DS’s dad cut his hair without asking me

YABU he said he didn't like the long hair. You really should have listened. It's his hair and his feelings.

Your too young to be bullying comment is ridiculous. And anyway, even if it wasn't now, do you not think that if he does have any kind of bullying later there won't be some horrible child who said "Remember in reception when you had a girl's haircut?"

If he wanted his hair long it would be a different matter, but he clearly doesn't so would never thank you

At five, the only person who should have a say in how your son wears his hair should be your son. Of course he isn’t too young to be bullied at five, and I think you’re really at fault in not listening to that and respecting his wishes.

I'm curious - WHY were you so invested in your son having long hair?

Oh why don´t they bring the laughing emoji back! YABVVVVU

My great-nephew's mother insisted he must have long hair all through primary school. He got bullied as a result, but she said - whenever his dad wanted to get it cut - "I like to see him with long hair".

Your son's dad was right to get him a haircut because the child clearly wanted it cut.

You're wrong.

This literally happened in my childhood.

I had the longest, rattiest hair that my mum kept wanting to grow. My dad took me one weekend to cut it to a bob. I loved it but my mum went ballistic.
As an adult I can see how shitty she was as a mother, it was always what she wanted and didn't see me as a person with my own mind.

You have no more right over your sons hair than his dad, he has done what your son wanted with HIS hair. Stop trying to make him grow it when he doesn't want to.

He's 5. As long as what he wants is sensible, conventional and within school rules, he decides. Not you. Learn this - as he gets older, you will have to allow him more agency.

Why are you dictating to a child how to have his hair? A child at 5 will be more than self-aware enough to know how he wants to look and he's opened up to you that he's being teased. That's actually horrific to ignore him and enforce a hairstyle that let's be honest makes him stand out. Just let him have it how he wants. Do what's right for your child and stop trying to win petty arguments with your ex or your ds will grow up hating you.

And more say than the kid himself, apparently.

I mean, I'm a huge fan of long hair for boys, but I found the only way to get my son to grow his hair long (as a teenager) was to keep telling him to get it cut.

I, a girl, was bullied when I was 6. By another girl.

You are ridiculously naiive OP if you think a 5 year old boy can't be bullied. Or, frankly, just feel "different" from his friends, in a way he doesn't like.

Well you don't.

You need to listen to your son. Boys at this age look like girls if they have long hair. It isn't necessarily bullying. It is just other children and staff who don't know him making a mistake or children telling him he looks like a girl because they tend to be quite straightforward and honest at this age. His father made the right decision in listening to your son.

Your son should decide how he wants his hair not you

OP, the naivety of this comment is actually shocking; I have some neurological issues and the bullying started for me at age 5 when I started school. Did you think bullying just kicked in at age 10 or something? You need to listen to your son; I’m sure you enjoyed when he was an infant and toddler and you got to decide on his hair, but he gets to choose for himself now, and he wanted short hair. Your ex has respected your son’s wishes on this, and you need to make sure you do in the future as well. As a parent, there are all sorts of things you WILL have to override your DS’ feelings about, often for safety reasons, so it’s important that areas where he can safely make his own decisions are respected. It’s an important part of child development.

I can actually see where you're coming from with the ex making a decision without consulting you. I would have been furious. But my ex had the DC far less than yours does (6 hours a week if nothing better came up), and I'm the one who listened to what they wanted.

I think, in the circumstances, your ex did the right thing. Your DS is old enough to have a say in his hair style.

You were wrong. He told you what kids did say and you just blew off he's being picked on because you like him with longer hair. That is a selfish choice that didn't benefit him. It also taught him you don't really listen to him. He's also 5 and can have some input into how he wants to look.

His dad did the right thing here. He listened to his son.

Having more custody time doesn't give you any more rights than his dad has.

YABU

In future, LISTEN to your son

YABVU

Dont be ridiculous, your son has the say in how he should have his hair!

Unless he wants its blue 😂

Your son doesn’t exist just to look nice to others. Autonomy is important and this is a good place to start. It’s also a good opportunity to remind yourself that you are equal parents and whether you’d like it if you had to ask your ex’s permission for things like this.

My son has mid length hair because that's what he wants. My only rule is no skinheads and no designs shaved into the sides because school doesn't allow either. Your son has asked for his hair short and his dad has supported that. You refusing to cut it is no different to a child wanting long hair and a parent buzz cutting it regardless.

YABU for ignoring your son's request to have shorter hair. He should have the biggest say, not you or his dad.

Your ex should have had a conversation about it with you but I suspect he felt you'd just kick off about it. He advocated for his son - fair play.

Yeah sorry if a 5 year old has expressed the kids make fun of him or call him a girl, your preference doesn't hold up higher than his.

Well done to Dad for listening to his son.

It doesn't work like that, your son is being bullied, 5 is not too young to feel bullied and laughed at, his dad did the right thing. What would you prefer? He has shaggy hair that you want or being bullied.