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AIBU?

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Original poster

If it's ok, we'll all come

107 replies

Lights22 · 12/02/2026 19:40

As an autistic mum pretending to be a normal mum around all the other mums pretending to be normal mums, I need your help with this please.

Invitations have gone out for DD's birthday party at soft play. Messages of delight, excitement and acceptance all duly come in. Then this one: "she'd love to come. If it's ok, we'll all come. Me, DH and little sister (3)".

So, is the mum asking for an extra party ticket?? Free entry to soft play + food + party bag, or is she just saying younger sister will just be in tow?

And if it's the extra ticket, how do I skillfully say of course come but pay your own way?

Remember, I'm trying to look normal and nice and kind and not overthinky or stingey. Just setting a boundary like a normal person!

Just to say, when our DD was invited to a soft play party, we all went too but paid our own entry for younger DD, got our own food and kept her away from the party. So this could be what they're thinking too? But if so, why ask?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lights22 · 12/02/2026 22:13

Thanks everyone.

I've booked for 15 children and as such paid for 15x entrance, food, party bags etc. so to add the sister means I need to increase my booking to 16, and I just can't work out how it's acceptable to ask a host to do that?

Obviously the place could accommodate it, but why would I invite siblings to my daughter's party and if I do it for one, would I not need to extend the invite to all siblings?

OP posts:
stichguru · 12/02/2026 22:05

The mum is being ambiguous probably accidently. There are two possibilities:

  • Most likely, I reckon what she is trying to ask is "have you booked out the whole soft play for your exclusive use, which would mean I can't just pay for my child to play, as there will be no spots outside the party?"
  • She could be trying to get you to pay for her DD, but that would be incredibly rude and hopefully she isn't.
Assuming you haven't paid for exclusive use, I would just say, "oh yes, that's no problem, just pay for your daughter as normal on the way in". Don't feel like you have to include her younger child in food, party bags etc. If, on the day, a child cancels, you could tell the mum her child can take the spot if you want to.
Hankunamatata · 12/02/2026 22:03

Id be thinking same as you op

Id probably reply

Great x can come to the party. You can just pay little sister in at the door

Netcurtainnelly · 12/02/2026 21:51

Just say yes for gawds sake, it's not worth all the hassle.

canuckup · 12/02/2026 21:48

So it's a family day out now?

Ilovelurchers · 12/02/2026 21:30

Are you expecting parents not to attend? Or will they be expected to pay an entrance fee?

If you can't accommodate the little girl at the party (if you have no free spaces) just say "of course she is welcome to come to the soft play but we have paid for X number of kids and don't have any free spaces unfortunately."

Or if you can add her on at this point, personally I probably would. I found with parties you often get drop outs on the day, and so it can be helpful to have extras to make up the numbers.

But if depends how the whole thing works, really......

Sunshineclouds11 · 12/02/2026 20:46

i would take it that she's just asking if they can come and pay little sister in.
i would make her a little party bag up.
dad is probably coming to follow/play with sibling.

HoppityBun · 12/02/2026 20:42

The message does say “If it’s ok…”

Perhaps say something like “that would be ok, but I only have tickets for DD and her friends so you, DH and little Flossie will need to get tickets when you arrive”.

I think it’s a bit cheeky, myself.

LightYearsAgo · 12/02/2026 20:41

ExpressCheckout · 12/02/2026 19:51

Dear Mum, DH and little sister (3). You are very welcome to come! But can I ask for you and DH to pay for your own adult tickets, and we'll pay for DSis (3). Looking forward to seeing you all, Lights22

Why would she offer to pay for a child who's not invited? If all the other parents then send a similar message should she pay for all them too?

There's no suggestion that the other mum is asking for a paid for space for the sibling

Freddobar · 12/02/2026 20:33

Marble10 · 12/02/2026 19:47

Is it that much of a big deal for an extra little one? I’ve always had spare spaces (eg people who can’t make it or venue for X amount but invited less) cause someone always says this. I feel like a ‘normal
mum’ would say no problem but an ND one would say something like what you’ve put.
If it really is a problem, you could say the party is only booked for X amount so little sister will need to buy her own ticket. However that comes across stingy and weird IMO.

