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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU, fear of death

216 replies

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 17:48

I was raised a Christian and grew up believing in god however I've recently come to the realisation that god is very very unlikely. For anyone interested here is my reasoning behind this conclusion:

A lot of people argue that the universe has to have a cause. The universe doesn't have to make sense, we cant just extend human logic to the universe. According to Einsteins Theory of Relativity, the big bang was the beginning of time. The argument "what came before the universe" or "how could the universe have appeared out of nowhere" doesn't make sense as there is quite literally no BEFORE the universe (time emerged alongside it). I know, mindboggling. That's why I said the universe doesn't' have to make sense it doesn't follow human logic.

Second of all it's very clear that all religions are created by humans. There is no reason to believe we are the centre of gods creation. Animals have conscience and it is VERY likely intelligent life exists somewhere else in the universe. There is no reason to assume we are special (like mosts religions suggest) simply because we appear to have more intelligence than other species. Also it's illogical to assume that god, the creator of the entire universe, would care about petty things, such as sex before marriage, gay sex, all these sins in the bible, these are very clearly moral values imposed by humans.

Also religion is very clearly based on fear. People are scared of death and so they resort to believing in a higher power and an afterlfie for comfort. People are scared of the unkown and so they use religon to explain concepts that cannot be explained. In the Roman Empire people used to believe gods are responsible for storms. Now we know that storms are caused by weather cycles and so this explanation falls apart. And yet we still have many unanswered questions, such as why does the universe exist, and so people resort to religion to explain them. People are also very scared to question religion, as they fear leaving it could lead to eternal suffering, hell. Religion is so powerful because most never question it due to fear of what happens if they do and due to how powerfully they've been indoctrinated.

There is no reason to believe your religion is any more true than any other religion. I used to be christian and I used to convince myself that christianity is real based on "all of the evidence for christ". Now that I look at this evidence from an objective standpoint it's very clear it cannot be held as actual evidence. For example the proof we have that Jesus resurrected are accounts written 100 years after his death by people who weren't alive at the time of his life. All religion has equal evidence. NONE. It is irrational to believe your religion is any more true than any other religion simply because of faith. There's literally zero reason when all have no evidence. Everyone claims their religion is the ONLY true religion.

As a result I've become quite sad recently, acknowledging that all of us have an inevitable death. Neuroscience makes it clear that conscience is an illusion created by the brain. As neurological activity ceases, conscience also ceases. I've heard that you won't suffer during death as you won't be aware of your non existence, just like before birth. But can you imagine your conscience not existing forever? It's crazy that one day we will not exist for eternity. I understand we won't feel it, just like we didn't feel anything before birth, but at least before birth our lives were still to come and after death what if there's nothingness forever? Sad really.

Is my fear irrational, has anyone been in a similar situation?

If we were born even 500 years later, biological immortality will maybe be possible. Death wouldn't be an issue. If only we were born a little later...

OP posts:
PandoraSocks · 12/02/2026 19:47

Echobelly · 12/02/2026 19:40

My feeling is that I won't feel anything when I'm dead, so why worry about it? I comfort myself with the old chestnut that you live on in the memories of those around you and yes, that will eventually pass into history too, but again it's not like I'll know.

I should add, not all religions play on the fear of death. I'm Jewish and the idea is to live a good life because its the right thing to do, rather than primarily about supernatural judgement after death. And we know that any religion with reincarnation also functions differently in that respect.

the idea is to live a good life because its the right thing to do, rather than primarily about supernatural judgement after death

I really like that philosophy.

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:47

GalaxyJam · 12/02/2026 19:46

Not sure really, they just look quite cool 😁

Handsome! And strong.

BooneyBeautiful · 12/02/2026 19:47

raspberets · 12/02/2026 18:06

Yes, a child’s mind is so open to that fear and it’s hard to get rid of even when you become an adult.

I consider myself to be a spiritual person, as opposed to a religious one, but I went to a C of E primary school and, to this day, I still have to eat fish on a Friday. Quite ridiculous really, but it somehow now seems to be ingrained!

GalaxyJam · 12/02/2026 19:46

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:44

😁. Why?

Not sure really, they just look quite cool 😁

AIBU, fear of death
raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:46

Echobelly · 12/02/2026 19:40

My feeling is that I won't feel anything when I'm dead, so why worry about it? I comfort myself with the old chestnut that you live on in the memories of those around you and yes, that will eventually pass into history too, but again it's not like I'll know.

I should add, not all religions play on the fear of death. I'm Jewish and the idea is to live a good life because its the right thing to do, rather than primarily about supernatural judgement after death. And we know that any religion with reincarnation also functions differently in that respect.

Does your religion accept that once you die that’s it Echobelly?

Ninerainbows · 12/02/2026 19:46

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:43

Haha, yes a mayfly would be a short life!

A tortoise would be a pretty chilled, laid back life,

I’d like to experience being a little bird, a blue tit. They live a communal life and get to fly.

A bird would be amazing actually.

