Family drama

My kids don't call their aunt auntie but my her name and same with their uncle.

Seems like a lot of drama for nothing.

Does it bother you that you are not married?

Yanbu I'm not married but still called auntie by partners siblings kids. I'd be so hurt if I wasnt.

YANBU, aunty is a term of respect, I have a 100 aunties.

I wouldn’t see them anymore.

Well you are not auntie, but your child are being affected because you are demanding to be called a label you are not is more important to you ok then

Does it really matter??

When I was young, all older unrelated people were addressed as Auntie/uncle. But I'm 75 and I understand that would no longer happen. and I grew up in a mining community where all the men worked in the pit and we lived in houses owned by the coal board, so everyone knew everyone's family. A very different world.

However, my Sisters children refer to me as Aunt, but my adult child refers to my sister by her first name as they do with sisters husband.

I really don't know why. My adult child and sister are very close, so it's not a question of disrespect. Maybe it's because I'm five years older than my sister and had my child when I was young, so there is only 14 years between them. And sister lived with us when child was a toddler.

what the children call you (as long as it's polite 😁) need have no bearing on your relationship with the children.

but what may have a bearing is if you start some kind of argument over it.

Dp’s Niblings have never called me Aunt/y/ie as I’m not their Aunt even though we’ve been together 30+years. It also means he has to buy any presents required for birthdays 😉

Long story short; it did not go well

You don’t have to elaborate but it might be helpful.

This is ridiculous. It doesn’t matter. Your SIL sounds like a knob but I don’t know why you’d even consider playing your kids like pawns to get back at her over this. Fuck that. Carry on as before, safe in the knowledge you made the choice not to be a petty arse.

"I have taken the stance that my DC will not refer to his brother's wife as auntie either as its simply a sign of respect."

But your child has two parents. How does your partner feel about his DC not referring to their Auntie as 'Auntie'?

YABU. Mine call my DH's brothers’ wives ‘Auntie …’, but they do not call my brother or sister’s partners Auntie or Uncle. My sister is now engaged, so they will of course then call her fiance ‘Uncle …’ after their wedding, because it will be official.

Not in law, not in tax. It is still very relevant legally.

No, but it does say something about how much esteem OP is held in, and how she is viewed.

I agree it's more of an endearment.

My DC call all of our siblings aunt/uncle regardless of marriage. Plus a few of our friends/cousins that we see on a regular basis. Others we don't see are just their first name

I wouldn't get upset by this though.

You've asked DH to tackle it. He's tried. Don't make this into more than it is.

If it really bugs you can could refer to Uncle John and Jane rather than Auntie Jane. You don't need to correct your DC.

i don’t think would even notice.

I think people are focussing on whether using aunty / uncle generally is important to them. But really what I am assuming you’re upset about, is that just you in the family are excluded from this, because you’re not married. I’m not bothered whether my nephews and nieces call my aunty but I’d be upset if they were specifically told not to call me it because I wasn’t married in to the family. It would feel like they were purposely excluding me from the family group. However, I wouldn’t bring my children into and tell them what to call their aunty as then you’re dropping to their level

Technically she’s rightfully called auntie and because of a lack of marriage, it cannot be reciprocated to you. Why is that title such an issue over all the legal protection and everything else a marriage brings?

I have ten nephews and nieces and none of them call me auntie. We just use names - both on my side of the family and my DH side. To me it wouldn’t matter.

Do their children call others who are not blood or legally related to them auntie and uncle?

If so and its just you that doesn't get this then I would be pissed off because it would feel deliberate.

If not then it may be that even though you all come from a place/culture where auntie and uncle are widely used, they may have chosen to not follow that with their own children.

Sounds like SIL is a bit of a prat to make such a silly and unnecessary distinction.

Marriage is pretty much irrelevant these days.

I’m married but it was a cheap registry do as I wasn’t bothered either way and only agreed to it as DH had cancer and really wanted to get married.

I agree that it's a stupid stance from your BIL/SIL... But it's really not something I would fight about!

It's just a word, it doesn't change your status or the relationship with your niece/nephew.

If the issue is that they treat you differently because you aren't married, that's a different problem and I would focus on that.

It's your partner's choice to "stand between" you and them, he needs to get off the fence. If he thinks it shouldn't bother you he needs t JL you, if he can see your point of view he did the right thing taking to his family.
Having said that, I dont think bringing your child into the argument by insisting they change what they call their auntie is there course of action.

I’m think it shows a closeness, so I don’t think you’re BU, it feels more like a way to exclude you IMO

Be annoyed if you want, but saying "well, I'm not going to let them call you Auntie either" is childish.

Does it really bloody matter