, black low heel boots (not western style) and an oversized cropped tapestry and borg fleece jacket.(no stirrups, hats or chewing on straw in sight) I showed him my outfit and asked if my jeans look ok as I felt abit self conscious wearing tighter style jeans as I normally wear wide leg nowadays. (33 yo mum size 12). Initially he said "yeh you look nice" then said "I don't think your going to like my answer but you look like a cowboy".

That was the second strike for me and I just told him straight that these are horrible ways to describe my appearance and no woman would want to be compared to a viking or a cowboy! He thinks these are perfectly reasonable ways to describe me?!

We barely get to have time to go out just us together these days and I was really looking forward to it but now I just don't want to go at all.

I'm up late venting and contemplating if DH is just clumsy with his words or is there more going on here and he's trying to knock my confidence on purpose? I've finished crying now so just give it to me straight if you think I'm being unreasonable in all of this or not. (I really hope I'm not)

OP posts:
ParmaVioletTea · 13/02/2026 06:31

For me, jeans and a jumper isn’t a dressy outfit.

But look, most men aren’t tuned into clothes in the way that a lot of women are. If you feel good in jeans and a jumper, wear it!

babyproblems · 13/02/2026 06:27

Gosh I wonder what he would make of me @Onceuponamama 😂
Me and you would get on.
I bloody love anything tapestry. If it was actually a tapestry hanging on a wall at some point even better. Borg I also appreciate. If it’s got fringe I’ll get really excited about it. I actually own vintage western clothing amongst other strange pieces, and wear them. I have many skirts made of old table cloths, he’d be lost for words. I don’t think my DH loves them but I don’t really care- I have a vintage shop and my validation comes from myself and also all the women who are my customers around the world.
Wear whatever you feel good in, don’t ask his opinion. I think your outfit sounds lovely Xxxx

fyllnadspenna · 13/02/2026 03:23

I like the jacket. Doesn't look like anything old-fashioned or cow-boy-y to me.

I'd tell him to think twice about his comments on my appearance if he wants a happy life, but also try to not care about his opinions of your fashion choices. Do you always love everything he wears? You don't have to value his views over your own.

FiveShelties · 13/02/2026 02:53

Minjou · 13/02/2026 01:50

That is beyond hideous

Was the charm school closed?🙄

MayaPinion · 13/02/2026 02:42

The jacket looks a bit ‘Little House on the Prarie’ so I can see where he’s coming from there. Vikings are hot, so I’d take that as a compliment.

canuckup · 13/02/2026 02:32

Just tell him he looks like a rapper and then like a snooker player or something

emsf89 · 13/02/2026 02:27

Viking hairstyles? Not something people would in general be familiar with. If he thinks it's like the hairstyles in the Vikings show- those hairstyles are pretty fucking cool tbh. Are you sure it wasn't a misunderstood complement?
Cowboy- the tapestry/borg combination may remind him of cowboy style, unclear. Ask if he meant it in a good way or thought it looked unusual.
Either term does not strike me as either derogatory or overtly critical, maybe something just as a passing resemblance, or something vaguely reminding of a style.

Shitmonger · 13/02/2026 02:21

I mean… is he always an idiot or is the idiocy a new development?

DrJump · 13/02/2026 02:12

Yesterday my outfit was discussed in a rodeo vs country style it was helpful. As in my line of work sometimes I need country, sometimes I need rodeo, sometime I need city.

LucyLoo1972 · 13/02/2026 02:07

on a serious note though OP, my husband didnt ever pay wee compliments and it did impact my self esteem. He wouldnt ever say 'you look nice' even if id made a lot of effort to dress up for a wedding or soemthing.

Onceuponamama · 13/02/2026 02:04

Minjou · 13/02/2026 01:50

That is beyond hideous

Dh is that you? You really said enough earlier if it is 😂

OP posts:
Onceuponamama · 13/02/2026 01:57

Reading over some of your replies, I've come to the conclusion that there might be a mass produced, ill-advised compliment book lurking out there somewhere that many some men are taking notes from! I just can't think of a title for it!

OP posts:
Minjou · 13/02/2026 01:50

Onceuponamama · 13/02/2026 01:04

This is the jacket

That is beyond hideous

Empress13 · 13/02/2026 01:43

I think you’re being too sensitive OP. You should have gone back at him with something he looks like (all in good humour). I think re the jacket it’s not your usual run of the mill jacket so kind of get what he said but I would have laughed it off

Onceuponamama · 13/02/2026 01:39

Thank you to everyone for taking the time to reply to me, I appreciate it.

I'm kind of laughing at myself and embarrassed for getting upset over it now... it's so not important and trivial I know!

OP posts:
3beesinmybonnet · 13/02/2026 01:34

I once tried on a green tunic with leggings and knee high boots - my son asked me if I was planning on stealing from the rich and giving to the poor!

Seriously I think it doesn't matter if others would be upset by his comments - it's upset you. Tell him so, and ask him to use a bit more tact in future. If he carries on then maybe it's deliberate negging.

You could always try giving him a taste of his own medicine.

Woodfiresareamazing · 13/02/2026 01:26

Onceuponamama · 13/02/2026 01:04

This is the jacket

Ok, so your DH is obviously completely clueless when it comes to fashion, or even correctly identifying a cowboy outfit! I would discount any future comments like this, he has no idea ...

90sTrifle · 13/02/2026 01:22

Onceuponamama · 13/02/2026 01:12

😂He actually did say "a cow girl then... is that better?" later in the conversation

That’s so much better! I wouldn’t take offence.

Maybe buy him a book on ‘compliments for dummies’ as his valentine’s gift.

JayJayj · 13/02/2026 01:21

The way I style my hair sometimes, I get told I look like a Viking. I think it’s a great compliment. I wouldn’t be offended being told I look like cowboy either but your outfit doesn’t sound like it did.

Maybe show your husband pictures of cowboys so he understands what they look like 😂

LucyLoo1972 · 13/02/2026 01:16

Onceuponamama · 13/02/2026 01:04

This is the jacket

I love this jacket OP

LucyLoo1972 · 13/02/2026 01:15

steff13 · 13/02/2026 01:08

I wore a blouse with ruffles on it once, and husband called me "the artist formerly known as (steff13)."

being compared to Prince can never be a bad thing

Onceuponamama · 13/02/2026 01:14

HeddaGarbled · 13/02/2026 00:53

Intrigued about the Viking reference. Did it look like a horned helmet? (That was a Hollywood invention, by the way: the Vikings didn’t really wear horned helmets).

It’s a funny remark, isn’t it? I think you’re taking yourself too seriously to be hurt about it.

😅 It was just a normal claw clip.. it looked like this

OP posts:
Onceuponamama · 13/02/2026 01:12

90sTrifle · 13/02/2026 00:57

He could have at least said cow girl!

😂He actually did say "a cow girl then... is that better?" later in the conversation

OP posts:
RabbitsEatPancakes · 13/02/2026 01:11

I get cowboy vibes from that- real cowboy rather than cartoon cowboy. Cowboy is sort of in at the mo though...

You seem quite sensitive, neither of his comments were negative.

WinnerWinnerChickenDinnner · 13/02/2026 01:10

Not a cowboy or Viking.

He's kind of weird to see that little jacket as either.