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:44

GalaxyJam · 12/02/2026 19:42

I fancy a Gnu.

😁. Why?

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:43

Ninerainbows · 12/02/2026 19:41

No, no choice. I didn't have one when I was born a human female. I don't know - ideally not one of those insects that is born with no mouth and lives 24 hours, like a mayfly!

Giant tortoise. 😁

Haha, yes a mayfly would be a short life!

A tortoise would be a pretty chilled, laid back life,

I’d like to experience being a little bird, a blue tit. They live a communal life and get to fly.

GalaxyJam · 12/02/2026 19:42

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:38

Do you think you’d have a choice? If so, what animal would you prefer?

I fancy a Gnu.

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:41

PURPLErainiswhatmadePrincegreat · 12/02/2026 19:39

well, go back to Christianity , my dear. There is only one way to Heaven and this is Jesus. Believe it, this is all that it takes. A good heart to believe something beautiful, pure and sacrificial, freely given to you. Literally, what are you waiting for. And all others on this website

Are you suggesting we unbelievers con ourselves into believing?

Ninerainbows · 12/02/2026 19:41

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:38

Do you think you’d have a choice? If so, what animal would you prefer?

No, no choice. I didn't have one when I was born a human female. I don't know - ideally not one of those insects that is born with no mouth and lives 24 hours, like a mayfly!

Giant tortoise. 😁

GalaxyJam · 12/02/2026 19:41

PURPLErainiswhatmadePrincegreat · 12/02/2026 19:39

well, go back to Christianity , my dear. There is only one way to Heaven and this is Jesus. Believe it, this is all that it takes. A good heart to believe something beautiful, pure and sacrificial, freely given to you. Literally, what are you waiting for. And all others on this website

I don’t believe that to be true. So in my opinion, I’d be waiting for… absolutely nothing. Because Heaven doesn’t exist.

Echobelly · 12/02/2026 19:40

My feeling is that I won't feel anything when I'm dead, so why worry about it? I comfort myself with the old chestnut that you live on in the memories of those around you and yes, that will eventually pass into history too, but again it's not like I'll know.

I should add, not all religions play on the fear of death. I'm Jewish and the idea is to live a good life because its the right thing to do, rather than primarily about supernatural judgement after death. And we know that any religion with reincarnation also functions differently in that respect.

PURPLErainiswhatmadePrincegreat · 12/02/2026 19:40

we discussed already on another thread that people can discuss religion as much they like and all theories. Faith is a different matter, it is a way to God in a personal relationship

PURPLErainiswhatmadePrincegreat · 12/02/2026 19:39

well, go back to Christianity , my dear. There is only one way to Heaven and this is Jesus. Believe it, this is all that it takes. A good heart to believe something beautiful, pure and sacrificial, freely given to you. Literally, what are you waiting for. And all others on this website

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:38

Ninerainbows · 12/02/2026 19:37

Yes, I did say potentially not human.

Do you think you’d have a choice? If so, what animal would you prefer?

Purplestarballoon · 12/02/2026 19:37

What I find mind scrambly if we’re talking about our existence having a definite start and finish, is what was there before our universe and in billions of years what next? I think we like neat little stories that start and end but that gives me more questions…

Ninerainbows · 12/02/2026 19:37

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:33

In your possibility, could you reincarnate as an animal for example?

Yes, I did say potentially not human.

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:37

cardibach · 12/02/2026 19:36

This exactly. My worries are about becoming a burden and losing independence.

It plays on my mind a lot. Even worse than a feeble body is a feeble mind. It’s a cruel existence.

Catza · 12/02/2026 19:36

Correct. And I would much rather make the most of every short moment on this planet before my existence ends forever than be hanging on a cloud for eternity, reincarnate as a cockroach or burn in hell.

cardibach · 12/02/2026 19:36

HoppityBun · 12/02/2026 19:32

Well, as Woody Allen said, I’m not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

Dust we are, and unto dust we return. I find that quite comforting. What I dread is age and enfeeblement

Edited

This exactly. My worries are about becoming a burden and losing independence.

Wilnis7 · 12/02/2026 19:34

dairydebris · 12/02/2026 17:58

I agree. But what if its true?

true that god is a monster?

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:33

Ninerainbows · 12/02/2026 19:31

I know that, I don't mean "me" as a product of my experiences. Just the "me" that means I am awake, looking out of some eyes, using a brain and aware I exist. In the way I am me and not anyone else. Might not even be human.

Edited

In your possibility, could you reincarnate as an animal for example?

HoppityBun · 12/02/2026 19:32

Well, as Woody Allen said, I’m not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

Dust we are, and unto dust we return. I find that quite comforting. What I dread is age and enfeeblement

Ninerainbows · 12/02/2026 19:31

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:28

You’ll have to start all over again as a baby, learning from scratch and will have no recollection of your previous existence.

I know that, I don't mean "me" as a product of my experiences. Just the "me" that means I am awake, looking out of some eyes, using a brain and aware I exist. In the way I am me and not anyone else. Might not even be human.