Family drama

Another example of how I live in an alternative world to the ladies of mumsnet

I think YABU because I don't think it's a big deal, really.

Is there a backstory that makes this something really important?

I think that legally she is the aunt, as related by blood, marriage or civil partnership (via the uncle).

I have a "nephew", who is my child's first cousin, although I'm not technically related to him by the above standards or legal definition.

I can see both sides, but personally prefer children to have as much love and kinship as possible so would see no harm in calling you Auntie.

However, I think you are wrong to try to prevent your child calling their legitimate Aunt by her title. Will you deny the uncle or grandparents their titles too because they disagree with your opinion?

I think you need to grow up and/or get married.

It really doesn’t matter.
She is your DC’s auntie.
You aren’t an auntie other DC.
Who cares?
if it bothers you that much, get married.

I’m not sure it would be the hill that I’d die on, probably not worth a family argument. But I agree with you in principle. It devalues you and your relationship. I wouldn’t fight about but I wouldn’t be rushing to babysit or sort birthday presents. They sound like jobs for aunties and uncles.

Does it really matter?

My brother's kids call me "SunnyRedSnail" and not Aunty SunnyRedSnail. It doesn't bother me at all, as long as they're polite!

I think this is one of those things where you just roll your eyes internally but let it go. It’s not worth creating family tension

How old are bils children and how long have you and your partner been together?

It’s really difficult and I sense your frustration but if that’s their choice then that’s their choice. My mum’s partner who I felt was more than just her partner was referred to by my children as Grandad. My sisters children called him Uncle. My own grandson calls my partner Papa then his first name, we’re not married. When we do marry this year it may change to grandad, but im ok if it doesn’t. What you call someone doesn’t change who they are or what relationship they have with them.

There are cultures where older people (ie the generation above) are generally addressed as auntie or uncle and names are not used.

in the U.K. this is not generally the case although there are obviously exceptions.

my children have many aunts and uncles and address all of them by their name.

I'm honestly not sure I could be arsed making a fuss about this. Its all a bit daft and a bit dramatic IMO.

My brother and his fiance have been together a long time but my kids never called her auntie, just called her by her name. They are not married so that is just what happened. No conversation was had about it and no-one decided this is how it should be. No-one has given a crap to be honest.

Is it really worth causing hassle, and being precious over, and potentially causing issues in your partners family because of a name?

I agree with you, none of my children are married to their partners but all the children call them auntie and uncle, it’s just more respectful and tbh I think it’s nice, an endearment if that’s the right word.

Most of my nieces and nephews don’t call me auntie, their parents used to correct them but honestly it wasn’t that deep to me.

My children do tend to use Auntie and Uncle however I wouldn’t push for it.

Gosh, I’m not sure I would be bothered. I’m not even sure if my partners sister refers to me as auntie to her DC, I’ve never thought about it.

How long have you been together? Is it really worth making your DC change what they call her?