If it's ok, we'll all come

107 replies

Lights22 · 12/02/2026 19:40

As an autistic mum pretending to be a normal mum around all the other mums pretending to be normal mums, I need your help with this please.

Invitations have gone out for DD's birthday party at soft play. Messages of delight, excitement and acceptance all duly come in. Then this one: "she'd love to come. If it's ok, we'll all come. Me, DH and little sister (3)".

So, is the mum asking for an extra party ticket?? Free entry to soft play + food + party bag, or is she just saying younger sister will just be in tow?

And if it's the extra ticket, how do I skillfully say of course come but pay your own way?

Remember, I'm trying to look normal and nice and kind and not overthinky or stingey. Just setting a boundary like a normal person!

Just to say, when our DD was invited to a soft play party, we all went too but paid our own entry for younger DD, got our own food and kept her away from the party. So this could be what they're thinking too? But if so, why ask?!

OP posts:

Balloonhearts · 12/02/2026 19:47

'Of course, the more, the merrier. You can pay for extra children at the door.'

I would do little one a party bag though, if you know she's coming.

Moonnstarz · 12/02/2026 19:47

I think it's worth making it clear the invite was for the friend only. As others have said you can be polite about it and say that's not a problem, you can pay entry on the door and they have a food menu if you wanted to buy them a meal when the party guests are having food.

ridl14 · 12/02/2026 19:47

Agree with PP that's the likely outcome but you can clarify by saying of course, you can book little sister's ticket on the website/pay on the door.

My sympathies as well trying to navigate this type of thing! Really think I may be ND, rest of my family are and I really struggle with ambiguous communication, other people's expectations, trying not to come across wrong and anxiety around it. It's so tough! Hope the party goes well and not too tiring for you x

Marble10 · 12/02/2026 19:47

Is it that much of a big deal for an extra little one? I’ve always had spare spaces (eg people who can’t make it or venue for X amount but invited less) cause someone always says this. I feel like a ‘normal
mum’ would say no problem but an ND one would say something like what you’ve put.
If it really is a problem, you could say the party is only booked for X amount so little sister will need to buy her own ticket. However that comes across stingy and weird IMO.

LightYearsAgo · 12/02/2026 19:45

It doesn't matter what she's asking for the answer is, of course you can come the public price for children is £x and adults £y or whatever is appropriate

Ninerainbows · 12/02/2026 19:45

Oh no. That's a bit tough for anyone. We paid for DS's best friend's little sister as their dad works nights and it was the only way their mum could bring the friend. But I told the mum this when we invited them.

Erm... I don't know. I'd maybe say lovely, I've paid for 10 spots for DS's friends but it should be fine to pay for their DD on arrival. I think.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 12/02/2026 19:44

I don’t think she’s expecting you to pay. Just say ‘yeah of course, pretty sure you can just pay on the door, we look forward to seeing you’. She’s probably just checking you don’t mind siblings being at the party, and it’s in a public place so I’d guess that’s fine.

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