Yeah but if you invite 10 kids and everyone brought an extra kid whether they asked or not that leaves the parent paying for 20 kids. So yeah it is a big deal. Nothing stingy about just paying for the kids you invited. It's actually quite stingy to expect someone to pay for your child that's not invited. Party =Free day out at soft play..
I always found the parents that brought a sibling along and left them to join the party were the ones blunt enough to say no siblings when they were hosting.

MsSquiz · 12/02/2026 20:27

If it was DD’s party and there was space available or 1 extra child wouldn’t make much of a difference, I’d just say great and cover the sibling.

if it’s taking you over the allocated spaces, I’d say “unfortunately we’re at our max numbers for the party, but you can contact them to see if there’s spaces available for that slot”

crascenda · 12/02/2026 20:26

I think it was rude of the mum not to say, " Is it Ok for me, DH and sibling to come aswell? We'll pay for ourselves of course" or something like that to indicate that she is not intending to freeload and will cover those costs. The child attending the party will (I presume) have been paid for.

The fact that she omitted to clarify that she would pay for the extras is a bit thoughtless I think.

HelloCheekyCat · 12/02/2026 20:23

@ExpressCheckout why should OP pay for someone who wasn't invited?

@Lights22 just say as per the suggestions that they can pay on the door for the sister

ThisAutumnTown · 12/02/2026 20:22

“Yes of course! Would be great to see you all. You’ll be able to pay for your dd on the door. See you then xx”

Funnywonder · 12/02/2026 20:21

Well, that went a bit weird!

I like pp’s suggestion of saying yeah, no problem, pretty sure you can pay at door, or words to that effect. Personally, I’d make up a couple of extra party bags, but there’s definitely no obligation to do this.

MadinMarch · 12/02/2026 20:14

Hold on, I'm just getting the popcorn out...

pictoosh · 12/02/2026 20:13

2026new · 12/02/2026 19:51

How incredibly condescending about ND people, it’s not one size fits all. It’s actually quite offensive.
Are you always quite so ghastly ?

Huh?

MadinMarch · 12/02/2026 20:13

2026new · 12/02/2026 19:51

How incredibly condescending about ND people, it’s not one size fits all. It’s actually quite offensive.
Are you always quite so ghastly ?

Eh?

Original poster
Lights22 · 12/02/2026 20:10

2026new · 12/02/2026 19:51

How incredibly condescending about ND people, it’s not one size fits all. It’s actually quite offensive.
Are you always quite so ghastly ?

Are you talking to me? What was ghastly?

OP posts:
LoveWine123 · 12/02/2026 20:08

2026new · 12/02/2026 19:51

How incredibly condescending about ND people, it’s not one size fits all. It’s actually quite offensive.
Are you always quite so ghastly ?

Are YOU?

2026new · 12/02/2026 19:51

How incredibly condescending about ND people, it’s not one size fits all. It’s actually quite offensive.
Are you always quite so ghastly ?

ExpressCheckout · 12/02/2026 19:51

Dear Mum, DH and little sister (3). You are very welcome to come! But can I ask for you and DH to pay for your own adult tickets, and we'll pay for DSis (3). Looking forward to seeing you all, Lights22

MuddyPawsIndoors · 12/02/2026 19:50

Doesn't sound like she's expecting you to pay.

Just say "Yeah sure, the entrance fee is X amount but unfortunately she won't be allowed in the party bit as they're very strict with numbers. See you there!"

Isthateveryonethen · 12/02/2026 19:50

Balloonhearts · 12/02/2026 19:47

'Of course, the more, the merrier. You can pay for extra children at the door.'

I would do little one a party bag though, if you know she's coming.

I would do this too. I did a few extra party bags in case anyone else came to pick up the child. Definitely be clear about they are welcome to buy an extra ticket and join in

sprigatito · 12/02/2026 19:50

Ninerainbows · 12/02/2026 19:45

Oh no. That's a bit tough for anyone. We paid for DS's best friend's little sister as their dad works nights and it was the only way their mum could bring the friend. But I told the mum this when we invited them.

Erm... I don't know. I'd maybe say lovely, I've paid for 10 spots for DS's friends but it should be fine to pay for their DD on arrival. I think.

This is the best response. It makes it clear that you’ve only paid for X number of invited children, and she’ll need to pay for her other child if she brings her.

this is a failure of etiquette on her part, not yours. It’s rude and inappropriate to say “we’ll all come” when one child has been invited - she’s not even really asking if it’s ok with you, she’s decided they’re coming! So don’t sweat it. She should be embarrassed, not you.