Family drama

Not a hill I'd die on - it doesn't matter and these honorifics are rather old fashioned.

If you're modern enough to cohabit and have children, you're modern enough to use first names.

None of my nieces called me Auntie.

Yes, quite! You say it's a thing where you come from for children or younger people never to call older people by their name. Which is fairly old-fashioned - I guess in that kind of a culture it's usual to get married before having children too?

Personally I couldn't give a flying fig and I think it's ridiculous to change what your child calls the brother's wife if they have always referred to her in a particular way - why drag children into petty drama? That's so unfair and a really crap example to set. When you play tit for tat you generally end up looking like a tit.

If they all get along and cherish their child. But just don't agree to say aunt. Then yea I'd get over it.

You say that where you come from, children never call their elders by their name.
im also guessing that in this same culture it is atypical to have a co-habit and child outside of marriage?

so if you’re not following one set of traditional values from your culture, why do you feel so strongly about another?

I’m in the same position as you-not married with kids but SIL is. I also noticed SIL referring to me as my name only but my partner as Uncle. It does annoy me but I’ve never said anything. It is disrespectful and part of a pattern of disrespectful behaviour from my SIL/BIL. Includes not wrapping presents for my kids, sending cards/gifts late, expecting special treatment from inlaws (paying for SIL meals but not ours in a restaurant) etc. I could go on and on. If we say anything we are viewed as being petty as others have said. But I bet there is more to this than just not calling you Auntie. Do you get on with them generally or is there underlying tension in your relationship?

In my family it’s a sign of respect to be called aunt. I would be upset to signal respect and be ignored in return, as if not being married makes you less worthy of respect, jokers !

So basically as long as the father and daughter are treated with respect by his family, the mother doesn’t matter?

I have 9 nephews and nieces. The oldest is 6 years younger than me. I would be horrified to be called 'auntie' by any of them. They do it as a joke to wind me up. Personally I would let it go. It's not worth causing a family rift over not very much.

I can see why OP feels hurt. My (now) husband has three niblings and the first time I heard his Mum refer to me as Auntie in front of them (before marriage) I was quite touched. It felt like a full acceptance into the family.

You could have played this so differently and declared that you’re far too youthful to be called auntie, and that’s the reason why. Too late.

Your being ridiculous and petty

All my nieces and nephews just call me by my first name, whether they’re related to me by blood or not.
The only time any of them have ever called me auntie x is when they were pleading for me to do something with them/for them which their parents may have disapproved of 😂

Yeah my DC didn't. One of my sisters got a bit upset about not being called 'aunty firstname' so I tried to use aunty when naming her to DC but couldn't get the habit to stick.

You’re just picking and choosing your traditional values: get married before you have children - how old-fashioned; first-name adults - how disrespectful.

YANBU - my kids always call my sister's partner 'uncle' - they've been together since my eldest was a baby (he's now 15). They are rude. I'd do the same as you.

With my in laws? The kids don't call me 'aunty' because we got married after they were born, apparently that's a thing. Paedo BIL (also by marriage) is still their 'uncle' though, by virtue of having been married longer. Odd. Most odd.

Tha would upset me. I’m auntie and OH is uncle to all my nieces and nephews on both sides. We have never married.

and all my aunts and uncles growing up only half were that. The rest were cousins, second cousins, parents friends or neighbours.

Maybe, but if they treated my child really well and made effort with them I wouldn't make a thing of it.

I’d feel a bit miffed but wouldn’t make a thing of it. My SILs both have long term boyfriends and I do make sure I say “Uncle Dave” to include them fully, as I’d appreciate that the other way round.

It’s very calculated and sly to tell someone their child will not be calling you aunty, so of course OP is upset.

How old are they and how long have they known you?

Because if they're older than about 6 or 7 and have always called you by your name, then it'll be unlikely they'll change what they call you however much of a fuss is made.

Growing up we called family friends uncle and aunt. However my uncle got married when we were junior school age/early secondary, and we always called her by her first name. It would have felt really odd suddenly reverting to Auntie. The ones who got married when we were much younger we never considered calling anything by Auntie/Uncle.

Where we come from, children or younger people never call older people simply by their name.

Where you come from is it also common to have children outside marriage? Feels a bit like you are picking and choosing what traditions matter to you and expect everyone else to align. If in your world its important for children to call older people a certain way all you can do is ensure that is what your children do - not much you can do about what other children do.

YABU - you are not the aunt of your dp’s brothers children.

Nor are they your Bil/Sil.

I am married but I would only be an aunt through marriage and I’d personally prefer just to be called CKN.

I think you’re making a mountain out of a molehill and you most certainly should not bring your dc into your disagreement. I also feel sorry for your dp to be stuck in the middle.

If you feel that strongly about it get married

Do children these days usually use "Auntie Laura" or "Uncle Dave" when speaking to their aunties and uncles? My kids don't with my brothers, and their kids don't with me. I'd find it really weird 😂

I grew up in the 60s, in different circumstances. Lots of my parents friends were aunty this or uncle that and even as a child, I thought this was ridiculous.

Remember “uncle Arthur” in Dad’s Army?

Your partner feels like he’s stuck in the middle? That’s quite wet of him. I’m guessing that means that he’s not bothered even though it upsets you and won’t insist that you’re given the same acknowledgement as his brother’s wife?