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AIBU?

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Original poster

WWYD?

40 replies

Travelfairy · 12/02/2026 21:08

DH was in London last week on business. We dont live in UK. Went MIA for almost 24 hours. Turns out he was drinking til 3.30am, doesn't usually drink, doesn't remember getting home and arrived into wirk 2 hours late. Its a new job, new boss seems a very heavy drinker and apparently was cool with this.

This week he is in Abu Dhabi and despite promising not to drink has been drinking (albeit lightly) but also not answering phone for hours at a time. He has 2 phones. Didn't answer either.

He is on Mounjaro, not supposed to be drinking on it at all afaik. Sick of him.

YABU - he's out there working hard networking not stuck to his phone
YANBU- he broke one promise what else has he broken. LTB.

OP posts:
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Swiftie1878 · 13/02/2026 20:15

Travelfairy · 13/02/2026 19:10

Yeah there's been alot recently, selfish arsehole behaviour mainly. He has zero empathy. This is just one of many things.

Show quote history

Then don’t make it about this. You’ll lose the argument.

Original poster
Travelfairy · 13/02/2026 19:10

Pigletin · 13/02/2026 17:50

Well he doesn’t sound great if I’m honest, but you saying you’re sick of him makes me think there is a back story. What’s he like normally? Is this all out of character?

Yeah there's been alot recently, selfish arsehole behaviour mainly. He has zero empathy. This is just one of many things.

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Original poster
Travelfairy · 13/02/2026 19:09

XMissPlacedX · 13/02/2026 17:15

Tbh OP I would also be a little worried if my DH was in a foreign country and I didn’t hear from him for 24 hours too. If me or DH goes away for the night we usually check in with each other in the morning and in the evening, either by call or txt.

Exactly this, just a morning and evening text, I'm a texted not a caller at the best of times but kids sometimes want a quick video call. Our youngest has additional needs. Gets very upset when phone keeps ringing out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Travelfairy · 13/02/2026 19:07

ComtesseDeSpair · 13/02/2026 13:14

I think you need to loosen your expectations when he’s away on work trips. Drinking or sober, expecting him to check in with you and getting upset because he isn’t answering the phone for a catch up with you when he could be in meetings, networking, at a client dinner, just having a social drink with his boss etc is unreasonable. He’s an adult. Drinking too much might be a bad idea, but it’s his bad idea to have and make.

If it grates that he’s spending joint money on WLDs and you don’t think he’s committing himself properly to a healthy lifestyle then that’s a separate issue. Agree to separate your non-bills accounts and spending and he can do what he likes with his share.

Edited

Thats good advice on the finances actually thank you

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Original poster
Travelfairy · 13/02/2026 19:06

MadisonMarieParksValetta · 13/02/2026 12:24

If he's only started MJ then he won't be on a high dose. You're trying to make excuses for being controlling.

He is not supposed to drink on MJ and he is on a high dose, he was previously on it but messed around like he is now ended up stopping and has restarted on a higher dose. Alcohol doesnt agree with him and he is on other meds to for prostate issues. He is not supposed to drink, end off bar maybe one beer/glass of wine. I am not being controlling. I worry about him. He was so sick last time he passed out in lobby of hotel. He promised me he wouldnt drink again for his sake. I am the idiot worrying about him. I get that. But he promised me not to worry this time as he 'would never be so stupid again'.

OP posts:
Pigletin · 13/02/2026 17:50

Well he doesn’t sound great if I’m honest, but you saying you’re sick of him makes me think there is a back story. What’s he like normally? Is this all out of character?

JustGiveMeReason · 13/02/2026 17:46

ComtesseDeSpair · 13/02/2026 13:14

I think you need to loosen your expectations when he’s away on work trips. Drinking or sober, expecting him to check in with you and getting upset because he isn’t answering the phone for a catch up with you when he could be in meetings, networking, at a client dinner, just having a social drink with his boss etc is unreasonable. He’s an adult. Drinking too much might be a bad idea, but it’s his bad idea to have and make.

If it grates that he’s spending joint money on WLDs and you don’t think he’s committing himself properly to a healthy lifestyle then that’s a separate issue. Agree to separate your non-bills accounts and spending and he can do what he likes with his share.

Edited

This

Harrietsaunt · 13/02/2026 17:19

Unless he has form for cheating/ridiculous behaviour I probably wouldn’t even notice.

XMissPlacedX · 13/02/2026 17:17

The drinking thing wouldn’t bother me though, probably letting his hair down whilst away or trying to impress new boss/ colleagues.

XMissPlacedX · 13/02/2026 17:15

Tbh OP I would also be a little worried if my DH was in a foreign country and I didn’t hear from him for 24 hours too. If me or DH goes away for the night we usually check in with each other in the morning and in the evening, either by call or txt.

ComtesseDeSpair · 13/02/2026 13:14

I think you need to loosen your expectations when he’s away on work trips. Drinking or sober, expecting him to check in with you and getting upset because he isn’t answering the phone for a catch up with you when he could be in meetings, networking, at a client dinner, just having a social drink with his boss etc is unreasonable. He’s an adult. Drinking too much might be a bad idea, but it’s his bad idea to have and make.

If it grates that he’s spending joint money on WLDs and you don’t think he’s committing himself properly to a healthy lifestyle then that’s a separate issue. Agree to separate your non-bills accounts and spending and he can do what he likes with his share.

cestlavielife · 13/02/2026 12:55

Just make sure he updates his ICE in case of emergency on his phone.
You will hear soon enough if he hospitalised.
Leave him to his work trips
No news is good news

Swiftie1878 · 13/02/2026 12:37

You are being batshit controlling. Stop it. You’ll drive him away. Or to even more drink!

BillieWiper · 13/02/2026 12:35

If he's been sick I don't think you can be worried about the fact that alcohol is very calorific. If that really is the reason why you're so annoyed at him?

He shouldn't really not respond for 24 hours. Just purely as you might get a bit worried. I'd expect just a quick good night at least. But he was having a drink, he didn't get in trouble with his boss. Nothing terrible happened.

Just tell him please just keep in communication but otherwise he's a grown man and should be allowed to do what he likes. He's not a raging alcoholic is he?

AgnesMcDoo · 13/02/2026 12:28

You need to chill out.

He’s an adult and can go on a night out and drink if he wants to.

and he can drink on MJ

MadisonMarieParksValetta · 13/02/2026 12:24

If he's only started MJ then he won't be on a high dose. You're trying to make excuses for being controlling.

NotAnotherScarf · 12/02/2026 22:44

Christ he clearly isn't trusted. So he has to clock in multiple times a day. Has a boss who likes a drink so went for a drink with him and got drunk... yeah that's what sometimes happens.

Then you make him promise not to drink?

You come across as very controlling.

havingoneofthosedays · 12/02/2026 22:44

He’s only started but on the highest dose. I smell porkie pies

Original poster
Travelfairy · 12/02/2026 22:38

ColdAsAWitches · 12/02/2026 22:32

He couldn't possibly have drunk enough in 24 hours to undo months of weight loss, don't be ridiculous.

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No, of course not but it made him really ill (self inflicted) and less than a week later out doing the same. He has only started on the medication and we have made alot of financial sacrifices to afford it for him.

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JustGiveMeReason · 12/02/2026 22:37

YABU

I agree with @Helplessandheartbroke in the 2nd reply.
There is a middle ground here.

I would think anyone going on a complete bender on a work trip to be an idiot - but I would also not be tracking my dh when he is away on a work trip.

I'm inferring from your posts you aren't very impressed with him all round.
Is this the straw breaking the camel's back ?
As, on it's own, YABU.

ColdAsAWitches · 12/02/2026 22:32

Travelfairy · 12/02/2026 22:27

Because we are paying 400 a month for WLI for him each month out of joint account that he was told by doctor not to drink on. He then went on the mother of all benders! Undoing all that work. Alcohol is very calorific

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He couldn't possibly have drunk enough in 24 hours to undo months of weight loss, don't be ridiculous.

brunettemic · 12/02/2026 22:30

Leave him then, it’ll be mostly for his benefit anyway.

Original poster
Travelfairy · 12/02/2026 22:28

Nickyknackered · 12/02/2026 21:40

You can drink on mounjaro. Might add to symptoms (nausea maybe) but it isnt against the law.

Obviously its not against the law 😂😂 he was told not to drink on it as hes on a high dose, lots of weight to lose. It made him very sick so the advice was obviously correct!

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Original poster
Travelfairy · 12/02/2026 22:27

Eenameenadeeka · 12/02/2026 21:46

Why did he need to promise not to drink? He's an adult, why does he need your permission?I would expect that socializing would be important in some jobs and it's not like you were waiting at home for him so not sure why you're upset with him for being out late?

Because we are paying 400 a month for WLI for him each month out of joint account that he was told by doctor not to drink on. He then went on the mother of all benders! Undoing all that work. Alcohol is very calorific

OP posts:
Original poster
Travelfairy · 12/02/2026 22:26

Ilovelurchers · 12/02/2026 21:34

Sounds like you monitor him very closely. Do you have reasons for being like this - has he got form for infidelity, for example?

If not, he is an adult, leave him alone! Re the drinking, I agree drinking isn't great and don't do it myself BUT, if he does it away from you and his drinking doesn't impact on you in any way, his body, his choice.

How often do you expect him to call or text, out of interest?

Maybe just once on the evening as kids like to talk to him

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